Cultivate a “grandmother’s heart” or “big arms” mindset to hold everything without rejection, including all experiences and people, because anytime you hold something apart, you’re afraid of it.
Adopt a posture and mindset of a “strong back” for grounding and dignity, combined with an “open front” for receptivity and radical inclusivity, to uphold yourself amidst difficult conditions and connect deeply.
Engage in metacognition by bearing witness internally to whatever arises within you, holding it without pushing it away, grasping it, or being ruled by like and dislike, to cultivate equanimity.
Regularly bring to mind and articulate an unselfish, altruistic motivation for your practice, such as transforming your suffering to benefit others, as this is key to prevent your practice from becoming a self-improvement program.
Understand that equanimity is the linchpin for the other Brahma Viharas; practice loving kindness, compassion, and sympathetic joy with equanimity to prevent them from becoming attachment, pity/cruelty, or comparison/over-exuberance.
Recognize that the armor you naturally build in response to the world prevents authenticity and connection, and actively work towards disarmament throughout your life.
When faced with aggression or perceived enemies, follow Gandhi’s example by sending loving kindness (Meta) to them, recognizing their suffering and wishing them to move out of it.
Begin by grounding yourself, bringing attention to your breath, feet, or sitz bones, as embodied stability is essential for mental clarity and insight, especially when facing complex or upsetting situations.
Cultivate a “strong back” that is nimble and pliable like bamboo, avoiding rigidity, to uphold yourself amidst complexity and prevent mental or emotional cracking.
Complement your strong back with an “open front” to bear witness and be present for whatever is happening, including suffering, without turning away.
Use equanimity as protection from the “eight worldly winds” (praise/blame, success/failure, pleasure/pain, fame/disrepute) by recognizing when you’re caught in their grip and opening the hand of thought and feeling to loosen attachment.
Practice mindfulness of the body by noticing physical sensations like a gripping gut, increased heart rate, or tension in the shoulders/jaw, as these are signals that your body is struggling to maintain balance.
After noticing physical signals of struggle, consciously work with your breath to help regulate your internal state and regain balance.
When you find yourself upregulated by worry or concern (e.g., heart beating faster, mind racing), acknowledge the concern without rejecting it, then apply methods like deep breaths to downregulate and regain balance.
To identify and articulate unselfish motivation, bring to mind someone struggling or a loved one, sending them loving kindness and contemplating their future well-being, feeling this aspiration somatically and sincerely.
Cultivate imagination to envision the best possible future for your loved ones and the planet, and then actively work towards actualizing that vision, operating from a base of possibility rather than sinking into despair.
Cultivate confidence, a strong back, and an open front to meet any outcome fully, giving your best effort in the meantime, and trusting that you will navigate whatever arises.
Cultivate trust in the truth of impermanence, understanding that things will inevitably change, which can help you ride the waves of life and correct your course without being stuck by current conditions.
Adopt a mindset of “continuous failure” and “tacking” like a sailboat, understanding that you will always be correcting your course, which fosters learning and resilience rather than seeking perfection.
Observe that a “strong front” or armored identity in others often indicates a “soft back” or fear, as much energy is expended in defining and defending the self rather than recognizing interconnectedness.
When the ego acts as an “assassin of the good,” turn loving kindness towards it without being consumed, recognizing it as a landscape of suffering to be observed rather than indulged.
Engage in loving kindness (Metta) practice as “reps” to shift habitual negative internal narratives (under-mutter) to pro-social, less toxic habits, thereby changing the content of your pre-conscious experience.
To keep equanimity vibrant and prevent it from becoming dull or a form of bypassing, cultivate a sense of humor and intentionally warm and moisten your heart with loving kindness, both by receiving it through friendship and giving it to others.
Ensure a varied “diet” of experiences that includes beauty, joy, deep friendships, and laughter, alongside engaging with the truth of suffering in the world, to maintain overall well-being and balance.
When exposed to suffering (e.g., news, difficult environments), practice finding the “sweet spot” between over-identifying and objectifying, avoiding dissociation or bypassing, but also not being overwhelmed.
Reduce news consumption and engage in activities like hiking or spending time in nature to transform feelings of helplessness into a sense of agency.
Adopt the Zen concept of “supreme meal” by “rolling everything into your practice,” meaning to integrate all life experiences, even challenging ones, as opportunities for spiritual development.
Understand that developing strength and character often comes from “falling over the edge” and learning to recover from difficult experiences, rather than avoiding them entirely.
Cultivate equanimity by reframing the changes and fluctuations in life (like the “worldly winds”) as natural phenomena, not as personal failures, which helps to loosen their grip.
Practice metacognition to “look over” your internal experience, noticing where mental or emotional knots are tightening, and then consciously loosen that grip with deep patience, refusing to be ruled by tightness or fear.
When observing negative consequences for others, understand the value of accountability and cause-and-effect, but use keen self-observation and wisdom to avoid being caught in schadenfreude or cruelty, even when someone “got what they deserved.”