In this episode, at this fraught moment in history, we're bringing on a leading scientist to help us tackle one of the most pernicious misconceptions that humans have ever fostered. The very roots of the word "happiness" reflect our assumption that happiness is something that happens to us, rather than something we can cultivate. "Hap" is the same root of words such "hapless," or "haphazard." It implies luck. But again, happiness is a skill that we can cultivate. Emiliana Simon-Thomas helps people learn this skill for themselves. Her online course - The Science of Happiness - has reached over half a million people worldwide. She's the science director of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley. And in this interview, we discuss how to make ourselves happier through generosity, which is literally part of our biology; how the pleasure of caring for others means we'll do it again. How empathy fatigue is real - and I debate with Emiliana about the meaning of selfishness. And, how we've got love wrong. Before we dive in, I want to flag that this is a conversation we recorded late last year, prior to the pandemic and recent racial justice protests in America, but the insights are as vital as ever. Where to find Emiliana Simon-Thomas online: Website: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/profile/emiliana_simon_thomas Course: https://www.edx.org/course/the-science-of-happiness-3 You can find meditations on compassion and much more on our app. Visit tenpercent.com to download the Ten Percent Happier app and kickstart your meditation practice. Visit tenpercent.com to sign up today. Other Resources Mentioned: Tania Singer - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tania_Singer Bill Harbaugh - https://harbaugh.uoregon.edu/ Darryl Cameron, compassion collapse - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Collapse_of_compassion Tonglen practice - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tonglen Love 2.0 by Barbara Fredrickson - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B008BM0LMG/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1 Additional Resources: Ten Percent Happier Live: https://tenpercent.com/live Coronavirus Sanity Guide: https://www.tenpercent.com/coronavirussanityguide Free App access for Frontline Workers: https://tenpercent.com/care Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/emiliana-simon-thomas-260
Actionable Insights
1. Cultivate Happiness as a Skill
Recognize that happiness is a skill you can actively cultivate for yourself, rather than something that merely happens to you, empowering you to improve your well-being.
2. Practice Self-Compassion
Apply the same concern for suffering to your own life circumstances, honoring your deservingness to not suffer and replacing self-critical thoughts with a supportive inner voice.
3. Train Compassion with Tonglen
Engage in the Tibetan meditation practice of Tonglen by visualizing breathing in suffering and transforming it into love and support on the out-breath, which strengthens your motivation and intention to help others.
4. Regulate Emotional Distress
Cultivate mindfulness to become more aware of your mind’s reactions to suffering and intelligently understand what goes on in your body, allowing you to differentiate your own emotions from those you mirror from others and respond constructively.
5. Reframe Compassion’s Purpose
Shift your expectation from needing to ‘fix’ suffering to simply being present and offering support, as compassion is not solely about solving problems but also about caring and nurturing.
6. Embrace Generosity for Happiness
Engage in generous and caring behaviors, as they are intrinsically reinforcing, pleasurable, and biologically wired to make you feel good, motivating you to repeat these actions.
7. Build Quality Social Connections
Prioritize forming meaningful social bonds, as humans are an ultra-social species, and being together makes the world an easier and happier place to navigate.
Regularly engage in small, simple acts of kindness, such as holding a door or offering specific thanks, as these practices significantly increase happiness, especially for introverts or those with social anxiety.
9. Avoid Excessive Self-Focus
Challenge the habit of constantly thinking about yourself, as this often leads to unhappiness; instead, orient your focus towards others.
10. Differentiate Compassion from Pity
Understand that compassion involves genuine concern for suffering without judgment of inferiority or deservingness, unlike pity, which often carries a sense of superiority.
11. Recognize Compassion as Strength
View compassion as an act of courage and strength, not weakness, because it requires putting yourself out there as an agent of support, which can be harder than walking away.
12. Balance Compassion with Discernment
Practice compassion with discernment, meaning you can feel for someone’s suffering and address its causes without endorsing their malevolent actions or putting yourself at risk.
13. Use Comforting Touch
Offer comforting touch in pro-social ways to support others, recognizing its potential benefits in a culture that is often touch-deprived.
14. Leverage Online Learning Resources
Utilize websites like greatergood.berkeley.edu and ggia.berkeley.edu for daily articles and research-backed practices in mindfulness, gratitude, compassion, and connection, or enroll in ‘The Science of Happiness’ course on edx.org for deeper learning.
15. Utilize Meditation Apps
Explore guided meditations on cultivating compassion and other well-being topics available on apps like the 10% Happier app to deepen your practice.