Treat your inner self with the same unconditional support and kindness you would offer a loved one, rather than constantly trying to ‘fix’ yourself. This approach reduces exhaustion and cultivates self-love.
Approach your long-term goals and resolutions from a place of self-love or self-compassion, not self-loathing or shame, to significantly increase your likelihood of achieving them.
Practice self-love by simply ‘being with yourself as you are’ in every moment, accepting your current state whether you like it or not, rather than striving to feel a certain way. This fosters a gentler, more empowering inner experience.
When you are struggling, respond to yourself with the same kindness, listening, and presence you would offer a struggling friend, instead of self-criticism or trying to force different feelings. This approach cultivates self-love and compassion.
Cultivate self-love by first establishing self-acceptance, which involves sanely acknowledging and embracing your complete, messy self as you are. This foundational acceptance allows for kindness and a more human path.
Develop the clarity to notice, even subtly, when you are having a hard time or are caught in a self-defeating story. This initial awareness is crucial for breaking cycles of judgment and moving towards a more caring response.
When you notice you’re having a hard time, choose a different response than judgment; instead, offer yourself a ‘slight moment of concern’ or turn towards your discomfort. This breaks the cycle of negative self-talk and opens up a more caring inner space.
Understand that directing your attention is a fundamental act of love. By shining the light of awareness on your thoughts and inner conditions, you can observe them without judgment, which allows them to self-liberate and dissolve.
To disarm the inner critic, first notice its presence and the harm it causes. Then, try playful interventions like giving it a silly name or imagining it with a funny voice to detach from it and reduce its emotional charge.
When experiencing emotional pain that manifests physically, place your hand on the affected area of your body and offer yourself a kind, comforting phrase. This mammalian response of self-touch and gentle acknowledgment can help calm your system.
Effectively care for yourself by balancing your ‘caregiver’ self (which nurtures and withdraws from intensity) with your ‘warrior’ self (which opens to discomfort and challenge). Know when to indulge in self-care and when to practice staying with intensity to build capacity.
Prioritize self-care not as selfishness, but as a necessary foundation for effectively serving others. By taking care of yourself, you ensure you are not ‘a mess,’ enabling you to offer genuine and abiding care.
Adopt the principle that care is the healthiest response to suffering, regardless of whether it originates from yourself or others. Extend the same level of concern and kindness to your own struggles as you would to someone else’s.
Approach meditation not as a means to fix what’s wrong with you, but as a practice to relax and realize your inherent wholeness and worthiness. This perspective dispenses with self-aggression and supports confidence in your true self.
If your ’nonjudgmental awareness’ feels cold or contains hidden aversion, actively apply warmth or kindness through practices like saying a kind phrase to yourself. This can significantly improve your inner experience.
Actively practice caring responses when you’re struggling, which could involve repeating a kind phrase to yourself or engaging in self-care activities like walking in nature, stretching, or watching a favorite show. Experiment to discover what genuinely shifts your inner tone.
If you find yourself unable to accept a particular feeling or situation, practice accepting your inability to accept it. This ‘backing up’ to a broader perspective prevents further struggle and creates space.
To manage the painful comparing mind, first notice when it arises. Then, instead of fighting the comparison or creating a new story, tune into the physical sensation or feeling of distress it causes, and let go of the narrative to allow it to dissipate.
When struggling with self-criticism or regret, try writing about your experience in the third person (e.g., ‘she did this,’ ‘he felt that’). This creates a helpful distance, allowing for a softer, more compassionate perspective than a first-person account.
Engage in meditation to create mental space and reset your looping mind. This practice allows for the emergence of more intelligent, creative, and appropriate responses to life’s problems and challenges, rather than needing to know specific solutions beforehand.
Continuously reapply self-compassion and gentle counteractions to your habitual negative storylines, understanding that changing decades of conditioning requires persistent effort. This ‘self-compassion on top of self-compassion’ approach is crucial for long-term change.
Recognize that consistent meditation not only builds self-compassion but also cultivates an unexpected ‘inner fierceness’ or confidence. This newfound strength can empower you to take chances, change patterns, and confront difficult aspects of yourself or your life.
Develop a personal ‘medicine shelf’ of coping strategies you know will help you disengage from intense discomfort and take care of yourself, such as watching Netflix, taking a nature walk, or stretching. Be explicit about these strategies so you can apply them when needed.
Discern between self-love and selfishness by observing your sense of humor: if you’ve lost all humor and are grimly bearing down on yourself regarding a concern, you’ve likely tipped into selfishness. Self-love, conversely, allows for lightness and a sense of humor about your concerns.
Recognize that life involves a dynamic, active balancing act between self-care and caring for others, and that imbalance is natural. Use the principle of care to notice when you’re unbalanced, then consciously adjust to bolster resources for yourself or others as needed.
Participate in the free 21-day New Year’s meditation challenge on the 10% Happier app, meditating for about 10 minutes daily (at least 15 out of 21 days), to learn and integrate self-love and self-compassion practices into your life. Consider inviting friends or family for accountability.
To make meditation practice sustainable, ensure you have clear instruction on how to practice, a method for reflecting on your experiences, and the sense of being part of a community (even if unseen). These elements provide a strong foundation for consistency.