Hold your imperfect, vulnerable humanity in a compassionate embrace, making kindness your first response when things go wrong. This acceptance fosters genuine transformation and shifts your focus from the ‘mess’ to the ’love holding the mess’.
Alleviate suffering by balancing tender self-compassion (acceptance of flaws and imperfections) with fierce self-compassion (taking protective action, setting boundaries, providing for needs, and motivating change). Continuously ask ‘what do I need right now?’ to determine which approach is required for your well-being.
To determine and meet your needs, first mindfully identify what truly makes you feel unsatisfied or unfulfilled. Then, use common humanity to balance your needs with others’ valid needs, and finally, commit to meeting your needs as an act of self-kindness.
Recognize that self-criticism is an evolutionary ‘fight, flight, or freeze’ response turned inward. Consciously shift from this default self-attack to your natural ‘care system’ by offering yourself the same support and understanding you would a friend, thereby building new, healthier habits.
Use self-compassion to improve performance by motivating yourself with encouragement rather than self-criticism, which reduces performance anxiety and helps you learn from setbacks. This allows you to maintain high standards and achieve goals because you care, not out of fear of unworthiness.
To cultivate self-compassion, reflect on how you would treat a good friend or colleague experiencing burnout, then consciously apply that same kindness, understanding, and supportive language to yourself. This ‘U-turn’ leverages your natural capacity for compassion towards others to activate self-compassion.
Address perfectionism by decoupling your self-worth from achieving perfect results. Maintain high standards because you care and want to express yourself fully, not out of fear of not being good enough, recognizing that your worth is unconditional and mistakes are opportunities for growth.
To release the need for perfection, identify the underlying fears and shame associated with failure or falling short of goals. Then, offer yourself compassion for these fears, reminding yourself that your worth is inherent as an imperfect human, and mistakes are natural learning opportunities.
When setting boundaries with a demanding boss, first acknowledge your own needs and the reality of the situation. Then, communicate compassionately by validating your boss’s perspective or needs before clearly asserting your own, and be prepared to prioritize tasks or seek new opportunities if the situation remains unworkable.
If intense self-compassion practices feel overwhelming (e.g., due to trauma or grief), prioritize ‘behavioral self-compassion’ by consciously choosing actions that make you happier, more comfortable, and resourced, such as connecting with friends or engaging in soothing activities. This is a safe and effective way to integrate self-compassion into daily life.
When practicing self-compassion, be aware of ‘backdraft,’ where underlying pain or past trauma may surface as love and compassion enter. Recognize this as a natural and intrinsic part of the healing process, allowing you to mindfully meet this pain with understanding and compassion for transformation.
To consistently practice self-compassion, use physical reminders (e.g., sticky notes) and, more importantly, identify the specific source of your burnout. Then, apply a relevant self-compassion tool, as practices that address your actual problems are more likely to be remembered and effective.
Apply self-compassion to burnout by mindfully accepting your stress without judgment, recognizing burnout as a common human experience to combat isolation, and practicing self-kindness through both tender self-care (e.g., sleep, lunch) and fierce boundary-setting.
Practice self-compassion by treating yourself with kindness and warmth, being mindful of your struggles with perspective, and recognizing your experience as part of common humanity. This helps alleviate suffering by fostering support, awareness, and connection.
Self-assess for burnout by checking for exhaustion (low energy, uphill battles), depersonalization (numbness, detachment from work/people/life), and reduced accomplishment (self-blame, feeling incompetent). These are the three main symptoms to identify.
Assess your self-compassion in the context of stress by reflecting on how you typically respond to difficulties: do you tend to be kind or judgmental, feel alone or connected, and maintain balance or exaggerate problems? This helps you understand your baseline self-compassion for burnout.
Cultivating self-compassion enhances your capacity for compassion towards others by preventing burnout and resourcing yourself. This allows you to sustain and even grow your ability to care for others without becoming depleted.
To sustain your self-compassion practice, connect with a community of like-minded individuals who share similar goals. Surrounding yourself with others committed to self-compassion provides reminders and shared support, making it easier to integrate the practice into your life.
When practicing self-compassion, make it more tangible by imagining a friend in your exact situation of suffering (e.g., caring for elderly parents, job, kids) and then offering yourself the specific understanding and support you would offer them.