The point of meditation is not to force or avoid any particular feeling, but to feel whatever is present clearly and mindfully. This allows you to sit with difficult emotions with nonjudgmental, open, curious awareness.
Understand that focus and concentration in meditation cannot be achieved by trying harder; instead, it emerges from relaxing back into the practice and gently redirecting attention. Over-efforting can lead to tension and headaches.
Surrender to the basic logistics of your meditation practice, and periodically check for any hidden agendas trying to take over. When you notice desire or distraction, label it, acknowledge it, and gently return your attention to your chosen anchor, like the breath.
Concentration emerges from calmly and consistently recommitting to your chosen anchor (e.g., breath or body sensations) every time you get distracted. Relax back into the practice and gently start again each time your mind wanders.
When experiencing rumination, use mental noting by labeling thoughts as ’thinking’ or ‘planning’ to create distance and observe the rumination as a process rather than engaging with the content of the thoughts. This helps you notice thoughts without being entangled in them.
Bring mindfulness to difficult emotions by investigating their physiological constituent parts, observing where they show up in your body. This practice helps you navigate powerful emotions with more smoothness, preventing you from being swamped by them.
If you struggle with restlessness or an ‘ADHD brain,’ try a moving meditation, specifically walking meditation, as it can be very helpful. Don’t overly focus on achieving relaxation during meditation.
When practicing walking meditation, walk at a slow to normal pace, bringing your attention to the physical sensations of walking. Use mental noting (e.g., ‘hot,’ ‘cool,’ ‘hardness,’ ’tension’) to stay present, and gently return your attention to the sensations every time you get distracted.
Recognize that the desire to feel a certain way can be a hindrance in meditation; work with it by clearly seeing and labeling it as ‘wanting’ or ‘craving.’ Labeling helps create distance, preventing you from being entangled in the desire.
To spot unseen agendas blocking meditation progress, ask yourself, ‘What’s the attitude in the mind right now?’ or simply use ‘attitude check.’ This helps you become aware of underlying desires or expectations, preventing them from owning your practice.
Adopt the mantra ‘It’s okay’ to acknowledge and accept your feelings, understanding that it means ‘it’s okay to feel this thing,’ not that the situation itself is okay. This can be a liberating idea, helping you sit with difficult emotions.
Look for the part of yourself that’s trying to hold everything together, like an inner CEO or hall monitor, as this can be a poignant and powerful self-observation. The purpose is to realize that you won’t find a ‘core nugget of self,’ which can be freeing.
Gently sit with counterintuitive ideas, such as the self being a mystery or a process, over time, as they can gradually begin to make sense and help you see powerful emotions as transitory.
Don’t worry if you don’t understand concepts like non-duality or the self being an illusion, as it’s fine not to grasp them immediately. Sitting with these counterintuitive ideas over time can help them start to make sense.
Prioritize simply doing meditation, as the best kind is the one you actually practice, regardless of whether it’s guided or unguided. Consistency in practice is more important than the specific format.
Utilize guided meditations, especially if you find them helpful, as skilled guides can deliver wisdom and reminders about the practice, such as the importance of gently starting again after distraction. This can be particularly powerful in sensitive emotional states.
Recognize that consistent meditation, even for just 8-10 minutes daily, is highly valuable and perfectly sufficient. Do not stress about needing to go longer if that’s your current capacity.
If you feel up for it, gently challenge yourself to extend your meditation practice slightly, perhaps from 8-10 minutes to 12 or 15 minutes occasionally. However, if you’re at your capacity, maintain your current routine without pushing too hard.
If you primarily use guided meditations, consider experimenting with unguided sessions occasionally, but don’t feel pressured or ‘sweaty’ about it.
Be careful not to push yourself too hard or over-optimize your meditation practice, as excessive striving can be counterproductive and lead to suffering for yourself and others.