To feel more loved yourself, intentionally start by helping others feel loved, as this reciprocal dynamic encourages them to lift you up in return.
To truly feel loved, you must gradually lower your emotional walls and allow yourself to be known, as you cannot feel loved if others don’t know the real you.
Take the initiative to show genuine interest and curiosity in another person, as this is within your control and can start a positive cycle of connection and reciprocity.
To foster deeper connections, share a fuller version of yourself by starting small and gradually revealing more, always pacing your vulnerability based on the other person’s response.
Adopt a ’listening to learn’ mindset by genuinely wanting to understand the other person, as if preparing for a quiz, rather than just waiting for your turn to speak.
Demonstrate true listening and understanding by asking questions that show you comprehend what was said and take the conversation to a new, deeper level, potentially offering new insights.
Approach conversations with genuine enthusiasm and excitement to know more about the other person’s inner life and stories, as this authentic curiosity is powerful and compelling and cannot be faked.
Cultivate genuine happiness for others’ good fortune, a practice known as Mudita, by envisioning their happiness and sending phrases like ‘may your happiness increase,’ which can make you a more charismatic person.
When someone shares good news, respond with genuine enthusiasm and excitement, as this ‘doubles’ the happiness for both individuals and strengthens the connection.
Cultivate feelings of kindness, warmth, and bonding towards others, wishing them well and wanting their dreams to come true, as this mindset is fundamental to healthy relationships.
Engage in at least one act of kindness for others every day, as this practice is more happiness-inducing than self-care and can even boost your immune health.
Embrace the ‘multiplicity mindset’ by acknowledging that everyone, including yourself, has both desirable and less desirable parts, which allows for deeper connection and forgiveness.
Strive to be less judgmental of others by seeking charitable explanations or understanding the context behind perceived bad behaviors, recognizing everyone’s complex humanity.
Practice forgiveness for your own benefit, understanding that it means not condoning, excusing, or forgetting the wrongdoing, but rather releasing its hold on you.
Adapt your application of relationship mindsets, such as sharing, based on the context of the relationship (e.g., with kids, colleagues, or romantic partners) to ensure it’s healthy and appropriate.
Integrate the word ’love’ and an open-hearted mindset into your professional relationships, expressing warmth and care for colleagues, as it can make the workplace a better place.
Refrain from trying to impress others with accomplishments or positive qualities to gain love, as this creates a barrier rather than fostering genuine connection.
Recognize that building and maintaining relationships requires intentional effort to shift your mindset from yourself to others, but view it as a beautiful and rewarding kind of work.
Test the viability of your relationships by taking small, safe steps to apply these mindsets and observe how the other person responds, rather than plunging in deeply.
Assess the health of your relationships by evaluating the extent to which the five mindsets (sharing, listening to learn, radical curiosity, open-hearted, multiplicity) are embraced, and address any deficiencies.
When you feel unloved, express your needs using a hopeful framing, such as ‘I would feel more loved if you…’ rather than accusatory statements like ‘I don’t feel loved,’ to encourage a positive response.
If you are experiencing loneliness, volunteer your time to help others, as this reminds you of your own value and provides a successful intervention for loneliness.
Discard the belief that you will feel more loved ‘if only’ you were more successful, wealthy, famous, or beautiful, as these external factors are not the true solution to feeling loved.
Understand that while love languages are a useful heuristic, matching specific love languages is less important than the overall number of ways a partner expresses love, with more expressions generally leading to better relationship outcomes.
If you are feeling a significant lack of love in your life, a chatbot can temporarily fill that void by simulating interest and validation, but recognize it is an algorithm and not a genuine human connection.