The Opposite of Schadenfreude | Election Sanity Series | Tuere Sala

There's an old expression: "Every time a friend succeeds, I die a little bit." I love that saying, because it speaks to how hard it can be to take pleasure in other people's happiness. That said, while it may be difficult, it is not impossible -- and moreover, as our guest today will argue, it's a massively useful skill, especially as we endure this bonkers election. Welcome to week three of our special Election Sanity podcast series. Every Monday in October, we're tackling a mental skill drawn from an ancient Buddhist list known as the Four Brahma Viharas, or the Four Heavenly Abodes. Don't be fooled by the high falutin' name; these skills are eminently achievable, and massively helpful. I can say this based on both personal experience, and also a significant amount of scientific research. In the previous two episodes, we explored loving-kindness (also known by the less gooey moniker of "friendliness"), and also compassion. This week it's "sympathetic joy," or "mudita." You can think of this skill as the opposite of Schadenfreude; instead of reveling in the suffering of other people, you're celebrating their happiness. Our guest today calls it "borrowing joy." Her name is Tuere Sala. She's a guiding teacher at Insight Seattle. She's no pollyanna; she doesn't sugarcoat how challenging mudita can be, but she does have a strategy that I think you will find appealingly doable. Where to find Tuere Sala online: Seattle Insight Meditation Society: https://seattleinsight.org/Teachers/Teacher/TeacherID/102 Just a reminder, our Free Election Sanity meditation challenge starts next week. We're super excited about this one—we've worked with our very wise meditation teachers from this Election Sanity podcast series to create a really unique set of daily lessons and meditations, all geared toward helping you keep your cool during the 2020 Election. If you'd like to join the Challenge, Download the Ten Percent Happier app today to start meditating your way through this Election season, and see you in the Challenge with thousands of other meditators. It starts on Tuesday, October 27th! Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/tuere-sala-292

Actionable Insights

1. Cultivate Sympathetic Joy

Actively practice sympathetic joy (Mudita), which is the opposite of schadenfreude, by celebrating others’ happiness rather than reveling in their suffering. This skill is massively useful, achievable, and helpful for navigating life’s challenges, reducing jealousy, increasing personal joy, and deepening relationships.

2. Systematically Borrow Others’ Joy

Adopt the practice of ‘borrowing joy’ by intentionally connecting with and feeling the happiness of others in their good fortune, rather than trying to be joyful for them. This systematic approach, like a ‘contact high,’ allows you to access joy beyond your own limited circumstances, making it an everyday experience.

3. Find Personal Doorways to Joy

Identify specific people, places, or circumstances that genuinely evoke joy in you, regardless of your current situation, and focus on borrowing joy from these sources. Avoid forcing joy in situations where you feel resentment or lack, as this will likely lead to misery rather than sympathetic joy.

When sharing positive experiences, focus on conveying how you feel about the good thing that happened to you, rather than just grandstanding about the event itself. This allows others to access your joy through Mudita, fostering connection and appreciation.

5. Acknowledge “What About Me?”

Recognize that the ‘what about me?’ or grasping mind is a normal, automatic human response to others’ good fortune. Do not get stuck in this impulse; instead, acknowledge it and then consciously seek the deeper capacity to feel the joy that the other person is experiencing.

6. Joy: Bridge for Meditation

Cultivate joy as a necessary bridge to achieve deeper states of peace, calm, and focus in meditation, especially when facing an anxious or averse mind. Joy enables you to let go of striving and relax into tranquility, preventing practice from becoming mundane or boring.

7. Generate Joy in Averse States

Develop the ability to generate joy from within your mind-heart system, even when meditating with an anxious, irritable, or worried mind. This internal joy, cultivated through practices like borrowing joy, allows you to stay with your practice and explore difficult states with interest and warmth, rather than being owned by them.

8. Balance Anger with Joy

When engaging in social action or facing injustice, balance the motivating energy of anger with joy to maintain steadiness and prevent burnout, bitterness, or cynicism. Cultivate joy and laughter, like civil rights activists singing to the rafters, to provide the inspiration and resilience needed to persist day after day.

9. Practice Metta with Difficult States

Apply loving-kindness (Metta) to difficult mind states like worry, treating them with friendliness and warmth. This approach allows you to stay with and understand the conditions of worry, contributing to a sense of ‘I got this’ and preventing difficult emotions from overwhelming your practice.

10. Recognize Joy’s Abundance

Understand that joy is abundant and always present in the world, as someone, somewhere, is always experiencing a joyous state. By learning to feel and connect with others’ joy, you can access this universal abundance and integrate it into your own experience.

11. Download 10% Happier App

Download the 10% Happier with Dan Harris app to access a library of guided meditations for stress, anxiety, sleep, focus, and self-compassion. The app also offers weekly live Zoom community sessions and ad-free podcast episodes, with a 14-day free trial available at danharris.com.