<p><em>New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers.</em></p> <p>---</p> <p>A famed author and humorist takes a deep dive into grief (with Dr. Bianca Harris as co-host).</p> <p><br /></p> <p><a href="https://www.sloanecrosley.com/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Sloane Crosley</a> is the author of <em>The New York Times</em> bestselling books <a href="https://www.sloanecrosley.com/grief-is-for-people-book" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><em>Grief</em> <em>Is</em> <em>for</em> <em>People</em></a>, <a href="http://www.sloanecrosley.com/how-did-you-get-this-number" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><em>How Did You Get This Number</em></a><em>,</em> and <a href="http://www.sloanecrosley.com/i-was-told-thered-be-cake" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><em>I Was Told There'd Be Cake</em></a>. She is also the author of <a href="https://www.sloanecrosley.com/look-alive-out-there" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><em>Look Alive Out There</em></a>, <a href="https://www.sloanecrosley.com/cult-classic" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><em>Cult Classic</em></a> and <a href="http://www.sloanecrosley.com/theclasp" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><em>The Clasp</em></a>, both of which have been optioned for film. She served as editor of <a href="http://www.sloanecrosley.com/best-american-travel-writing-2011" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><em>The Best American Travel Writing</em></a> series and is featured in The Library of America's <em>50 Funniest American Writers,</em> <em>The Best American Nonrequired Reading,</em> Phillip Lopate's <em>The Contemporary American Essay</em> and others. She was the inaugural columnist for <em>The New York Times</em> Op-Ed "Townies" series, a contributing editor at <em>Interview Magazine,</em> and a columnist for <em>The Village Voice, Vanity Fair, The Independent, Black Book, Departures</em> and <em>The New York Observer.</em> She is a contributing editor at <em>Vanity Fair</em>. She has taught at Columbia University and The Yale Writers' Workshop.</p> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>In this episode we talk about:</strong></p> <ul> <li>A series of consecutive losses that Sloane endured</li> <li>The concept of cumulative grief </li> <li>Sloane's version of the five stages of grief</li> <li>Her beef with acceptance</li> <li>Bibliotherapy as a source of healing</li> <li>And much more</li> </ul> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>Related Episodes:</strong></p> <p><a href="https://happierapp.com/podcast/tph/cody-delistraty-872" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">The Science Of Grief: What Helps, What Doesn't, And Why We Don't Talk About It Enough | Cody Delistraty</a></p> <p><a href="https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/sam-sanders-873" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">How To Talk To Yourself When Things Suck | Sam Sanders</a></p> <p><a href="https://www.happierapp.com/podcast/tph/mary-frances-oconnor-450" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#450. The Science of Loss and Recovery | Mary-Frances O'Connor</a></p> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>Sign up for Dan's newsletter</strong> <a href="http://www.danharris.com" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>here</strong></a></p> <p><strong>Follow Dan on social:</strong> <a href="https://bit.ly/3tGigG5" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Instagram</strong></a><strong>,</strong> <a href="https://bit.ly/3FOA84J" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>TikTok</strong></a></p> <p><strong>Ten Percent Happier online</strong> <a href="https://bit.ly/46TZglY" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>bookstore</strong></a></p> <p><strong>Subscribe to our</strong> <a href="https://bit.ly/3FybRzD" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>YouTube Channel</strong></a></p> <p><strong>Our favorite playlists on:</strong> <a href="https://spoti.fi/3Qa8kMT" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Anxiety</strong></a><strong>,</strong> <a href="https://spoti.fi/3MjtMxF" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Sleep</strong></a><strong>,</strong> <a href="https://spoti.fi/3QvyA5J" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Relationships</strong></a><strong>,</strong> <a href="https://spoti.fi/3QxZASc" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Most Popular Episodes</strong></a></p> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>Full Shownotes:</strong> <a href="https://happierapp.com/podcast/tph/sloane-crosley-874" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://happierapp.com/podcast/tph/sloane-crosley-874</a></p> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>Additional Resources:</strong></p> <ul> <li>Download the Happier app today: <a href="https://my.happierapp.com/link/download" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://my.happierapp.com/link/download</a></li> <li><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Anxiety-Missing-Revolutionary-Approach-Understanding/dp/073823477X" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Anxiety: The Missing Stage of Grief: A Revolutionary Approach to Understanding and Healing the Impact of Loss</strong></a></li> <li><a href="https://www.amazon.com/All-Puny-Sorrows-Miriam-Toews/dp/1940450713" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">All My Puny Sorrows</a></li> <li><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Otherwise-Selected-Poems-Jane-Kenyon/dp/1555972667" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Otherwise: New & Selected Poems By Jane Kenyon</a></li> </ul> <p><br /></p>
Actionable Insights
1. Fully Embrace Grief’s Emotions
During grief, allow yourself to feel everything without pushing emotions away, keeping your eyes open to the full spectrum of feelings.
2. Prepare for Inevitable Change
Cultivate preparedness for change, as this approach can significantly reduce the suffering experienced when changes inevitably occur.
3. Acknowledge Grief and Loss
Avoid living in denial about grief and loss, as this sets you up for extra suffering when inevitable losses occur.
4. Appreciate Life’s Impermanence
Stay in touch with the ground truth of change and loss to wake up and stop taking things for granted.
5. Accept Lack of Acceptance
In the context of grief, allow yourself to accept that you may not ‘get over it’ or fully accept the loss, understanding that this is a valid part of the grieving process.
6. Practice “Let It Be” with Sadness
Instead of trying to ’let go’ of sadness, practice ’let it be,’ acknowledging that thoughts and sadness may continue throughout life without struggling against them.
7. Live Life to Crowd Out Sadness
While grief may create a ’new organ that secretes sadness,’ continue living your life, as this process will naturally crowd out the sadness and help you move forward.
8. Ask Grievers About Their Needs
When encountering someone grieving, ask ‘What was that like for you?’ and ‘What do you need from me?’ to offer genuine support and understand their specific needs.
9. Validate Shared Grief
When someone shares their grief, respond with ‘I’m so glad you told me that’ to validate their experience and make them feel heard and less isolated.
10. Normalize Despair and Mortality Talk
Talk openly about despair and mortality, as it’s part of the human condition and helps destigmatize these thoughts, making it easier for those in danger to seek help.
11. Engage in Bibliotherapy for Healing
Seek healing and understanding through novels and poetry, such as works by Jane Kenyon or ‘All My Puny Sorrows’ by Miriam Taubes, to find solace and perspective on the human experience of grief.
12. Be Selective with Self-Help
When using self-help books, especially for grief, recognize that not all advice is one-size-fits-all; ‘fish through’ and find only what genuinely resonates and means something to you.
13. Allow Non-Judgmental Grieving
Understand that there is no ‘wrong way’ to grieve, whether it’s for two months or two years, and allow yourself to process loss without self-judgment.
14. Embrace Universal Loss
Be humbled by the universal nature of loss and suffering, recognizing it as an inherent part of the human experience rather than an isolated event.
15. Utilize Meditation App for Connection
Download the ‘10% with Dan Harris’ app to access guided meditations for stress, anxiety, sleep, focus, and self-compassion, and to engage with teachers and the community in live Zoom sessions.
16. Receive Wisdom via Email and App
Sign up at danharris.com for brief, frequent emails offering wisdom, live video guided meditations with Q&A, and text chat with Dan Harris and podcast guests.
17. Try Meditation App Free
Sign up for a 14-day free trial of the ‘10% with Dan Harris’ app at danharris.com to explore its features.
18. Introverts Can Lurk in App
If you are an introvert, you can still engage with the app’s community sessions by lurking without active participation.