Engage in practices like meditation, cognitive work, therapy, and supportive friendships to develop self-compassion and become “friendly toward your ugliness” or things you’re ashamed of. This transforms self-treatment and behavior.
Spend a significant amount of time contemplating your mortality to reduce sleepwalking, foster appreciation for life, and live more vibrantly. This can be done in three steps: first, contemplate the vast scope of human history and the countless generations that have lived and died; second, mentally picture the people you know and acknowledge their impermanence; third, focus on yourself, acknowledging that your own body will die and decompose, and material achievements cannot be taken with you.
Reframe vulnerability from a demerit to a point of connectivity. Embracing vulnerability can make you a better manager and leader, providing more freedom in how you operate.
When caught in a loop of overthinking or “useless rumination,” ask yourself: “Is this useful?” This simple question can help you draw a line between constructive thought and unproductive anguish, allowing you to shift focus.
To manage overthinking and rumination, practice distinguishing between known facts and personal interpretations of events. This helps avoid getting lost in subjective thoughts and anxieties.
Focus on cultivating self-awareness about your own behaviors and their impact on others, and strive for clarity in your vision and intent. This shifts focus away from external validation and towards effective communication.
After interactions, shift your focus from whether you were liked to whether you were clear in your communication. If not, reflect on how to improve clarity next time.
When receiving tough criticism, especially substantive feedback, examine why it hurts and approach your “ugliness” or shame with warmth and charity. This helps quiet denial and allows positive qualities to emerge.
For men, actively grapple with and process emotions, as society often conditions men not to. This can improve personal lives and professional interactions, fostering better management and leadership.
Recognize and incorporate “female-coded” traits, such as being relational and communicative, into management or professional styles. These traits can be highly advantageous and lead to better outcomes.
If you’re not receiving concrete feedback in a session, actively ask your manager to help you find specific ways to improve your performance. This ensures you get actionable information for career growth.
When receiving subjective or stylistic feedback (e.g., “too assertive”), ask “Compared to who?” to prompt the reviewer to consider if the standard is applied evenly across genders or groups.
After receiving feedback on your style or behavior, ask your reviewer to explicitly link it to your work product and results. This helps you understand the concrete impact and identify areas for meaningful improvement.
When giving feedback, particularly to women, focus on concrete results and outcomes rather than stylistic elements or how they lead their team. This ensures feedback is objective and actionable.
Ensure that standards for behavior, such as kindness or assertiveness, are applied equally to all employees, regardless of gender. Address issues consistently across the team.
Be mindful and careful about the language used when talking about colleagues, as words can carry unintended consequences and reinforce biases.
Instead of generic compliments like “helpful,” use specific and concrete language to describe a person’s contributions (e.g., “Amy provided all the numbers for the report”). This avoids inadvertently relegating them to a “helper” role and clearly highlights their impact.
When giving references or feedback, provide balanced and specific details about a person’s strengths across various domains (e.g., “sweet” and “assertive”). Avoid vague or one-sided descriptions that can lead to negative inferences due to the “innuendo effect.”
Be aware of how language can create value judgments (e.g., “emotional” vs. “passionate”). Actively “flip the script” to reframe perceived negative traits into more neutral or positive ones, especially when discussing management styles.
To avoid misunderstandings and ensure project success, especially as a manager, practice overcommunication to ensure everyone is clear on expectations, importance, and timelines.
When making requests, take the time to explain the underlying reasons and potential consequences if the request isn’t met. This provides context and helps others understand the importance of the task.
For unconscious bias programs and initiatives to be effective, ensure there is sincere buy-in and commitment from top management, as their support is crucial for successful implementation and cultural change.
When leading meetings, actively ask everyone for their opinion to ensure all voices are heard and seen. This fosters psychological safety and a sense of belonging within the team.
If you tend to dominate discussions, have participants prepare and present materials in advance. This allows you to study up beforehand and create more space for open conversation and diverse input during the meeting.
When putting your work out into the world, focus on what value you can offer to others. This shifts attention from personal reception to the impact of your contribution.
When sharing personal struggles or vulnerabilities, do so thoughtfully and intentionally, perhaps by seeking feedback on how to present it. This “proper vulnerability” can be constructive and empowering.
Evaluate what you gain from social media platforms and consider removing them from your phone or limiting how often you check mentions. This helps manage the constant feedback loop if you’re not built to handle it.
Recognize that not all feedback needs to be fully accepted or acted upon. Sift through it, decide what genuinely helps you improve, and allow other comments to simply be opinions.
Engage in activities or relationships (like with children) that are grounding and require your full presence. This helps break patterns of rumination and provides a sense of perspective beyond external validation.
During rough or erratic periods, give yourself permission to reduce the intensity or frequency of your practices (like meditation) without guilt. Acknowledge that temporary adjustments are sometimes necessary.
Instead of struggling against adversity, acknowledge the current situation and your emotions about it. Lean into the reality of the moment with a different attitude, which can change your relationship to the situation.
If your home environment is too erratic for quiet practice, seek alternative quiet spaces like sitting outside (weather permitting) or in a library.
If your environment is noisy and makes it hard to focus (e.g., during meditation), download and play white noise through headphones to block out distractions.