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The Profound Upside of Self-Diminishment | George Saunders

Mar 22, 2021 1h 8m 34 insights
There is a powerful scene in a novel called Lincoln In the Bardo, where President Abraham Lincoln has come to the cemetery where his young son, Willie, is soon to be buried. Willie had passed away at the White House where he had gotten sick. Lincoln is so distraught that he goes to the graveyard to get one last glimpse at his boy's dead body. As the President is leaving, and in the grips of perhaps the worst psychic pain available to any human, he has an insight. His suffering, he realizes, comes from viewing his son as solid, when, in fact, they are both just "energy bursts" or "two passing temporarinesses."  There is a reason this insight will be familiar to anyone with a passing familiarity with Buddhism, and that is because the author, George Saunders, is a practicing Buddhist. Lincoln in the Bardo won the 2017 Man Booker Prize for best work of fiction in English. Saunders has written ten other books, including the newly released A Swim in a Pond in the Rain, which is about how to become a better reader and that can tell us about how to live. This was an enormously valuable conversation for me, both as a meditator and as an author (because he has many, deeply useful thoughts about the craft). We talk about many things here, including: the "unified theory of brain," how writing resembles meditation, his speculations about the afterlife, and a speech he gave on kindness that went viral.  Another order of business: In response to our ever-changing reality, we've done our best to use this podcast to help you figure out how to navigate our world. And as you know, the practice of meditation undergirds nearly all of the practical takeaways you hear us discuss on this podcast. Many of our podcast guests have also contributed to our companion meditation app, which is also called Ten Percent Happier. Our app helps you understand both how to practice meditation and how meditation can help you navigate our ever-changing world. We hope that you'll subscribe to our app to learn how to care for yourself and others during crises (which are, after all, inevitable).  To make it easier, we're offering 40% off the price of an annual subscription for our podcast listeners. We don't do discounts of this size all the time, and of course nothing is permanent—so get this deal before it ends on April 1st by going to https://www.tenpercent.com/march. And here's a link to Love & Resilience: The Contemplative Care Summit (March 25 - 29). And finally, be sure to check out The Science of Happiness podcast, available here and wherever you get your podcasts.  Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/george-saunders-332
Actionable Insights

1. Embrace Mind’s Malleability

Understand that the mind is not fixed and can be changed through practice, leading to a richer and more amazing life; commit to exploring these methods.

2. Cultivate Pause Between Thought and Action

Practice meditation to create a crucial ‘split second’ of time between an impulse or thought and your reaction, allowing you to choose a more skillful response.

3. Identify and Work with Mental Tendencies

Through practice, become aware of your mind’s preset qualities or negative tendencies, recognizing them as changeable ‘overlays’ rather than your true self, and actively work to modify them.

4. Disengage from Mental Habits

Realize that you are not defined by your mental habits and conditioning; instead, cultivate the ability to catch these patterns and consciously make different decisions.

5. Practice Self-Diminishment to Grow in Love

Actively work to diminish the volume of self-centered thinking, not through self-deprecation, but by understanding the self as a temporary construction, allowing an attitude of ‘how can I help’ and love to naturally emerge.

6. View Self and Others as Temporary

Recognize that suffering often arises from viewing self and others as solid and permanent; instead, perceive them as temporary energy bursts to reduce psychic pain.

7. Cultivate Positive Mind States

Recognize that a continuum of mind states exists, from dismal to luminous, and actively work towards spending more time in states of freedom, generosity, and wonder.

8. Begin Spiritual Practice Early and Fervently

Start spiritual practice, such as meditation, at a young age and with great fervor, as the ego is stubborn and early, intense effort leads to tremendous progress, despite the uphill battle.

9. Cultivate Awareness for Authentic Kindness

To practice true kindness, cultivate a high degree of awareness to gather actual data about another person’s needs, while also monitoring your own mind to avoid projecting a ‘savior complex’ or overriding what is truly needed.

10. Differentiate Kindness from Niceness

Understand that kindness is not merely bland agreeability or niceness; it is an alert, aware response that provides what is truly needed, even if it requires forceful intervention.

11. Respond to Internal Voices with Gentleness

When distracting or self-aggrandizing thoughts arise, respond with gentleness, humor, and acceptance rather than self-castigation, then redirect focus back to the task.

12. Deconstruct the Permanent Self

Recognize that the various internal voices, instincts, and feelings are temporary ‘brain farts’ rather than a permanent, central self, which can destabilize the illusion of a fixed identity.

13. Skillfully Leverage Personal Motivations

Instead of suppressing desires like praise or attention, skillfully use their energy in a functional way for creative work, extracting the negative aspects and retaining the positive drive to elevate your art.

14. Resist Autopilot, Juggle Life Acutely

Avoid the ‘autopilot’ tendency to make one-time life dedications; instead, recognize that life requires constant juggling of many things, and the quality of life depends on the acuity of this juggling.

15. Accept Imperfection and Stumbling

Let go of the pursuit of perfection and instead be okay with the messy, stumbling process of life, accepting that everything is happening at once.

16. Prioritize Meditation for Embodied Realization

If the goal is to embody spiritual insights rather than just understand them intellectually, prioritize meditation as it is a more powerful route than writing for this realization.

17. Integrate Writing into Spiritual Practice

View writing not just as a separate activity, but as an integral part of your overall spiritual practice, using its challenges and insights for personal growth.

18. Find Internal Corollaries for Others

To understand other people or characters, search for a corresponding part or experience within yourself, believing in your ability to summon that internal corollary to foster empathy.

19. Practice Increased Specificity and Attention

When encountering others, move beyond vague labels to seek increased specificity about their motivations and experiences, which is a form of heightened attention and can be equated with love.

20. Recognize Initial Judgments as First Drafts

When making instant judgments about others (e.g., in traffic), recognize these as ‘first drafts’ and remember that more information would likely reveal a different, more nuanced story, fostering a less judgmental attitude.

21. Use Writing to Lessen Rumination

Engage in writing as a high-attention mode, focusing on the text and intuitive reactions without internal narration or rational decision-making, which can quiet the ‘monkey mind’ and reduce rumination.

22. Engage in Daily Writing and Meditation

Practice writing for several hours daily and engage in meditation, as these activities can lead to a happier state of mind and neurological pleasure.

23. Distance Self from Negative Emotions

When experiencing frustration or self-loathing during creative work, recognize these feelings as temporary parts of the process rather than permanent realities, creating distance from the torment.

24. Cultivate Patience in Revision

Embrace a patient approach to rigorous revision, understanding that it’s a long process that will eventually lead to good results, making it part of the enjoyable challenge.

25. Work Consistently for Creative Inspiration

Understand that creative inspiration (’the muse’) visits those who are actively engaged in their work, so maintain consistent effort rather than waiting for inspiration to strike.

26. Embrace the Crappy First Draft

Accept and embrace the necessity of producing a ‘crappy first draft’ to get initial ideas down, understanding that true quality emerges through iterative revision rather than initial perfection.

27. Celebrate Bad Writing as Active Taste

When your own writing seems bad, view it as a positive sign that your critical taste and discernment are still active, rather than a cause for despair.

28. Allow Love to Emerge from Quiet Mind

Cultivate a quiet mind through practices like meditation, as this allows qualities like love and kindness to emerge naturally, like water filling a basket, without conscious effort.

29. Beware of Backdoor Ego in Self-Deprecation

Be aware that self-deprecation can be a subtle form of self-aggrandizement or ‘backdoor ego,’ reinforcing a sense of self-importance rather than genuinely diminishing it.

30. View Self-Diminishment as a Blessing

See the natural process of aging, making mistakes, and experiencing loss as a blessing, as it diminishes the illusion of being the center of the universe and not meant to go on forever.

31. Elevate Kindness in Intellectual Discourse

Actively incorporate kindness as a real and important intellectual concept in public discourse, recognizing its core role in human life and avoiding the dysfunction of its absence.

32. Respect Mystery, Avoid Programmatic Thinking

Approach art and life with a deep respect for mystery, avoiding the tendency to nail things down too tightly or be overly programmatic, allowing for freedom and openness.

33. Cultivate Open, Listening Mode for Understanding

When trying to understand complex or disturbing phenomena, resist the urge to form theories or make quick judgments; instead, cultivate an open, listening mode to absorb information and let it percolate without closing things off.

34. Employ Engaging, Even Angry Kindness

Recognize that true kindness may sometimes require an ’edge,’ such as protective or even angry kindness, especially when it involves standing up for principles or engaging in necessary confrontation, rather than avoiding conflict.