Make a huge effort to jumpstart old friendships and create new ones, as the quality of your relationships profoundly determines the quality of your life, making it a truly urgent issue.
Recognize that the quality and number of your close friendships are the best predictors of your psychological and physical health, including longevity, often outweighing other health factors.
Nurture your innermost circle of typically five “shoulders to cry on” – those intense relationships with people who will drop everything to support you when your world falls apart.
If a very close friend moves away, consider finding a new “shoulder to cry on” who is physically accessible, as face-to-face interaction, including physical comfort, is vital for intimate friendships.
To maintain friendships, consistently engage with people, ideally face-to-face on a regular basis (e.g., once or twice a week), as lack of engagement will cause the emotional quality of the friendship to decay.
Keep seeing friends, but be mindful not to overdo it; find the optimum frequency of contact specific to the emotional closeness and layer of each relationship to keep it strong.
Be prepared to invest significant time, approximately 200 hours of face-to-face interaction over several months, to transform a stranger into a reasonably close friend.
To make new friends, especially after moving, join hobby clubs, singing groups, theater groups, or hiking groups, as these provide comfortable environments and regular opportunities to meet people.
Combat feelings of isolation or loneliness by volunteering, as it embeds you in a group of people and provides a ready-made social environment for forming connections.
If you lack 4-5 close friends, particularly as an older person, compensate by engaging in around three voluntary social activities (e.g., church, hobby groups) to embed yourself in a social environment and prevent depression, but avoid spreading yourself too thinly.
Engage in activities like laughter, singing, dancing, religious rituals, social eating, drinking alcohol, and telling emotional stories to trigger endorphin release and foster social bonding, with singing being particularly effective.
Recognize that family relationships are more robust and “cheaper” to maintain than friendships, allowing you to pick up where you left off even after long periods without daily investment.
Use social and digital media (cell phones, etc.) to maintain contact with friends, especially those who are geographically distant, as it can effectively substitute for some in-person interactions.
While temporary solitude can be a relief, avoid staying in isolation for too long, as prolonged loneliness can lead to serious psychological and physical consequences.
Understand that introverts thrive with fewer, deeply invested friendships, while extroverts prefer more, less intensely maintained connections; tailor your approach to friendships based on your personality type.
Refrain from using negative or malicious gossip, as it erodes trust and can lead to ostracization, thereby undermining the foundation of friendships and community.
Engage in casual conversation or “gossip” (in its original, positive sense of hanging out) as a declaration of commitment and a foundational activity for maintaining relationships.
Recognize that extensive conversation is crucial for building new relationships, but becomes less necessary as relationships mature and trust deepens, allowing for comfortable silence.