Focus on the quality and structure of your social network, rather than just the number of people you know, as these factors are more critical for career success, well-being, and happiness.
Actively cultivate and maintain your social networks, especially after periods of isolation, because without intentionality, networks tend to shrink and their benefits diminish over time.
Recognize the extraordinary untapped value in your current network and actively reach out to reconnect with people you already know, as trust endures and these relationships offer new perspectives.
Strengthen social relationships by being fully present in conversations, avoiding distractions and the urge to fix or share ‘Me Too’ stories, allowing the other person 90 seconds to fully express themselves.
Overcome the ‘moral aversion’ to intentional networking by focusing on what you can give to others in a social interaction, rather than what you can get, which fosters genuine connection.
Overcome the awkwardness of reconnecting with old friends by realizing they would likely be delighted to hear from you; offer a gift, ask for help, or simply express that you were thinking of them.
Consider whether your network structure is primarily ‘convener’ (everyone knows each other), ‘broker’ (connecting disparate groups), or ’expansionist’ (very large network) to understand its properties and potential benefits.
Build a ‘convening’ network where friends know each other, fostering deep relationships, trust, and reciprocity, which is strongly associated with positive mental health and well-being.
Develop a ‘broker’ network by connecting different social circles, which promotes innovation, creativity through recombination of ideas, and a stronger work-life balance.
Intentionally shift between deep, convening-like connections and broader, brokerage-like expansions to gain the benefits of both strong social support and innovation/creativity.
Use laughter in conversations, as even short bursts are highly predictive of feeling connected and overall happiness, signaling a shared reality and mutual understanding.
Reach out to people and offer help, especially when feeling nervous or anxious, as assisting others is an effective way to get out of your own head and reduce self-focused fear.
Be genuinely open about how you are doing to create space for others to share their true feelings, as human beings are wired for reciprocity and will often meet your emotional cadence.
When someone is sharing a problem or anxiety, ask them directly if they want you to simply listen or if they are looking for advice, to ensure you provide the support they truly need.
Recognize that social intelligence and people skills are learned abilities that can be improved over time, rather than inherent traits, which can reduce social anxiety and open the door to learning.
Avoid making unfunny jokes to ease awkward moments, and be particularly cautious with self-deprecating humor, especially for women, as it can inadvertently undermine perceived competence.
Only ask deep questions or invite others to share profoundly if you have the emotional capacity to truly hold and process their answer, avoiding situations where you are unwilling to hear the truth.
Men should actively maintain social connections through conversation, rather than solely relying on shared activities, as the latter was disproportionately disrupted during the pandemic, leading to network shrinkage.
Strive to have an accurate understanding of your social network and its composition, as this awareness helps prevent relationships from fading due to an ‘out of sight, out of mind’ effect.
Reflect on what truly matters at the end of life, prioritizing ’eulogy values’ such as relationships and human connection over ‘resume values’ like work achievements, to guide your daily investments of time and energy.