Reframe lifequakes and transitions as inherent “features” of life, rather than “bugs” or problems to be avoided. This perspective allows you to see these periods as vital opportunities for growth, renewal, and becoming the “hero of your own story,” rather than wasted time or suffering.
Understand and embrace that life is nonlinear, characterized by many twists, turns, and transitions, rather than a single, predictable path. This mindset shift allows you to view navigating transitions as a lifelong skill that needs to be developed.
Adopt the fundamental belief that the mind is trainable and capable of change. This mindset is radically empowering and forms the basis for making incremental improvements in various aspects of life.
Actively reject the notion of a fixed identity or personality determined early in life. Embrace personal evolution and non-linearity, recognizing that you can change and grow over time.
During lifequakes, consciously reassess and rebalance the three building blocks of meaning: Agency (what you do/create), Belonging (relationships), and Cause (something higher than self). Lifequakes create a “meaning vacuum,” and rebalancing these elements helps construct new meaning.
Approach personal growth and navigating transitions by breaking them down into small components, focusing on small wins, and making 10% movements. This method leads to significant changes over time, making large transformations more manageable.
Consciously revise and update your personal life story to incorporate life transitions as new chapters. This process helps you construct meaning from the experience, acknowledging difficulties while finding constructive lessons and growth.
Be wary of the term “resilience” if it implies simply “bouncing back” to a previous state. Many transitions lead to new directions (sideways, forward) rather than a return to the old, and focusing on “going back” can hinder growth and acceptance of new paths.
Acknowledge and accept the strong emotions (fear, sadness, shame) that arise during a life transition. Verbally expressing these emotions, such as saying “I’m sad,” is an incredibly empowering first step to dealing with the reality of your situation.
Identify your “transition superpower” (the phase of transition you’re naturally good at, e.g., saying goodbye, navigating the messy middle, or starting anew) and begin your transition process there. Building confidence by starting with what you’re good at can help you navigate more difficult phases.
Actively seek out and share your experiences and feelings with others during a life transition. Sharing prevents feelings of isolation and provides crucial support during difficult times.
When seeking support from friends, mentors, or loved ones, explicitly communicate the type of advice or comfort you need (e.g., “comforters,” “nudgers,” “slappers”). This ensures you receive the most helpful support tailored to your specific needs.
Employ rituals (e.g., memorial services, burying something, wearing specific clothing, getting a tattoo) to mark the end of an old life phase or the beginning of a new one. Rituals serve as powerful external gestures to yourself and others, signaling that you are going through a difficult transition and saying goodbye to the past.
Actively shed old habits, mindsets, or lifestyles that no longer serve you, especially those you disliked about yourself. Life transitions offer a unique opportunity to break old patterns and intentionally get rid of undesirable behaviors or attachments.
Engage in creative acts (e.g., singing, dancing, painting, cooking, writing poetry, learning an instrument) especially during difficult times. Creativity helps you imagine and construct a new self, providing a way for your mind, body, and soul to process change and create order out of chaos.
Publicly acknowledge and “unveil” your new self and life, perhaps by starting new personal projects or using rituals to mark completion. This act provides a sense of relief and helps solidify the new identity and life you’ve constructed after the transition.
In times of crisis, particularly with aging parents or those with communication difficulties, try asking simple, open-ended questions to prompt storytelling. This can help them engage, process, and even create a narrative, as it helped Bruce Feiler’s dad write an autobiography.
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