Cultivate self-compassion by being willing to sit with and tolerate your own suffering, as this is a prerequisite for genuinely engaging with the suffering of others.
Begin by tempering yourself to tolerate your own suffering and actively meet the places within yourself where there is tension or unwillingness to touch your own pain.
During meditation or when experiencing mental ’turbulence,’ don’t just dismiss distractions; instead, inquire into the underlying reason or ’thing’ that makes that distraction interesting, rather than just its content.
Become a ‘connoisseur of your own pain’ by deeply understanding your personal suffering, as this comfort with your own experience will enable you to recognize and engage with the suffering of others, including those you disagree with.
As an act of self-compassion, be willing to honestly examine and see the specific ways in which you express cruelty, rather than simply trying to avoid being cruel.
Actively ‘route out’ internal cruelty, hatred, and indifference within yourself, as cultivating compassion alone is insufficient without addressing these negative qualities.
Cultivate self-compassion by being willing to meet and accept even the ugliest and most challenging aspects of your own nature.
Understand that engaging in cruelty will diminish and dry up your capacity to cultivate compassion and contribute to a better world, making it essential to avoid.
Cultivate Metta (loving kindness or friendliness) as an essential, deep practice, understanding it is not merely about ‘being nice’ but a fundamental starting point for expanding one’s sense of self.
Instead of directly trying to ‘produce’ compassion, focus on cultivating the necessary conditions for it to arise naturally, such as practicing loving kindness (Metta).
Cultivate Metta by starting with an impulse of wanting wellness and ease for yourself, then consciously extending that expansive feeling outwards to others.
Understand that true compassion requires actively ‘getting in there’ with people and their suffering, rather than merely sending good wishes from a detached position.
Distinguish compassion from general empathy by specifically focusing on suffering and cultivating an impulse to alleviate it, even when direct action is not possible.
Do not engage in ‘bypass culture’ by using spiritual gestures or words (like ’namaste’ or ‘I wish you ease’) without genuinely cultivating the underlying qualities of loving kindness and deep practice.
When you feel emotional ‘contraction’ (a physical or mental tightening), pause and listen inward to identify what feels like a threat to yourself, as this creates space and helps recognize similar threats in others.
When experiencing feelings of contraction or tightness, breathe deeply to expand your body, counteracting the sensation of getting smaller and creating more internal space.
Understand that all people are fundamentally striving for safety, to be seen, to be whole, and to be loved, even if their methods for achieving these needs differ greatly from your own.
By becoming deeply aware of your own feelings of threat and vulnerability, you create more internal space to understand and allow for the feelings of threat in others, which helps compassion arise.
Actively avoid pity, which is a ’near enemy’ of compassion, because it inhibits true connection by keeping you at a distance from others’ suffering rather than ’leveling with’ them.
Do not use engagement with distant or abstract causes as a way to avoid addressing suffering that is immediately present and requires your direct, personal engagement.
Avoid deep suffering by actively participating and ‘putting skin in the game’ in important matters, rather than passively waiting for outcomes or expecting others to resolve issues for you.
Actively participate in civic duties like voting or volunteering for a cause you believe in, as this engagement is a path to self-compassion and helps alleviate personal anxiety and feelings of inaction.
Beyond casting your own vote, actively work to ensure that people in your life have safe and unthreatened conditions in which to exercise their right to vote.
Fully engage and commit yourself to causes you care about; even if the outcome isn’t as desired, the act of full participation itself generates enormous self-compassion.
Navigate challenging times by holding yourself both gently (with self-care and kindness) and firmly (with resilience and resolve).
Recognize that caring or having compassion for yourself and others is a courageous and empowering act, not a sign of weakness.
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