Embrace the fact that you are not special and your achievements are temporary, as this realization can free you from the burden of constant self-preoccupation and lead to a sense of relief.
In social situations, shift your focus from trying to make a good impression to genuinely connecting with others, as this softens self-preoccupation and fosters a powerful sense of ‘we’.
When experiencing self-esteem ‘crashes’ or feelings of inadequacy, hold yourself with kindness and the understanding that such pain is universal, rather than trying to immediately boost your self-esteem.
Reflect on what truly matters to you (e.g., what you want on your tombstone) to identify sustainable aims aligned with your values, rather than pursuing temporary self-esteem boosts from external achievements.
Engage in mindfulness practice to notice how often your self-appraisal fluctuates between feeling good and bad, which helps create space from identifying with this ‘rollercoaster’ and reduces suffering.
When current self-esteem crashes occur, reflect on what those feelings remind you of from past painful experiences or ‘small ’t’ traumas’ to rework and heal old injuries, making you less vulnerable in the future.
Practice gratitude for what you already have, as it connects you to something larger than yourself and shifts your focus away from desire and perceived deficits, softening self-esteem preoccupation.
Focus your energy on developing self-discipline, putting in effort, and engaging fully in activities, rather than constantly striving to boost your self-esteem.
Recognize that constant self-evaluation is a universal human problem, not a sign of individual failure, which can help you be kinder to yourself and reduce unnecessary suffering.
Reflect on the specific qualities, achievements, or external indicators you rely on to feel good about yourself, and observe how you feel when these are validated or when you fall short.
Pay attention to subtle physiological and emotional shifts throughout the day in response to interactions or events (e.g., emails, texts) to track how frequently your self-esteem boosts or crashes.
Understand that self-esteem boosts are temporary due to habituation (’narcissistic recalibration’) and impermanence, which can help you reduce your addiction to constantly seeking them.
Examine how long ago you had to be ‘good enough’ by your own standards to still feel that way, realizing that past positive experiences often lack staying power and the system constantly re-evaluates.
Feed and cultivate your natural instincts toward cooperation, sharing, and justice, as living in alignment with these values feels better and reduces constant self-worry.
Reflect on your temporary existence and the eventual disappearance of your achievements to gain a sense of freedom and realize that constant self-preoccupation is ‘fundamentally quite silly’.