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Twenty Percent Happier | Matthew Hepburn

Oct 13, 2021 1h 15m 21 insights
<p>In this special episode we're going to do some mindful eavesdropping. You're going to get a chance to listen in on a process that rarely, if ever, gets aired publicly. You're going to hear real students talking to a real meditation teacher about real life issues -- issues in their meditation practice, and issues related to applying meditation to your everyday life.</p> <p><br /></p> <p>The meditation teacher for this episode is Matthew Hepburn. Matthew has spent the last decade teaching meditation in schools, prisons, and meditation centers around the country. He's an incredibly skilled, wise, and funny teacher. He's also worked for many years at Ten Percent Happier, where Matthew is a stalwart on the content team. </p> <p><br /></p> <p>We cover some fascinating issues, including: how meditation can make you braver at work; undercover practices you can do with your spouse or partner; how to find meaning in everyday annoyances; how to handle fear; and the one thing that will break any meditation practice. </p> <p><br /></p> <p>You can listen to <em>20% Happier</em> exclusively on the Ten Percent Happier app and download today: <a href="https://10percenthappier.app.link/install" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://10percenthappier.app.link/install</a></p> <p><br /></p> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>Full Shownotes:</strong> <a href="https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/matthew-hepburn-387" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/matthew-hepburn-387</a></p> <p><br /></p>
Actionable Insights

1. Avoid Meditation as Escape

Do not use meditation techniques as a means to force a different feeling or escape unpleasant emotions, as this is the ‘one thing that will break any meditative tool’ and undermines its effectiveness.

2. Feel Clearly, Not a Certain Way

Practice meditation to clearly feel and observe whatever emotions, thoughts, and urges arise without judgment, which prevents them from owning or controlling your reactions.

3. Challenge Evolutionary Responses

Pause in each moment to consciously choose your response based on agency and core values, rather than automatically following evolutionary or culturally ingrained reactions to present stimuli.

4. Cultivate Intimate Life Relationship

Develop a deeply intimate relationship with your own life through meditation, as this is the most important relationship for experiencing foundational well-being and releasing unnecessary misery.

5. Struggle as Feedback

Treat any feeling of struggle or resistance to the present moment as a feedback mechanism or a ‘bell’ that prompts you to bring mindful attention to what is happening.

6. Bravery Through Feeling Fear

Develop bravery by using meditation to become willing to feel fear without fighting it, which empowers you to take action despite its presence.

7. Wield Attention Intentionally

Train your attention through mindfulness to intentionally shift your perception, especially in familiar areas of life, to profoundly transform how you experience them.

8. Seek a Spiritual Friend (Teacher)

Engage with a meditation teacher as a ‘spiritual friend’ (Kalyana Mitra) to receive guidance on your practice and life, especially when you feel stuck, confused, or need to understand the next step.

9. Apply Mindfulness Strategically at Work

Employ mindfulness and spiritual development strategically in the workplace, reserving its ‘cutting edge’ applications for safer relationships and relying on established professional skills in high-stakes, politically charged situations.

10. Integrate Mindfulness in Small Workplace Moments

Integrate mindfulness into small, safe workplace moments, such as pausing before sending an email, to ensure your actions align with your values; these small moments will snowball into broader integrity.

11. Practice Undercover Partner Meditation

Secretly make your partner the object of short, undercover meditations (60-120 seconds) during mundane activities, perceiving them as a ‘phenomenon’ to reanimate the relationship and experience them freshly.

12. Gratitude Practice in Relationships

Practice gratitude within your relationships to train your mind to actively seek and appreciate positive aspects, which is a beautiful and powerful way to strengthen the bond.

13. Sit with Anxiety to Reduce Control

Sit with anxiety for even short periods (e.g., 10 minutes) during meditation without fighting it, to reduce its control over your life and choices.

14. Focus on Present in Teacher Discussions

In discussions with a meditation teacher, focus on your relationship to life ‘here and now in immediacy,’ rather than rehashing past narratives, to understand and influence current and future experiences.

15. Investigate Subtle Resistance

Bring your attention directly to moments of subtle resistance or ’not wanting to deal with whatever present moment is showing up,’ as this investigation can profoundly transform daily suffering.

16. Name Deep Core Emotional Drivers

Engage in practices that help name and recognize the deep core emotions or patterns driving unconscious behavior, as this gives you agency in how you relate to them.

17. Start Meditation Slowly

Begin meditating slowly and incrementally, even for five minutes at a time every day, gradually investing more time as you find the techniques useful and beneficial.

18. Observe Experienced Practitioners

Observe how experienced meditation teachers or practitioners behave in various contexts to gain confidence and inspiration in the effectiveness and potential of the practice.

19. Engage in Group Meditation Sessions

Seek out small group meditation sessions with a teacher to benefit from hearing universal insights and teacher responses to diverse student experiences, which can be highly relatable.

20. Listen to Others’ Meditation Journeys

If a personal meditation teacher is unavailable, listen to podcasts or recordings of real meditators discussing their challenges with a teacher, as their universal experiences can provide valuable guidance.

21. Remember to Be Aware

Actively remember to bring awareness to your breath or present moment experience, recognizing that the primary challenge is often remembering to do it, not the inherent difficulty of the act itself.