Recognize that qualities like patience, calm, gratitude, generosity, compassion, and self-awareness are skills that can be trained and developed, contradicting the notion that we cannot change.
The science suggests that compassion is a life skill that can make you happier, healthier, and more successful, so don’t dismiss it.
Engage in compassion as a form of wise self-interest, as His Holiness the Dalai Lama suggests it’s the path to a more meaningful and joyful life by living from a place of kindness.
For personal transformation, combine knowledge (seeing the world differently), conscious intention setting (priming instincts and daily values), and meditation (internalizing new perspectives and calming the mind).
Avoid relying solely on willpower for habit formation, and instead tap into the brain’s reward system by making desired behaviors pleasurable, which creates sustainable and abiding habits.
Develop a basic level of self-compassion to sustain long-term compassion for others, as without it, you risk burnout and resentment towards those you care for.
Develop genuine self-kindness rooted in a healthy self-image, especially during failures or disappointments, to learn from experiences rather than self-criticism, which helps maintain composure.
Cultivate a sense of self-worth defined internally, recognizing your inherent value as a human being, rather than relying solely on external achievements or perceptions, to foster a healthier self-image.
Use meditation to quiet your mind and take a reflective standpoint, allowing you to step back, observe your thoughts and patterns, and disengage from habitual reactions, thereby increasing self-awareness.
Practice modern mindfulness meditation to develop meta-awareness, the skill to step back and observe the contents of your mind without getting sucked into spiraling thoughts or emotions.
It’s never too late to start meditating, as the brain is plastic and trainable throughout all ages, suggesting it can have a beneficial effect on the aging brain and mind.
Feel free to meditate in any of the four classical postures—sitting, standing, walking, or lying down—as the position is not hugely important if you are training your mind in the right direction.
Systematically envision people (benefactor, self, friend, neutral, difficult, all beings) and silently repeat phrases like ‘may you be happy, may you be healthy’ to train the mind to have a more congenial attitude toward others, which science suggests can make you healthier.
To make compassion meditation effective, actively practice kindness in everyday life by seizing opportunities for compassionate action, which reinforces your meditation practice.
Recognize that the joy derived from helping others sustains motivation for compassionate actions, as it makes you feel good and enhances your well-being, creating a positive feedback loop.
Set conscious intentions every morning to establish the tone for your day, helping you connect daily activities with your core values and desired behaviors.
Regularly run through everything you are grateful for in your head, as this practice is incredibly helpful for cultivating a more relaxed state and counteracting the tendency to take things for granted.
Meditate in the fetal position as you’re going to sleep, as it can be a great way to fall asleep and continue your practice up until the last waking moments of every day.
Use compassion to move beyond superficial differences and deeply understand why others hold opposing viewpoints, allowing you to connect on a basic human level and prevent hateful feelings.
Practice compassion by giving others the benefit of the doubt and refraining from immediate judgment, which allows for a more composed and understanding response to difficult situations.
If someone acts intentionally mean, stand up to them without losing your composure, understanding that their actions often stem from a place of pain.
Recognize that while anger may offer momentary gratification, it ultimately has a ‘poisoned root’ that is tiring and harmful, making it better not to carry around hate.
Teach children social emotional learning to help them become more aware of their emotions, recognize frustration or dysregulation, and use simple techniques like taking a breath to exercise restraint, which can make a huge difference.
Make compassion an explicit societal value to set a clear behavioral standard, encouraging community members to act in particular ways and pay more attention to those who are struggling.
Actively bring compassion into political discourse to foster common ground, as it is a value claimed by both sides of the political spectrum and can provide a basis for people from different ideologies to come together.
Engage in positive competition, motivated by a desire to bring out your best and contribute your full capabilities, rather than negative competition that involves undermining others.
Be wary of turning religion into a basis for national or ethnic identity, as this can be used to justify oppression and division, even if the original teachings are beautiful.
Religious communities should speak up in a single voice against the misuse of their teachings to justify nationalism, ethnic division, or mistreatment of different communities.