Recognize that people are about twice as likely to agree to your requests and be more helpful than you anticipate. This means your desired outcomes are often more within reach than you think.
Be mindful that your influence can be exploited, and people find it difficult to say no, even to inappropriate requests. Take responsibility for your power and think twice before asking for something that might cause discomfort or regret.
Your presence alone matters, as others notice you more than you think and your representation can influence conversations. Speaking your opinion, even imperfectly, and making specific requests are more impactful than you realize, increasing your likelihood of getting what you want.
Asking for favors in person is significantly more effective than via email, as compliance rates can be much higher due to the emotional and immediate nature of face-to-face interaction. If in-person isn’t possible, a phone or video call is still preferable to email for better engagement.
When asked for something face-to-face, avoid immediate rejection by saying, ‘Let me think about that,’ and offer to respond later via email. This allows you to mindfully decide and articulate your refusal without the pressure of an on-the-spot confrontation, helping you maintain your priorities.
Do not assume people need to be paid or pushed aggressively to agree to your requests, as money often doesn’t increase compliance, and overly aggressive arguments can cause people to shut down. A more subtle, gentle, and direct approach is often more effective.
Don’t hold back from speaking up due to fear of imperfect phrasing or awkwardness, as people tend to remember the broad strokes of what you say rather than specific details. Simply expressing your opinion or stance is more important than perfect articulation for shaping understanding.
Be aware that people tend to assume what you say is true, even if you haven’t vetted it, leading to the proliferation of misinformation, especially if it’s emotionally charged. Take responsibility for the information you share, as your casual comments can set norms and have far-reaching, potentially toxic, impacts.
If you are in a position of power, be especially aware that your influence is greater than you perceive, with even mild suggestions being interpreted as commands. You may also be less adept at understanding others’ perspectives, so remember that subordinates feel more constrained and less able to say no than you might.
Understand that people notice you more in your everyday life than you think, even when you feel invisible. Be aware that your ordinary actions and behaviors are observed and can influence others through ‘behavior contagion.’
Recognize that your actions, such as adopting new behaviors, are noticed by others more than you realize and can spread through social networks. This tells them what the norms of the situation are and leads them to adopt similar behaviors.
To better understand your influence and contribution to group or relationship dynamics, practice taking a third-party, ‘fly-on-the-wall’ perspective. This allows you to visually see yourself within a scene and recognize your impact more clearly.
Instead of merely guessing what others are thinking or feeling (which is often inaccurate), actively ‘get’ perspective by asking direct questions. Collecting information from outside your own head, ideally by asking them directly, leads to much more accurate understanding of their thoughts and how your actions affect them.
Proactively test your influence in positive domains by asking for things or giving compliments, as you’ll often find that people are more receptive and less rejecting than you expect. This direct experience helps you realize the extent of your positive impact on others.
To overcome anxiety and loss of thought during public speaking, write down what you want to say and don’t be afraid to read it. This helps ensure you can articulate your points clearly and effectively.
Avoid repeating instructions to children over and over, as they may tune out overly assertive communication. Instead, trust that they hear what you say, even if they don’t acknowledge it immediately, and the message may percolate and be acted upon later.