Understand that while automatic emotional reactions are uncontrollable, you can control the trajectory of those responses once activated. This belief is crucial for motivating efforts to manage your emotions effectively.
Shift your mindset to view negative emotions (like anger, sadness, anxiety, pain) as functional tools that help you navigate the world, rather than states to avoid at all costs. They are beneficial when experienced in the right proportions.
Discard the unrealistic and detrimental belief that you should only experience positive emotions. This mindset devalues the functional benefits of so-called negative emotions.
Actively test different emotion regulation tools to discover which ones work best for you in various situations. Embrace the idea that there are no one-size-fits-all solutions for managing emotions.
Alter your inner dialogue by speaking to yourself with grace and compassion, similar to how you would speak to someone you care about. This helps reroute difficult emotions and provides self-support.
Use a disciplined, coaching-style inner voice (e.g., ‘You got this,’ ‘Get your act together’) to motivate yourself. This is a form of compassionate self-talk that can be very effective.
When overwhelmed by a negative emotion, ask yourself how you will feel about the situation tomorrow, next week, or next year. This activates the understanding that the experience is impermanent and will eventually subside.
Broaden your perspective by recalling past instances where you successfully navigated similar challenging situations. This reminds you of your resilience and ability to overcome difficulties.
Gain perspective by reflecting on the challenging experiences of others (e.g., historical figures, family members) and how they persevered. This can put your current struggles into a broader context.
Leverage music as a powerful sensory shifter by intentionally choosing songs that align with your desired emotional state. Use it to amp up, calm down, or shift your mood.
Seek out or offer acceptable and desired affectionate touch (e.g., hugs, back rubs) to activate positive emotions and provide soothing comfort. Touch is the first sense to develop and a potent emotional activator.
Intentionally look at pleasant things in your environment, such as artwork or nature, to soothe your emotions and shift your focus. These visual cues can have a calming effect.
Take walks in safe, green settings to leverage nature’s multi-sensory benefits, including pleasant smells and soothing sounds. Nature acts as a very powerful regulatory tool for emotions.
Recognize that there is a time and place for temporary avoidance of emotional triggers, allowing time to pass to lessen the intensity of a reaction. This can be particularly helpful when you are highly activated.
Deliberately eliminate cues from your surroundings that elicit unwanted emotional responses, such as putting your phone out of sight or removing tempting foods. This prevents automatic emotional reactions.
Practice the art of flexibly shifting between mindfully engaging with difficult emotions and strategically avoiding them when your system is overwhelmed. Return to engagement when you feel more ready to process.
Intentionally arrange your living and working environments with items that evoke positive emotions, such as photos of loved ones or plants. These elements can passively influence your emotional state in a desired direction.
Identify and deliberately visit physical locations (e.g., a favorite park, coffee shop, or your home) that provide a sense of safety, security, and restorative emotional qualities. These ‘oases’ can impact your emotional temperature.
Identify the people you typically turn to when struggling with emotions and evaluate if they effectively help you process and shift your perspective. This helps you build a strong support network.
Engage in conversations with people who not only listen empathetically but also, at an appropriate point, help you broaden your perspective on the problem. This prevents co-rumination and promotes problem-solving.
Use your knowledge of emotional shifters (e.g., music, attention steering) to help others in your life manage their moods. This could involve playing specific music to lift someone out of a funk.
Reflect on the cultural groups you belong to (home, work, religion, friends) and assess whether their shared beliefs, values, and practices support your emotional regulatory goals. Culture is the ‘air we breathe’ and profoundly impacts us.
If in a leadership position within a smaller group (e.g., family, team), consciously tweak the culture by emphasizing beliefs, values, norms, and practices that foster desired emotional directions. This can create a more supportive emotional environment.
If you are part of a culture that negatively impacts your emotional life and you lack the agency to change it, consider leaving that group. Sometimes, removing yourself is the appropriate action for your well-being.
If fluent in a second language, consider thinking about emotional problems in that language. Research shows this can strip away some of the emotional intensity and lead to more rational decision-making.