Cultivate a wide range of coping strategies for strong emotions, as no single approach will be effective in every situation. This allows for flexibility and appropriate responses to different moments.
When supporting someone grieving, acknowledge your lack of words, express a desire to understand, and commit to long-term presence. Offer practical help like running errands, and be willing to sit in quiet or engage in non-verbal activities, rather than trying to fix their feelings.
Shift your focus from trying to ‘fix’ or make a grieving person feel better, which often stems from your own discomfort, to simply being present with them. This approach fosters connection rather than making them feel more alone.
When faced with unanswerable ‘would’ve, should’ve, could’ve’ questions, recognize that seeking answers is not the solution. Instead, find ways to navigate around these thoughts to avoid being stuck in virtual realities and to engage with the present moment.
Acknowledge that pangs of grief can strike at any moment, even during daily activities, and actively plan how to move in and out of these moments to continue restoring the life you want to live. This involves conscious management of emotional fluctuations.
Utilize progressive muscle relaxation, a concrete skill of clenching and relaxing muscle segments, to provide physical relaxation and a focal point for attention when grief feels overwhelming. This technique can be used anywhere to offer a moment’s break.
Engage in the practice of ‘accepting’ the present reality of loss without immediate emotional reaction, such as anger, protest, or regret. This ongoing practice provides support and moments to ‘set down’ the pain, changing how you perceive things.
Differentiate between ‘grief’ (the overwhelming feeling) and ‘grieving’ (the process of grief changing over time). This understanding helps recognize that grief never truly goes away but becomes more familiar and manageable, allowing you to learn how to find comfort.
Apply the understanding of impermanence not just to death, but to all aspects of life and relationships, recognizing that things are constantly changing. This perspective can help in navigating various losses and gains, fostering a more fluid understanding of reality.
Utilize meditation and Buddhist practices as a form of training for both large and small losses. These practices experientially expose you to the rapidity of change, potentially making future losses less surprising and helping you navigate them with greater ease.
Beyond temporary avoidance, learn and practice active coping strategies such as crying on a shoulder, journaling, praying, or going for a walk to manage strong emotions. These varied approaches contribute to mental health in different moments.
In specific situations, such as a child’s soccer game, it can be appropriate to temporarily put grief out of your mind and focus on the present activity. This is a valid coping mechanism for certain moments.
After experiencing profound loss, it takes significant courage to open yourself to loving again, despite the potential for future hurt. A mentally healthy life involves continuing to love living loved ones, even when new relationships may trigger memories of past grief.
If experiencing prolonged grief disorder, characterized by persistent high frequency and intensity of grief beyond a year after loss, seek psychotherapy. This is the best frontline treatment to help individuals return to a natural grieving trajectory.
Use the Serenity Prayer as a guide to discern when to accept unchangeable circumstances and when to courageously act to change what is possible. This wisdom helps in navigating the balance between struggle and acceptance during difficult times.
Seek comfort in understanding the scientific basis of how love changes the brain and how those connections persist even after loss. Knowing that you physically carry the imprint of loved ones can provide a sense of enduring connection.
Understand that the profound pain of grief, while debilitating, is also adaptive, teaching us about shared human suffering and fostering deep empathy and compassion for others experiencing loss. This realization can transform personal grief into connection.
Allow grief to be a profound teacher, revealing what truly matters in life and motivating you to live meaningfully and to ease the pain of others. This perspective can transform personal suffering into a drive for compassionate action.
In times of restricted physical gatherings, adapt traditional rituals like funerals (e.g., using virtual platforms) to honor the deep human desire to connect and care for those suffering. The intention to connect and support is key, and creative solutions can foster unique forms of intimacy and honesty.
Understand that grief can significantly impair concentration, attention, and memory due to intense background brain processing. Be patient with yourself or others experiencing these cognitive difficulties, recognizing they are a natural part of the brain’s effort to adapt to loss.
Avoid rigidly following the ‘stages of grief’ as a prescription, as grief is not a linear process and individual experiences vary greatly. Recognize that acceptance increases and yearning decreases over time, but not in a fixed order, and it’s okay not to experience all stages or in sequence.
Honor the deep human desire to connect and care for those suffering by translating intention into action. This commitment to reaching out and supporting others, even in challenging circumstances, often leads to finding effective ways to connect.
Engage in spiritual or meditative practices not to reduce the pain of loss, but to provide moments of understanding, accepting, and comfort where you can temporarily ‘set down’ the grief. This practice changes your perspective over time.
Recognize that the pain of yearning and separation is an evolutionary design to motivate connection and bring individuals back together. This understanding can reframe the experience of yearning as a natural, albeit painful, aspect of deep bonding.
For clinicians, it is important to learn about typical and acute grief to understand the full spectrum of human response to loss, especially now that prolonged grief disorder is part of the medical canon. This knowledge enables better identification and support for those who need it.