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This Episode Will Make You Stronger | Sister Dang Nghiem

Dec 8, 2021 59m 54s 31 insights
<p>It's hard to be a human. No matter how good things are for you, being alive is still hard; whatever your life circumstances are, we're all subject to impermanence and entropy. This episode dives into a five-part Buddhist list for being stronger in the face of whatever life throws at you. And the person who will be walking us through this list has an enormous amount of standing to talk about strength. </p> <p><br /></p> <p>Sister Dang Nghiem, who goes by Sister D, is a nun in the Plum Village tradition and a disciple of Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh. She was born in Vietnam during the war, the daughter of a Vietnamese mother and an American soldier. Sister D experienced an unfathomable amount of loss before relocating to the US, where she became a doctor and later, after experiencing more loss, became a nun. She's written several books. Her most recent is <a href="https://plumvillage.org/people/dharma-teachers/sister-dang-nghiem/#block_605bc01908617-3" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><em>Flowers in the Dark</em></a>.</p> <p><br /></p> <p>In this conversation, Sister D shares her story, and then walks us through The Five Strengths of Applied Zen Buddhism which include trust, diligence, mindfulness, concentration, and insight.</p> <p><br /></p> <p><em>Content Warning: This episode covers difficult topics including death, mental illness, and sexual abuse. </em></p> <p><br /></p> <p>The Anti-Diet Challenge has already begun, and today is the last day to join! If you're not already a Ten Percent Happier subscriber, you can join us by starting a free trial that'll give you access to the challenge, along with our entire app. Click <a href="https://10percenthappier.app.link/install" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">here</a> to get started.</p>
Actionable Insights

1. Practice “Stopping” and “Deep Looking”

Engage in meditation by practicing “stopping” to prevent the mind from dwelling on the past or future, and “deep looking” to perceive reality as it is and live deeply in the present moment.

2. Anchor Mind with Mindful Breathing

Practice mindful breathing by being aware of your in-breath and out-breath to anchor your mind in your body and the present moment, preventing it from wandering to the past or future.

3. Cultivate Self-Trust Through Breath

Actively cultivate self-trust by consistently returning your mind to your breath and body moment-to-moment, acknowledging and tending to whatever arises (pain, sadness) to demonstrate you can care for and love yourself.

4. Stop Running, Dwell Stably in Present

In daily life, consciously stop running from difficulties in your mind, speech, and actions; instead, dwell stably with clarity in the present moment to respond to situations as they are, rather than reacting as a victim of the past.

5. Tend Your Wounds Tenderly

Do not run away from or pretend difficulties, conflicts, or traumas don’t exist, as this allows the wound to fester; instead, tend to your suffering tenderly and lovingly for proper healing.

6. Actively Heal, Don’t Just Wait

Understand that time alone does not heal; actively engage in practices to care for your suffering, as merely reliving it over time can strengthen its hold and shape your identity.

7. Be Your Own Soulmate

Learn to remember, know, and master your own feelings, thoughts, and suffering, actively taking good care of yourself to become your own soulmate.

8. Reframe Past Victimhood in Present

By anchoring your mind in the present moment, recognize your current strength and agency, allowing you to see reality as it is and avoid reacting as a victim of past traumas.

9. Undo Negative Habits and Neural Pathways

Learn to consciously undo ingrained negative habits and neural pathways that cause self-suffering, such as self-harm or negative self-talk, to achieve freedom from past patterns.

10. Practice Formal Sitting Meditation

Engage in daily formal sitting meditation (e.g., 45 min morning, 30 min evening) by closing your eyes, sitting quietly, and focusing on your body, breath, and arising thoughts/feelings without distraction, listening to your inner self like a third person.

11. Practice Informal Daily Mindfulness

Integrate mindfulness throughout your day by being aware of your breath, body, and steps while driving, cooking, or working, preventing your mind from wandering and rehearsing negative thoughts.

12. Respond, Don’t React, to Triggers

When encountering people or situations that trigger negative thoughts, recognize the thought, then breathe, smile, and relax your body to respond appropriately rather than reacting through the lens of past experiences.

13. Practice Right Diligence

Invest your time and energy in activities that foster understanding, empathy, healing, and transformation, rather than merely consuming time with activities that yield little positive outcome.

14. Use Waiting Time for Inner Check-in

During moments of waiting (e.g., for a phone call), practice right diligence by closing your eyes or sitting quietly to check in with your body and quiet your mind, rather than automatically engaging with screens.

15. Address Strong Emotions Immediately

When strong emotions or negative views arise, practice right diligence by immediately taking care of them through mindful awareness, rather than letting them fester or take hold.

16. Consciously Choose Responses, Not Reactions

Practice diligence by recognizing how the past influences present thoughts, speech, and behavior, then consciously choose to breathe and respond thoughtfully (e.g., by not speaking, smiling, or rephrasing) instead of reacting habitually.

17. Undo Reactive Coping Mechanisms

Actively work to undo accumulated reactive coping mechanisms (fight, flight, freeze) by choosing to pause, breathe, and act intentionally in situations, recognizing that past responses may not be appropriate for the present.

18. Cultivate a “Now Mind”

Develop mindfulness by training your mind and heart to be fully present, aware of your own body, thoughts, and feelings, as well as those of others, to respond from the present moment rather than the past or future.

19. Practice Single-Tasking with Awareness

Counter the myth of multitasking by consciously focusing on one task at a time with full awareness, which prevents errors, regrets, and ensures genuine attentiveness to your actions.

20. Develop Sustained Awareness

Cultivate concentration by stringing together moments of mindfulness, gradually extending your sustained awareness on an object (like the breath) to deepen your focus over time.

21. Use Concentration for Deep Understanding

Apply sustained concentration to deeply examine past experiences or complex situations, allowing you to see the broader context and interconnectedness, thereby fostering empathy for all involved.

22. Cultivate Right View to Release Hatred

Develop insight and wisdom to burn away “wrong views” (e.g., self-blame, hatred towards others) that perpetuate suffering, thereby releasing hatred towards yourself and others and fostering love and compassion.

23. Apply Practices to Prevent Negative History

Utilize the five strengths (trust, right diligence, right mindfulness, right concentration, and insight) individually and collectively to stop, look deeply, and prevent the repetition of negative historical patterns, fostering better care for humanity and the planet.

24. Self-Care Enables Helping Others

Embrace a spiritual life and practices to first take care of your own suffering and cultivate inner peace, as this foundation enables you to effectively help others.

25. Address Suffering for True Happiness

Recognize that unaddressed suffering will persist and impede happiness; therefore, actively taking care of one’s suffering is crucial for genuine well-being.

26. Face Yourself to Avoid Repetition

Understand that avoiding your inner self means “wherever you go, there you are,” leading to the repetition and worsening of unaddressed suffering, as wounds do not heal themselves.

27. Allow Yourself to Heal

Recognize your inherent capacity to heal and actively choose to tend, dress, and heal your wounds rather than allowing them to fester through unmindful consumption or avoidance.

28. Daily Practices for Moment-to-Moment Healing

Engage in concrete daily practices such as mindful breathing, mindful walking, sitting meditation, and continuous awareness of thoughts and feelings to listen to and care for yourself, fostering moment-to-moment healing.

29. Pursue Spiritual Life for Peace

If seeking to cultivate lasting peace and live contentedly with oneself, consider pursuing a spiritual life, as mindfulness practices offer concrete and scientific methods for achieving this.

30. Try New Meditation App

Download the “10% with Dan Harris” app via danharris.com for a 14-day trial to access guided meditations, live Zoom sessions, and ad-free podcast episodes.

31. Join Anti-Diet Challenge

Download the 10% Happier app or visit 10percent.com to join the anti-diet challenge featuring Christy Harrison, which has made a huge difference for the host.