Recognize that the quality of your relationships fundamentally determines the quality of your life, making friendship an urgent psychological and physiological issue.
Understand that the number and quality of your close friendships are the best predictors of your psychological and physical health and longevity, outweighing factors like diet or exercise.
Cultivate a core group of about five ‘shoulders to cry on’ friends, as these intense relationships are crucial for support when your world falls apart.
Regularly engage with friends, ideally face-to-face, to prevent emotional quality from decaying and relationships from drifting into acquaintance status over time.
If a very close friend moves away, consider finding a new local ‘shoulder to cry on’ friend who can offer physical presence and support when needed, as digital contact cannot fully replace this.
If you have fewer friends, engage in about three voluntary activities (e.g., helping at church, hobby groups) to embed yourself in a social environment, which helps prevent depression.
To make new friends, actively join hobby clubs, church/temple communities, or volunteer groups, as these provide ready-made social environments and regular opportunities to meet people.
Be prepared to invest significant time, approximately 200 hours of face-to-face interaction over several months, to transform a stranger into a reasonably good friend.
Engage in activities like laughter, singing, dancing, feasting, drinking alcohol, and telling emotional stories, as these trigger endorphin release and underpin social bonding.
Utilize community singing as a powerful ‘icebreaker effect’ to quickly bond with strangers, as it can make them feel like they’ve known each other for life.
Participate in activities like singing, laughing, or physical exercise in a group rather than alone, as this dramatically ramps up the endorphin effect, leading to greater relaxation and contentment.
Engage in quiet contemplation (e.g., yoga, controlled breathing) or physical activity (e.g., jogging) to trigger an endorphin surge, providing feelings of relaxation, calmness, and peace.
Do not stay in social isolation for too long, as loneliness can eventually lead to serious psychological and physical consequences, particularly for the elderly.
Recognize whether you are an introvert (preferring fewer, more robust friendships) or an extrovert (preferring more, casual friendships) to optimize your social strategy, as both are equally valid approaches.
Recognize Dunbar’s number of approximately 150 meaningful relationships you can maintain at any time, which helps manage expectations for your social network.
Be aware that if you invest heavily in a new relationship (e.g., a romantic partner), it may cause existing friends to shift to outer layers of your social circle due to limited time and attention.
Use digital media (cell phones, social media) to maintain contact with distant friends, understanding that while it substitutes well for face-to-face contact, it may not be as satisfying.
See friends at an optimum frequency specific to the emotional quality of your relationship, being careful not to overdo it or tread on their existing commitments.
Understand gossip (in its original sense) as a declaration of commitment and a way to maintain relationships by spending time hanging out and conversing with friends.
Avoid using gossip maliciously or for negative propaganda, as it destroys trust, leads to ostracization, and is ultimately a short-term, destructive strategy for the community.
Utilize language and conversation most effectively when establishing new relationships, as it becomes less necessary in deeply bonded, long-term partnerships where understanding is often implicit.