Aim for “happierness” (a comparative state of more positive emotions than negative) rather than an ultimate, unattainable state of “happiness” that would involve obliterating necessary negative emotions.
Break down the pursuit of happiness into three “macronutrients” – enjoyment, satisfaction, and purpose – and develop specific strategies for each, allowing for a targeted approach to getting happier.
Recognize that feelings are evidence of happiness, not happiness itself; practice managing your feelings through methods like meditation so they don’t control you.
For stable and lasting satisfaction, focus on wanting less rather than constantly striving to have more, as this counters the brain’s natural habituation to rewards.
View your life as a sculpture, and instead of adding more, chip away distractions, obsessions, and toxic pursuits to reveal your true self and core values.
Make a “reverse bucket list” of worldly desires (money, power, pleasure, fame) and consciously cross them out, reducing attachment and subconscious chasing.
To find life’s meaning and direction, actively seek answers to “Why are you alive?” and “For what would you be willing to die today?”
Do not avoid suffering, as it is a sacred and necessary component for finding your sense of meaning and, consequently, actual happiness.
Develop metacognition – the awareness of your thinking and emotions – to create space between automatic emotional responses and conscious processing, enabling you to manage emotions.
Consciously choose to substitute an appropriate emotion for one you are feeling (e.g., humor for sadness, gratitude for resentment), which requires metacognitive space.
Combat envy by disregarding unearned status and, for earned success, shift from envying what they have to admiring who they are and their achievements.
Prioritize your own happiness and well-being, not selfishly, but because a miserable person cannot effectively help others or make the world better.
Engage in doing good and working on causes you care about, but do so with joy and love rather than misery or hatred, as this is more effective and increases happiness.
Focus on building the life you want right now rather than waiting for external circumstances to change, as this is a key to happiness.
To get happier, dedicate yourself to living in a different way and acquire knowledge about the science of happiness.
Instead of trying to get rid of negative emotions, learn to manage them, grow from them, and understand them as essential for survival and personal development.
Do not mistake enjoyment for pleasure or make the pursuit of pure pleasure your life’s goal, as this can be a “life-ruining goal” according to neuroscience.
To turn fleeting pleasure into authentic and enduring enjoyment, add human connection (people/relationships) and memory to the experience.
If an activity brings pleasure and has addictive potential, avoid doing it alone; instead, integrate people and memory to transform it into enjoyment.
Understand that true satisfaction comes from the joy and reward experienced after struggling, striving, sacrificing, and even enduring pain for something.
Engage in Vipassana meditation to gain metacognitive awareness of your impulses and attachments, which is 80% of the way to not being controlled by them.
Cultivate awareness of your inherent “noxious tendencies” (e.g., desire for prestige, calories, mates) as this consciousness is 80% of the way to not being controlled by them.
Identify your primary “idol” among money, power, pleasure, or fame, as this self-knowledge helps you understand and manage your “noxious tendencies.”
For parents, resist protecting children from “normal pathogens of social life” and allow them to experience struggle and pain, as these are crucial for growth and finding meaning.
Actively cultivate a sense of your life’s meaning, as lacking it leads to rootlessness, discouragement, and an inability to be truly happy.
Correct the error of categorizing emotions as “good” or “bad”; instead, understand that all emotions (negative and positive) are simply information from your brain.
Practice creating a time delay between your limbic system’s emotional response and your prefrontal cortex’s processing, allowing for conscious emotional self-management.
Opt for compassion instead of “sheer empathy,” especially in parenting, as compassion allows effective action in another’s best interest without paralysis from their pain.
When facing pessimism, cultivate hope as an act of agency, which provides a strategic outlook that something can be done and empowers you to take action.
Practice journaling to enhance metacognition, as the act of writing forces you to process emotions in your prefrontal cortex, fostering awareness and management.
For parents, cultivate compassion (e.g., through prayer) to replace sheer empathy, enabling difficult decisions truly in your children’s long-term interest.
Counter Mother Nature’s impulse to constantly focus on yourself (“me-self”) by consciously shifting to an “I-self” perspective, observing the world outwardly.
Experiment with reducing self-observation (e.g., removing mirrors, showering in the dark) to shift focus from the “me-self” to observing the world, which can be a “game changer” for happiness.
Practice non-judgmental observation by consciously avoiding “judging language” and self-referential complaints, which can lead to immediate calmness and greater happiness.
Delete social media apps from your phone if you have a tendency to check them too much, especially when releasing a book or during periods when you want to avoid external validation.
Refrain from reading reviews of your work or personal criticisms, as this can be intensely uncomfortable and counterproductive to your well-being.
Periodically declare a moratorium on using judgment-based language, especially complaining, as this practice can lead to immediate calmness.
Consciously choose a “divine path” of mindful understanding and resistance to Mother Nature’s blind impulses (like envy) rather than blindly following the “animal path.”
When you feel envy towards someone who has earned their success, express your admiration to them publicly and specifically, which “changes your soul” and is good for your career.
Create lists of people and things you admire, and then find ways to express that admiration publicly, as this practice can release envy and foster inner freedom.
Apply the “oxygen mask” principle: work on your own well-being and happiness first so that you are in a capable state to effectively help others.
Strive to become happier, as it is the best gift you can give to your spouse, improving the relationship.
Approach your values and social causes as “gifts” to share with love, and listen to those who disagree to understand their differing viewpoints, fostering more effective and happier engagement.
Refrain from hatred and contempt towards others, especially those with differing views, as these emotions ultimately harm yourself the most.