<p><em>New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers.</em></p> <p><em>---</em></p> <p><a href="https://www.benjaminjperry.com/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Reverend Benjamin Perry</a>, is the author of <a href="https://www.broadleafbooks.com/store/product/9781506485119/Cry-Baby" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><em>Cry, Baby: Why Our Tears Matter</em></a>. He's the editorial director at Garrett Seminary, Consulting Minister for Public Theology at Middle Church, and editor of the Queer Faith photojournalism series. He has a masters in divinity from Union Theological Seminary. </p> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>In this episode we talk about:</strong></p> <ul> <li>Why Doty got interested in this subject, and the rather extraordinary exercise he put himself through</li> <li>The gender differences on this issue</li> <li>How vulnerability can be misused or weaponized</li> <li>The issue of interpersonal relationships when it comes to tears (Bianca and Dan delve into this in regards to their relationship)</li> <li>How we replay childhood patterns in grownup relationships</li> <li>The deep connection between crying and shame</li> <li>The messages we share with our children about crying</li> <li>How we can reconnect to the emotional parts of ourselves</li> </ul> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>Related Episodes:</strong></p> <ul> <li><a href="https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/daniel-ellenberg-361" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#361 Why Men Armor Up | Daniel Ellenberg</a></li> <li><a href="https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/aaron-flores-441" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#441. A Thing Most Men Won't Talk About</a></li> <li><a href="https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/brene-brown-repost" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Vulnerability: The Key to Courage | Brene Brown</a></li> <li><a href="https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/elaine-lin-hering" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">The Science Of Speaking Up For Yourself | Elaine Lin Hering (Co-interviewed by Dan's wife Bianca!)</a></li> </ul> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>Sign up for Dan's weekly newsletter</strong> <a href="https://bit.ly/3QtGRqJ" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>here</strong></a></p> <p><strong>Follow Dan on social:</strong> <a href="https://bit.ly/3tGigG5" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Instagram</strong></a><strong>,</strong> <a href="https://bit.ly/3FOA84J" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>TikTok</strong></a></p> <p><strong>Ten Percent Happier online</strong> <a href="https://bit.ly/46TZglY" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>bookstore</strong></a></p> <p><strong>Subscribe to our</strong> <a href="https://bit.ly/3FybRzD" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>YouTube Channel</strong></a></p> <p><strong>Our favorite playlists on:</strong> <a href="https://spoti.fi/3Qa8kMT" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Anxiety</strong></a><strong>,</strong> <a href="https://spoti.fi/3MjtMxF" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Sleep</strong></a><strong>,</strong> <a href="https://spoti.fi/3QvyA5J" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Relationships</strong></a><strong>,</strong> <a href="https://spoti.fi/3QxZASc" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Most Popular Episodes</strong></a></p> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>Full Shownotes:</strong> <a href="https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/benjamin-perry" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/benjamin-perry</a></p> <p><br /></p>
Actionable Insights
1. Focus on Deepening Feelings
If you want to cry more, shift your focus from forcing tears to deepening your overall capacity to feel emotions, as crying naturally emerges from a richer emotional life.
2. Gradual Emotional Reconnection
For those who struggle with crying or big emotions, practice “feeling a little something” each day, holding and exploring it deeply, similar to starting a meditation practice, to gradually reconnect with your emotional self.
3. Investigate Crying’s True Source
When you find yourself crying, pause and curiously examine the underlying reasons, as the immediate trigger may not be the true source of your deep feelings.
Actively work to shed any shame associated with crying or not crying, recognizing that this shame is unhelpful, often externally imposed, and a barrier to emotional well-being.
5. Offer Sustained Presence to Criers
When supporting someone who is crying, instead of rubbing their back (which can signal discomfort), simply hold your hand on their back to communicate unwavering presence and allow them to fully process their emotions.
6. Respond to Tears with Empathy
When someone cries in response to your words or actions, pause and acknowledge that they are feeling deeply, choosing empathy and support over dismissing their emotions as histrionic.
7. Consistently Validate Children’s Crying
As a parent, repeatedly create a safe and accepting environment for your child to express all their feelings, consistently affirming that crying is a healthy and valid part of being human.
8. Frequent Crying for Self-Discovery
Engage in crying with more frequency to help “peel back” the layers of your emotions, leading to a deeper understanding of what you are truly feeling.
9. Intentional Daily Crying Practice
If you’re experiencing emotional numbness and struggle to cry, consider a daily practice of intentionally making yourself cry for an extended period (e.g., several months) to lower your emotional baseline and increase tenderness.