The Science of Quitting: How, When, and Why to Do It | Julia Keller

1. Identify Your “North Star”

Strip away external pressures and ask yourself, “What do I truly want, care about, and enjoy?” allowing these core desires to significantly guide your decisions, even when clarity is obscured.

2. Ask “What Matters Most?”

When facing difficult decisions or confusion, use the pithy question “What matters most?” to cut through complexity and clarify your priorities.

3. Prioritize Time & Emotional Alignment

Reflect on the brevity of life and avoid sticking with endeavors that no longer make intellectual or emotional sense, as it is foolish and short-sighted and not worthy of your limited time.

4. Reframe Quitting as Wisdom

Challenge the cultural stigma around quitting and recognize that it can often be the wisest path, backed by research, rather than a moral failing.

5. Develop Cognitive Flexibility

Cultivate the ability to discern when it is appropriate to persevere and when it is time to quit, rather than rigidly adhering to the idea that perseverance is always virtuous.

6. View Quitting as a Dimmer Switch

Approach quitting not as an all-or-nothing decision, but as a “dimmer switch” that allows for pauses, pivots, or small changes, rather than always requiring a full stop and complete redirection.

7. Divest from Misaligned Values

Consciously divest yourself of professional responsibilities, activities, or beliefs that no longer align with your core values or how you wish to spend your limited time.

8. Trust Your Inner Wisdom

Listen to your inner knowing – in your heart, soul, and mind – about when it’s time to quit, and actively work to overcome the cultural baggage and judgment associated with the idea of quitting.

9. Overcome Fear of External Judgment

Recognize that fear of what others will say often prevents necessary changes, and strive to make decisions based on what is working for you rather than external perceptions.

10. Embrace Continuous Personal Change

Reject the notion that people don’t change; instead, embrace the continuous capacity for personal transformation in beliefs, preferences, and views at any age as a “great glory of humanity.”

11. Embrace Paradox of Interconnection

Understand that life is a “both-and” paradox where individual effort matters, but we are also deeply embedded in and dependent on larger systems and communities.

12. Cultivate Compassion for Others

Actively strive to understand and take into account the unique circumstances, burdens, and gifts that shape every individual’s life, rather than attributing success or failure solely to grit or its absence.

13. Learn from Nature’s Survival Instincts

Observe how animals prioritize survival by making quick decisions to let go of what isn’t working and move towards what is, without concern for external judgment or appearing “gutsy.”

14. Engage in “Aerobics for the Brain”

Recognize that quitting and changing course keeps your brain active and in motion, which is essential for brain health, akin to “aerobics for the brain.”

15. Leverage Autonomy for Choice

Recognize that having the autonomy to quit can paradoxically empower you to choose to stay, transforming a forced commitment into a conscious decision.

16. Practice “Quasi-Quitting” (Pause & Pivot)

Instead of a full stop, consider a “quasi-quit” by pausing and pivoting, making small changes to a situation (e.g., job, relationship) to make it more to your liking, rather than assuming everything must go away at once.

17. Assert Your Desires & Needs

Recognize that expressing what you want and need is not selfish, but a necessary assertion of your self-worth, as you are ultimately responsible for your own well-being.

18. Read Biographies for Life Strategies

Engage in reading biographies to learn how others have navigated life changes and made decisions, drawing broad strokes and hints that can be adapted to your own circumstances.

19. Use Quitting as Conversation Catalyst

When a young person wants to quit something, use it as an opportunity to initiate a deeper conversation about their reasons, fears, desires, and emotional structure, rather than immediately dismissing or accepting their decision.

20. Find a Community of “Quitters”

Actively seek out and connect with others who have made significant life changes or “quit” paths that no longer served them, fostering a sense of belonging and support in your new direction.

21. Never Worry Alone

When facing difficult decisions, especially about quitting, share your concerns and seek support from your community, recognizing that you are part of a larger interconnected system.

22. Deliberately Build New Community

After leaving a job, relationship, or other established situation, be deliberate and methodical in actively seeking and building a new community, as it is crucial for support and sanity.