Understand that true societal transformation (‘outer change’) is dependent on individual inner transformation (‘interchange’). This perspective is crucial for effectively addressing social issues and bringing about meaningful change.
Work towards liberation by distinguishing between pure experience and the mind’s fabrications (thoughts, emotions, social constructs) about that experience. This frees you from being conflated with or tyrannized by these mental constructs.
Develop the ability to differentiate between raw experience and your subsequent reactions or responses to it. This distinction grants you choice in how you engage with life, acting from a place free from delusion.
Recognize and avoid dwelling in guilt, as it is a useless response that tightens against the direct feeling of suffering and makes the experience about oneself. Guilt prevents true compassion and direct experience of pain.
Allow yourself to directly feel the suffering of others without the mediation of guilt. This direct engagement with pain is the true source from which compassion arises.
Cultivate compassion, which involves feeling with pain and inherently includes a desire to be helpful. This leads to an ennobling and empowering state that deepens human connection.
Cultivate an expansive capacity to connect and feel love for others in simple, everyday interactions. This allows you to become a ‘walking embodiment of the principle of love’ and deepen your humanity.
Practice loving people in simple, transient interactions, such as at a grocery counter, without needing to form a lasting relationship. This helps you experience real connection and become an embodiment of love.
Actively tone your nervous system to be able to feel and experience love in the moment without needing to attach to or ’take anything with you’ from the interaction. This allows for a real, felt, vibrant, and alive connection.
Engage in consistent practice to create a positive feedback loop that gradually builds momentum towards ‘being love’ more frequently. This helps shift from habitual distractions to more abiding states of connection and love.
Consciously choose behaviors that genuinely ‘feel better’ (e.g., connecting with people) over habitual distractions (e.g., checking social media). The brain learns and optimizes for these more fulfilling actions over time, especially when fueled by formal practice.
Thread and weave meditation and mindfulness throughout your daily life, rather than confining it to formal sessions. This maintains a continuous practice and allows you to apply meditative insights to all experiences.
Engage in Tonglen meditation, also known as ‘sending and taking,’ which involves exchanging oneself for others. This practice cultivates acute awareness of others’ situations by taking on their suffering and sending positive energy.
In Tonglen practice, on the in-breath, visualize breathing in someone’s suffering; on the out-breath, visualize breathing out the wish for them to be free from that suffering. This specific technique fosters compassion and connection.
Send wishes for awakening and presence to those who seem to be on ‘autopilot’ or unaware. The aim is for them to become more present to what’s happening around them, without needing to experience personal devastation.
Be clear about your personal self-care needs (e.g., more walks, less screen time) and commit to fulfilling them. This creates more inner space and capacity, preventing frayed nerves and reducing reactivity in relationships.
Make a conscious effort to be kind to others, especially during stressful periods like a pandemic. Remember that everyone is experiencing different forms of strain, which aids in navigating interpersonal relationships.
Acknowledge your fundamental human yearning to ‘see and be seen’ and to have your needs met. Then, find words to communicate these needs effectively to others, rather than harboring unmet needs.
Ask directly for what you need (e.g., a massage) rather than feeling guilty or undeserving of it, or harboring unmet needs. This clarifies communication and prevents needs from festering.
Become comfortable with your own complexity, weirdness, and strangeness through self-acceptance. This self-acceptance allows you to be more accepting and capable of relating to the diverse nature of other people.
Commit to a consistent meditation practice, regardless of your initial motivation (e.g., anxiety, self-improvement). This consistency will ultimately guide you to your true nature of love and connection.
Use periods of ‘compulsory retreat’ (like a lockdown) to reflect on past habits and their collective impact on the environment and society. The goal is to lose the muscle memory of old ways and gain awareness.
Seek to connect with the fundamental truth of your life and unfolding experience, independent of specific spiritual traditions or belief systems. This involves meeting reality as it is.
Presence yourself fully to life as it is, without the expectation or imagination that your role is to fix every problem or situation you encounter. This helps avoid contraction and withdrawal.
Participate in the 10% Happier Live sessions every weekday at 3 PM Eastern/noon Pacific. This offers a quick sanity break and a five-minute guided meditation suitable for absolute beginners or seasoned pros.
If you are a teacher or know one, share the link 10percent.com/care. This provides free access to the 10% Happier meditation app for teachers, healthcare workers, grocery store workers, and food delivery personnel.