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This Thanksgiving, How to Make Gratitude More Than a Platitude | DaRa Williams

Nov 2, 2022 59m 24s 30 insights
<p><em>New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with early access for Wondery+ subscribers.</em></p> <p>---</p> <p>Can gratitude be more than just a platitude? Our guest today argues: yes. </p> <p><br /></p> <p>DaRa Williams is a longtime practitioner and teacher of meditation. She is one of the guiding teachers at Insight Meditation Society, a graduate of the Spirit Rock Insight Meditation Society Teacher Training Program, and also has a clinical mental health private practice in Manhattan. DaRa also says, only semi-facetiously, that she believes gratitude can be considered the fifth Brahma Vihara. </p> <p><br /></p> <p>In this conversation we talk about:</p> <ul> <li>How to start knitting gratitude into your everyday life</li> <li>Whether gratitude is possible when everything sucks</li> <li>How to avoid spiritual bypass</li> <li>The opportunity that suffering brings for happiness</li> <li>How to take our suffering less personally</li> <li>The power of reminding yourself that you are nature</li> <li>And our unconscious fascination with creating difficulty</li> </ul> <p><br /></p> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>Full Shownotes:</strong> <a href="https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/dara-williams-295-rerun" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/dara-williams-295-rerun</a></p>
Actionable Insights

1. Accept Reality for Freedom

Open yourself to the realization of ’this is how it is’ and engage with circumstances from a place of acceptance, bringing your body, mind, and heart to that awareness to find freedom.

2. Prioritize Heart-Centered Wisdom

Cultivate wisdom and awareness that resides in the heart, as it is a ’true place’ that is less prone to being misled by the mind, fostering a deeper understanding.

3. View Self as Part of Nature

Reside in the awareness that you are nature, not separate from it, as this perspective can bring profound understanding and ease in various life domains.

4. Continuously Cultivate Positive States

Understand that positive states like gratitude, equanimity, joy, compassion, and love require ongoing, intentional cultivation, similar to daily hygiene, rather than a one-time achievement.

5. Treat Gratitude as Hygiene

Engage with gratitude daily and consistently, similar to how you would take a shower, to ensure ongoing mental and emotional cleanliness.

6. Practice Equanimity in Difficulty

Engage in equanimity practice as a primary support for navigating and moving through difficult and challenging times.

7. Expect Challenges, Cultivate Balance

Recognize that your nervous system will react to challenges; therefore, intentionally and ongoingly cultivate states of heart and mind as medicine, and don’t be surprised when difficulties arise, instead seeking balance.

8. Prioritize Moderation and Self-Care

Actively prioritize moderation and self-care, especially amidst turmoil and chaos, to avoid perpetual fatigue and maintain balance.

9. Manage Commitments to Avoid Fatigue

Intentionally commit to managing your commitments, responsibilities, and time in a way that allows you to be ‘used up’ but not fatigued by the end of the day.

10. Create Physical & Mental Space

Guard daily possibilities for both literal physical pause and space, as well as psychological and emotional space, to support presence and reduce overwhelm.

11. Set Boundaries for Spaciousness

Take a stand for your schedule, be forthright and direct with others, and verbalize your commitment to creating spaciousness and freedom for yourself, such as delaying responses.

12. Cultivate Brahma Viharas

Engage in the practices of friendliness (metta), compassion (karuna), sympathetic joy (mudita), and equanimity (upekkha) as they create fertile conditions for gratitude to arise.

13. Balance Energetics in Practice

Seek to balance masculine and feminine energetics within your practice, incorporating approaches like engaging with music and nature to bring equilibrium to your being.

14. View Thoughts as Nature

Cultivate equanimity by viewing all thoughts, even personal-seeming ‘horrors,’ as simply nature or the results of causes and conditions, which helps to remove judgment and reduce their stickiness.

15. Skillfully Interact with Thoughts

Interact skillfully with the ‘conveyor belt’ of thoughts by viewing them with nonjudgmental remove, warmth, and perspective, allowing you to discern which thoughts to act on and which to let go.

16. Intervene on Aversive Thoughts

Use thoughts as a guidepost, noticing when thoughts of aversion (annoyance, frustration, rage) arise, and then intervene without judgment by ‘plucking out’ the thought and reinserting a thought or felt sense of equanimity and balance.

17. Inquire into Underlying Thoughts

When an aversive thought arises, drop down underneath it to inquire if there are deeper thoughts or reactions that need to be addressed, beyond just a surface-level reaction.

18. Equanimity Through Bodily Awareness

Practice equanimity by checking in with and grounding yourself in your bodily responses to circumstances, assessing if the response is unskillful, and then sensing into a felt sense of balance using the body.

19. Examine Personal Suffering’s ‘Why’

When experiencing pain or suffering, inquire into why it ‘feels wrong’ to you, rather than immediately going down a rabbit hole of self-pity or resistance.

20. Surrender to Present Reality

When faced with ongoing suffering or difficult conditions, surrender to ’this is how it is’ to find release and freedom, then determine if any action can be taken.

21. Discern Action vs. Letting Go

After accepting a situation, discern whether action is required or if it’s best to leave it alone, allowing for wise engagement.

22. Start Day with Gratitude

Before your feet hit the ground in the morning, express gratitude through your heart and mind for being present for another day.

23. Acknowledge Small Daily Gratitudes

Actively notice and acknowledge small, day-to-day moments and interactions (e.g., family members moving, pet greetings) as opportunities for gratitude.

24. Find Gratitude Amidst Difficulty

Even when experiencing negative emotions or challenging circumstances, actively seek out and identify something for which you can be grateful.

25. Gratitude for Basic Comforts

Take moments to appreciate basic comforts like a hot shower, recognizing the simple blessings in your daily life.

26. Connect to Ancestral Resilience

Generate immediate gratitude by remembering your ancestors who navigated hard places and survived, recognizing their struggles and commitment as a foundation for your present existence.

27. Use Visual Gratitude Cues

Place physical reminders like a three-by-five card on your bathroom mirror or keep a gratitude box by your bed to prompt daily gratitude practice.

28. Cultivate Gratitude with Music

Listen to music that deeply resonates with your body and evokes a felt sense of gratitude and appreciation, bypassing the mind.

29. Practice Presence for Gratitude

Actively cultivate presence in your daily life, as being present naturally supports and enhances the experience of gratitude.

30. Set Intentions for Gratitude

During sitting or walking meditation, set the intention to remember and sit in gratitude, allowing that feeling to infuse your body, heart, and mind.