<p><em>New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers</em></p> <p><em>---</em></p> <p>Lessons learned from the psychiatric hospital</p> <p>We've got a fascinating and very personal discussion today about the often very painful gap between the way you feel on the inside and the way the world perceives you. We also cover the urgency and difficulty of sitting with your own discomfort. </p> <p><a href="https://annamarietendler.com/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Anna Marie Tendler</a> is an artist and writer. She is also the author of a new memoir called '<em>Men Have Called Her Crazy'</em>. </p> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>In this episode we talk about:</strong></p> <ul> <li>The circumstances of her checking into a psychiatric hospital in 2021</li> <li>The difference between our interior emotions and our exterior selves</li> <li>The help she found through Dialectical Behavior Therapy – DBT</li> <li>We dive into a very specific theme of the book – <em>and its title</em> – the insidious ways in which men have impacted her life. </li> <li>And lastly, how she found a way to sit with discomfort and pain, while showing up in the world authentically to herself.</li> </ul> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>Related Episodes:</strong></p> <p><a href="https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/sharon-salzberg-510" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#510. Me, a Love Story: How Being OK With Yourself Makes You Better at Everything | Sharon Salzberg</a></p> <p><a href="https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/elaine-lin-hering" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">The Science Of Speaking Up For Yourself | Elaine Lin Hering (Co-interviewed by Dan's wife Bianca!)</a></p> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>Sign up for Dan's weekly newsletter</strong> <a href="https://bit.ly/3QtGRqJ" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>here</strong></a></p> <p><strong>Follow Dan on social:</strong> <a href="https://bit.ly/3tGigG5" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Instagram</strong></a><strong>,</strong> <a href="https://bit.ly/3FOA84J" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>TikTok</strong></a></p> <p><strong>Ten Percent Happier online</strong> <a href="https://bit.ly/46TZglY" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>bookstore</strong></a></p> <p><strong>Subscribe to our</strong> <a href="https://bit.ly/3FybRzD" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>YouTube Channel</strong></a></p> <p><strong>Our favorite playlists on:</strong> <a href="https://spoti.fi/3Qa8kMT" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Anxiety</strong></a><strong>,</strong> <a href="https://spoti.fi/3MjtMxF" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Sleep</strong></a><strong>,</strong> <a href="https://spoti.fi/3QvyA5J" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Relationships</strong></a><strong>,</strong> <a href="https://spoti.fi/3QxZASc" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Most Popular Episodes</strong></a></p> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>Full Shownotes:</strong> <a href="https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/anna-marie-tendler" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/anna-marie-tendler</a></p> <p><br /></p>
Actionable Insights
1. Embrace Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT)
Consider engaging in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), a structured program that teaches mindfulness, constructive coping skills, and effective interpersonal communication, as it can be life-changing for managing emotions, addiction, and self-harm.
2. Practice Respond, Not React
When intense emotions arise, pause to take deep breaths, identify the facts of the situation, separate them from assumptions, and then consciously choose a constructive coping skill or response. This practice helps interrupt instinctive emotional reactions and allows for more thoughtful engagement.
3. Access Your Wise Mind
Cultivate your ‘wise mind’ by consciously separating yourself from immediate emotional reactions, a mindfulness technique that helps approach situations with greater clarity and less impulsivity.
4. Interrupt Acute Panic Physiologically
To quickly stop a panic attack, submerge your face in an ice bath while holding your breath, as this physiological response can trigger a survival mechanism that disarms the panic.
5. Acknowledge Internal-External Discrepancy
Reflect on the potential gap between your internal emotional experience and how you are perceived externally, as recognizing this dichotomy can be a crucial step toward healing anxiety and depression.
6. Address Underlying Fear in Conflict
When experiencing anger or a tendency to stonewall in conflicts, pause to identify the underlying fear or trigger within yourself, as understanding this root cause can significantly improve relationships.
7. Disarm Conflict with Vulnerability
Neutralize conflict quickly by vulnerably expressing your true underlying feelings, such as fear, rather than reacting defensively, which can foster empathy and constructive dialogue.
8. Offer Reassurance During Conflict
When addressing conflict, explicitly state that your concerns are about actions or situations, not an accusation that the other person is ‘bad,’ to help them overcome shame and engage more openly.
9. Consider Preventative Couples Counseling
Engage in couples counseling proactively, even when your relationship is stable, to develop stronger communication skills and deepen understanding with your partner.
10. Cultivate Authentic Relationships
Prioritize bringing your authentic self to relationships, accepting the risk of rejection rather than contorting your personality to please others, which leads to more genuine connections.
11. Build Distress Tolerance for Rejection
Develop the capacity to sit with uncomfortable emotions like rejection, understanding that these feelings are normal and do not diminish your inherent worth.
12. Learn from Relationships for Growth
Actively use romantic relationships as opportunities for personal growth, learning about your triggers, needs, and desires through interactions with others.
13. Manage Big Emotions with Sturdiness
Develop the ability to acknowledge, sit with, and communicate your intense emotions, then consciously let them go, preventing them from overwhelming your entire experience.
14. Explore the 10% Meditation App
Download the ‘10% with Dan Harris’ app for guided meditations, live community sessions, and ad-free podcast access, designed to help manage stress, anxiety, and improve focus.
15. Support the Podcast with Reviews
Help the podcast by leaving a rating or review in your preferred podcast app, as this simple action significantly boosts its visibility and reach.
16. Subscribe to Dan Harris’s Newsletter
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