<p><em>New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers.</em></p> <p><em>---</em></p> <p>The Buddhist case — and toolkit — for "don't-know mind."</p> <p><br /></p> <p>For this episode, Executive Producer DJ Cashmere interviewed a trio of brilliant Dharma teachers to get their advice about how to handle being wrong. This is the third in a series of <a href="http://www.happierapp.com/podcast-playlists/correspondent-episodes" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">'correspondent' episodes</a>, in which DJ identifies a pain point in his life and meditation practice, then goes out into the world to report on the best ways to address it.</p> <p><br /></p> <p><a href="https://www.kairajewel.com/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Kaira Jewel Lingo</a> is a former nun in the Plum Village tradition started by Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh. <a href="https://vinnyferraro.org/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Vinny Ferraro</a> teaches at the Insight Meditation Society and Spirit Rock, and also in prisons. <a href="https://www.matthewbrensilver.org/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Matthew Brensilver</a> teaches at many of the same retreat centers, and spent many years working in the field of addiction pharmacotherapy.</p> <p><br /></p> <p><br /></p> <p>*Matthew's Dharma talk on <a href="https://dharmaseed.org/talks/80528/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Knowing And Not-Knowing</a></p> <p><br /></p> <p>****</p> <p>Want to study and practice with today's guests? Please check out these <a href="https://www.spiritrock.org/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Spirit Rock</a> offerings:</p> <p>Matthew Brensilver, <a href="https://courses.spiritrock.org/sp/buddhist-psychology-training-integrating-mindfulness-science-and-clinical-practice/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Buddhist Psychology Training</strong></a> (Begins in January)</p> <p>Vinny Ferraro: <a href="https://spirit-rock.secure.retreat.guru/program/a-year-to-live-yl6t25/?lang=en" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>A Year to Live</strong></a>; <a href="https://spirit-rock.secure.retreat.guru/program/discovering-what-death-can-teach-us-about-living-fully-vf1h24/?lang=en" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Discovering What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully</strong></a> (Begins in January)</p> <p>Kaira Jewel Lingo: <a href="https://spirit-rock.secure.retreat.guru/program/healing-our-way-home-black-buddhist-teachings-kw1d24/?lang=en" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Healing Our Way Home</strong></a> (Oct. 20); <a href="https://spirit-rock.secure.retreat.guru/program/insight-meditation-retreat-216r25-on-land/?lang=en" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Insight Meditation Retreat</strong></a> (April 9-16; opens Dec. 11)</p> <p>All <em>10% Happier</em> listeners receive a discount code for our <a href="https://spirit-rock.secure.retreat.guru/program/meeting-the-three-characteristics-through-cultivating-stability-well-being-and-confidence-386r24-on-land/?lang=en" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>December Insight Retreat</strong></a> (Dec. 8-18) with the code TENPERCENT</p> <p><br /></p> <p>& if you'd like to study with these guests on the East Coast, check out these retreats at the <a href="https://myims.dharma.org/s/retreat-center-2025" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Insight Meditation Society</a>:</p> <p><strong>Kaira Jewel Lingo,</strong> Strength to Love: Honoring Dr. Martin Luther King: Jr. (Jan 17 - Jan 20), and Return to Wholeness: Opening to Wisdom & Love (Mar 23 - Mar 29)</p> <p><strong>Vinny Ferraro,</strong> Peace in Presence: A Four-Night Retreat for All (Jan 31 - Feb 4)</p> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>Related Episodes:</strong></p> <p><br /></p> <ul> <li><a href="http://www.happierapp.com/podcast-playlists/correspondent-episodes" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Listen to all of DJ's correspondence episodes here</a></li> <li><a href="https://www.happierapp.com/podcast/tph/kaira-jewel-lingo-news" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">3 Buddhist Strategies for When the News is Overwhelming | Kaira Jewel Lingo</a></li> <li><a href="https://www.happierapp.com/podcast/tph/kaira-jewel-lingo-363" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">How to Keep Your Relationships On the Rails | Kaira Jewel Lingo</a></li> <li><a href="https://www.happierapp.com/podcast/tph/vinny-ferraro" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Three Buddhist Practices For Getting Your Sh*t Together | Vinny Ferraro</a></li> <li><a href="https://happierapp.com/podcast/tph/matthew-brensilver-415" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Why Self-Hatred Makes No Sense | Matthew Brensilver</a></li> <li><a href="https://open.spotify.com/episode/7fwlRSshqnGwft9lIPlxGB" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">How to Actually Be Present | Matthew Brensilver</a></li> </ul> <p><br /></p> <p>Also, the teachers' sites:</p> <p><a href="https://vinnyferraro.org/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://vinnyferraro.org/</a></p> <p><a href="https://spirit-rock.secure.retreat.guru/program/a-year-to-live-yl6t25/?_gl=1%2Axlghiq%2A_ga%2AODcwMTMxMTY4LjE3MjI4ODYxNDU.%2A_ga_JJL3LQYNTV%2AMTcyNjY4NzMxNi42LjEuMTcyNjY4NzM1OS4xNy4wLjA.&lang=en" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Vinny Ferraro's Course, A Year To Live</a></p> <p><a href="https://www.kairajewel.com/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.kairajewel.com/</a></p> <p><a href="https://www.matthewbrensilver.org/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.matthewbrensilver.org/</a></p> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>Feedback form: Let us know what you think!</strong></p> <p><a href="https://www.happierapp.com/contact" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>https://www.happierapp.com/contact</strong></a></p> <p><br /></p> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>Sign up for Dan's weekly newsletter</strong> <a href="https://www.danharris.com/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>here</strong></a></p> <p><strong>Follow Dan on social:</strong> <a href="https://bit.ly/3tGigG5" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Instagram</strong></a><strong>,</strong> <a href="https://bit.ly/3FOA84J" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>TikTok</strong></a></p> <p><strong>Ten Percent Happier online</strong> <a href="https://bit.ly/46TZglY" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>bookstore</strong></a></p> <p><strong>Subscribe to our</strong> <a href="https://bit.ly/3FybRzD" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>YouTube Channel</strong></a></p> <p><strong>Our favorite playlists on:</strong> <a href="https://spoti.fi/3Qa8kMT" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Anxiety</strong></a><strong>,</strong> <a href="https://spoti.fi/3MjtMxF" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Sleep</strong></a><strong>,</strong> <a href="https://spoti.fi/3QvyA5J" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Relationships</strong></a><strong>,</strong> <a href="https://spoti.fi/3QxZASc" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Most Popular Episodes</strong></a></p> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>Full Shownotes:</strong> <a href="https://happierapp.com/podcast/tph/dj-being-wrong-3" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://happierapp.com/podcast/tph/dj-being-wrong-3</a></p>
Actionable Insights
1. Question Your Found Truths
To find truth, recognize that your current conviction of having found it might be a lie, and actively ‘kill’ that illusion to continue the search for deeper understanding. This prevents stagnation and opens the path to true insight, as taught by Thich Nhat Hanh.
2. Be Radically Open to Revision
Work with your best current understanding, but maintain a radical openness to revising all your views, from small details to fundamental life questions. This mindset fosters continuous learning and prevents stagnation, allowing for a deeper, richer understanding.
3. Practice Letting Go of Wanting
Recognize that your knowing and wanting are intertwined; practice noticing your desires and letting them go without fighting them. This allows you to perceive reality more clearly and act with greater ease, rather than having your perceptions obscured by longing.
4. Examine Your ‘Wrong’ Meanings
Reflect on your personal beliefs about what ‘being wrong’ means to you, considering its historical significance from your upbringing. Identify if you are still applying outdated ‘costs’ (e.g., love withdrawn, exile) that are no longer true, to understand and change your own patterning.
5. Use Certainty as a Cue to Check
When you feel a strong sense of certainty, use it as a mindfulness bell or a wake-up call to get curious and check your perceptions. This practice helps you become deeply suspicious of certain mind states and prevent delusion from feeling like truth.
6. Embrace Continuous Learning
Cultivate a mindset of being forever open to letting go of old views, learning new things, and acknowledging when you are wrong. This is a foundational practice for living an enlightened life, as outlined in Thich Nhat Hanh’s mindfulness trainings.
7. Practice Non-Dogmatism
Actively avoid dogmatism, fanaticism, and intolerance in your views and interactions. This is a central pillar of Thich Nhat Hanh’s teachings for living an enlightened life.
8. Respect Others’ Perspectives
Refrain from forcing your views on others, including your own children. This practice promotes intellectual humility and avoids conflict, aligning with Thich Nhat Hanh’s mindfulness trainings.
9. Regularly Ask ‘Am I Sure?’
Place the question ‘Are you sure?’ in a visible place or regularly ask yourself this question to cultivate openness and humility. This practice helps you remain receptive to new information and different perspectives.
10. Seek External Feedback
Actively check your perceptions by consulting people you trust and asking for their perspective on what you are seeing or thinking. This helps cultivate humility and provides a broader view, protecting you from making more mistakes.
11. Adopt Others’ Viewpoints
Make a concerted effort to see situations from other people’s points of view and different vantage points. This broadens your understanding beyond your limited perspective.
12. Practice ‘Don’t Side With Yourself’
In moments of certainty or conflict, use the mantra ‘don’t side with yourself’ as a nudge to step out of your own rut and consider other perspectives, without automatically siding with the other person.
13. Humbly Apologize When Wrong
Humble yourself by admitting when you don’t know or when you are wrong, and offer sincere apologies. This can de-escalate situations and create space for other tools, as exemplified by Thich Nhat Hanh.
14. Communicate Views as ‘Lightly Held’ (Sincere)
When sharing your opinions or ideas, preface them with phrases like ‘This is lightly held’ or ‘I’m not sure if it’s right,’ ensuring your intention is genuine and not performative. This signals openness, reduces attachment to your views, and encourages collective problem-solving.
15. Stay Adaptive to Change
Even after taking action, remain open to new information and be willing to nuance or change your approach if the situation evolves. This prevents rigidity and fosters adaptability, allowing for continuous learning.
16. Cultivate Fresh Perspective
Start each day by asking, ‘How can I see things with fresh eyes?’ or ‘How can I see things newly?’ This fosters curiosity and openness to new information, preventing rigid thinking.
17. Empower Others’ Self-Assessment
Instead of imposing your certainty, especially with children, ask them ‘Do you feel safe right now?’ This empowers them to check in with themselves and fosters their own awareness, rather than deciding for them what is safe.