When encountering someone with outlandish views, begin with empathy, compassion, and questions to understand the psychological purpose of their belief, rather than arguing with facts. This is because delusions often serve a functional psychological purpose, and addressing this underlying need is more effective than simply presenting facts.
To effectively change someone’s dangerous delusion, go beyond presenting facts and instead inquire about the underlying psychological purpose the delusion serves for them. Then, explore alternative ways to meet that psychological need, as this approach is more effective than just presenting facts.
Observe your self-deceptions and consciously decide whether to embrace them if they produce good outcomes, or challenge them if they cause harm. This allows for intentional management of your mental landscape, leveraging beneficial delusions while combating harmful ones.
When discussing sensitive topics, acknowledge and validate the other person’s fears, explaining that they often stem from positive intentions like love for family. This approach avoids belittling their concerns, dials down the emotional temperature, and fosters a more empathetic conversation, which is more effective than just presenting data.
Believe positive things about your romantic partner, such as them being very handsome or kind, even if those things are not completely true. This self-deception can lead to a happier and more stable relationship.
Allow yourself to believe your child is special and miraculous, even if it’s a delusion. This “useful delusion” helps parents undertake great difficulties to protect and raise their children securely, making them better parents.
Regularly remind yourself that you are not your emotions; rather, emotions are transient phenomena happening to you, not defining who you are. This practice helps you stand apart from your experiences, fostering patience and allowing you to see the truth in those emotions without being consumed by them.
Practice observing your experiences and emotions, rather than solely identifying as the experiencer, ideally being both the experiencer and the observer simultaneously. This allows for a helpful distance from what’s happening, similar to psychotherapy, enabling you to listen back to yourself and gain perspective.
When experiencing strong emotions or desires, change your internal framing from “I am angry” to “there is anger” or “there is desire.” This linguistic shift helps you perceive emotions as transient phenomena separate from your core self, leading to liberation from ego-driven greed and hatred.
When facing monumental challenges or despair, focus on surviving just one day at a time, creating a new 24-hour deadline each day. This breaks down overwhelming difficulties into bite-sized, manageable portions, making it easier to navigate and endure.
Occasionally allow a fleeting thought about your own mortality or that a current interaction might be the last. This can make you more attentive, mindful, compassionate, and forgiving in the present moment, vivifying it.
Assess whether a self-deception leads to kinder, better, more empathetic, or compassionate behavior (useful) versus exploitation, harm, or leading astray (dangerous). This allows you to discern between “good” and “dangerous” delusions, as the utility is determined by the consequences.
To encourage widespread adoption of a behavior, communicate that most people are already engaging in it and introduce a sense of scarcity for the desired action. This leverages human tendencies to follow norms and respond to perceived scarcity, promoting functional outcomes.
Recognize that your view of the world is not necessarily the only or correct way, and that others may see things differently. This helps overcome naive realism, which often prevents empathy and compassion, allowing for a more open understanding of diverse perspectives.
Acknowledge that turning to self-deception can be a response to vulnerability and difficult life circumstances, and that the ability to forgo self-deception might be a form of privilege. This fosters greater compassion and less judgment towards others who rely on delusions to cope with their challenges.
Download the 10% Happier app and participate in the free Taming Anxiety Challenge, which involves daily short videos with experts and 10-minute guided meditations. This helps build a healthier relationship with anxiety, manage stress, and change how you manage uncertainty.