<p><em>New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers.</em></p> <p>---</p> <p>Actionable advice on working with one of the few socially acceptable vices.</p> <p><br /></p> <p>Whilst striving for perfection might seem logical on some level, it's not actually attainable. And the research shows it can lead to burnout, stress, anxiety, depression, relationship problems, reduced productivity, and reduced resilience.</p> <p><br /></p> <p>Thomas Curran is a professor in the Department of Psychological and Behavioral Science at the London School of Economics and is the author of <a href="https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-perfection-trap-embracing-the-power-of-good-enough-thomas-curran/20712570?ean=9781982149543" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><em>The Perfection Trap: Embracing the Power of Good Enough</em></a><em>.</em> </p> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>In this episode we talk about:</strong></p> <p><br /></p> <ul> <li>The definition of perfectionism – it's more than just high standards</li> <li>The 3 flavors of perfectionism</li> <li>The surprising findings on perfectionism and gender </li> <li>Perfectionism VS imposter syndrome </li> <li>The root of perfectionism </li> <li>The variables that lead to perfectionism </li> <li>Thomas' critiques on capitalism and growth mindset</li> <li>How to actually implement mantras like "progress not perfection" and "embracing good enough"</li> <li>4 elements to combat imperfectionism </li> <li>The recipe for achieving inner abundance</li> <li>How to make good work without caring what other people think of you?</li> <li>And parenting and perfectionism </li> </ul> <p><br /></p> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>Related Episodes:</strong></p> <ul> <li><a href="https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/valerie-young-574" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Do You Feel Like an Imposter? | Dr. Valerie Young (Co-Interviewed by Dan's Wife, Bianca!) </a></li> <li><a href="https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/sonya-renee-taylor-369" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">How To End The War With Your Body | Sonya Renee Taylor.</a></li> <li><a href="https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/amy-edmondson-2023" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">The Science of Failing Well | Amy Edmondson</a></li> <li><a href="https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/mark-epstein-10th" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Dr. Mark Epstein On: How To Transform Your Neuroses Into "Little Shmoos"</a></li> <li><a href="https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/mark-epstein-412" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">The Zen of Therapy | Mark Epstein </a></li> <li><a href="https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/mark-epstein-247" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Weird Dreams, Family Relationships, and Collective Trauma I Dr. Mark Epstein</a></li> </ul> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>Sign up for Dan's weekly newsletter</strong> <a href="https://bit.ly/3QtGRqJ" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>here</strong></a></p> <p><strong>Follow Dan on social:</strong> <a href="https://bit.ly/3tGigG5" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Instagram</strong></a><strong>,</strong> <a href="https://bit.ly/3FOA84J" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>TikTok</strong></a></p> <p><strong>Ten Percent Happier online</strong> <a href="https://bit.ly/46TZglY" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>bookstore</strong></a></p> <p><strong>Subscribe to our</strong> <a href="https://bit.ly/3FybRzD" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>YouTube Channel</strong></a></p> <p><strong>Our favorite playlists on:</strong> <a href="https://spoti.fi/3Qa8kMT" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Anxiety</strong></a><strong>,</strong> <a href="https://spoti.fi/3MjtMxF" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Sleep</strong></a><strong>,</strong> <a href="https://spoti.fi/3QvyA5J" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Relationships</strong></a><strong>,</strong> <a href="https://spoti.fi/3QxZASc" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Most Popular Episodes</strong></a></p> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>Full Shownotes:</strong> <a href="https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/thomas-curran" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/thomas-curran</a></p> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>Additional Resources:</strong></p> <ul> <li>Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: <a href="https://10percenthappier.app.link/install" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://10percenthappier.app.link/install</a></li> </ul> <p><br /></p>
Actionable Insights
1. Embrace Vulnerability
Willingly open yourself to criticism, potential failure, or doing something badly, as this helps you understand that perfectionism is merely a prop for self-esteem and builds connection with others. Actively seek out challenging situations, like public speaking or leading a project, to get comfortable with discomfort.
2. Practice Self-Compassion
When you encounter setbacks or make mistakes, allow the discomfort in without pushing it away, and treat yourself with kindness. Remind yourself that everyone is fallible and makes mistakes, which helps you move forward without harsh self-criticism.
3. Cultivate Mindfulness
Engage in practices like meditation and mindfulness to observe perfectionistic tendencies without being owned by them. This helps you recognize when you are slipping up and allows for self-compassion without self-judgment.
4. Practice Letting Go
Consistently practice putting things out into the world, even if they are not perfect, and be brave enough to show up. This teaches you that the consequences of negative feedback are rarely catastrophic and that progress, not perfection, is what truly matters.
5. Radically Accept Circumstances
Accept your current situation and circumstances, recognizing that there are limits to what you can control. This helps prevent resentment and a victimhood mentality, even while you may still agitate for change.
6. Understand Societal Perfectionism
Recognize that feelings of insufficiency and the pressure to be perfect are often structurally embedded in society, not just personal failings. This awareness can remove a significant weight of shame and provide a broader context for your struggles.
7. Reframe Work as Vocation
Approach your work as a vocation, focusing on creating things for others to use and appreciate, rather than as a personal crusade to sustain self-esteem. This shift allows you to enjoy and savor what you produce, rather than constantly striving for external validation.
8. Separate Standards from Insecurity
Maintain high standards and a desire for excellence without fusing them with insecurity about how you appear to others. Focus on passion, purpose, and inner meaning to drive your efforts, rather than the need for external approval.
9. Question Extreme Growth Mindset
Be mindful that an unchecked growth mindset can prevent you from ever feeling ’enough’ or experiencing inner abundance. Allow yourself to acknowledge and enjoy successes and proficiency, rather than constantly seeking the next improvement.
10. Foster Psychological Safety
In leadership roles, create an inclusive environment where mistakes and slip-ups are normalized and openly discussed. Lead by example by talking about your own errors to build a culture where people feel safe to admit failures and communicate openly.
11. Normalize Failure for Children
As a parent, lead by example by discussing your own bad days or mistakes at work around the dinner table, normalizing them and showing that failure is human, not humiliating. This teaches children that it’s okay to not be perfect.
12. Offer Consistent Love & Approval
Provide consistent love and approval to your children, celebrating their achievements with enthusiasm and treating their setbacks with the same warmth and understanding. Avoid subtly qualifying your approval based on their performance, as this can instill a need for perfection to feel valued.
13. Expect Excellence and Mistakes
Communicate to your team or children that you expect both excellence and mistakes, recognizing that both are part of the process. This helps ensure that striving for high quality does not become an all-consuming quest that prevents acknowledging wins or learning from errors.
Use social media to cement offline relationships, build communities, and share interests, rather than solely for impression management or seeking external validation. Educate yourself and others on using these platforms for positive connection and engagement.