Believe that you can exert some degree of control or influence over your emotions, rather than viewing them as unchangeable like the weather. This mindset predicts positive outcomes, as people who believe they can change their emotions are more likely to try and succeed.
Recognize that emotions are non-negotiable and can own you if you don’t know how to work with them; learn systems to work with them and listen to them in the right ways.
Understand that emotions unfold in a sequence: a situation, attention to features, appraisal/evaluation, and then responses (feelings, behavior, body). This understanding provides a powerful place to stand for altering emotion trajectories.
Adopt a systematic mindfulness practice with four components: a non-empty set of techniques (e.g., 10 minutes daily), regular retreats (half-day, one-week), and ideally, support from an interactive, competent coach. This long-term investment can lead to deeper experiences and improved emotional regulation.
Systematically train focus factors like flexible concentration, sensory clarity, and deep equanimity to your emotional life. This allows pleasant emotions to be more fulfilling and unpleasant emotions to hurt without causing suffering.
Recognize that a huge source of human suffering arises from having emotions about your emotions (meta-emotions), such as feeling angry at yourself for feeling anxious. With training, learn to think differently about these emotions to decrease negative meta-emotion.
Develop sensory clarity to track inner experiences (mental image, mental talk, body sensation) with specificity. When you can no longer track your inner see, hear, feel with specificity, you start to suffer or act regrettably; maintaining clarity reduces overwhelm.
Train flexible concentration, which is the ability to focus on what you want, when you want, for as long as you want, in daily life. This is a key focus factor in mindfulness practice.
Cultivate equanimity, the ability to allow sensory experience to come and go without push and pull, which is the inverse of craving and aversion. This prevents the ‘coagulation’ of natural flow that is the nature of early neuronal processing.
Skillfully choose which situations to engage in or avoid to influence your emotional experience. While avoiding triggering situations can reduce anxiety, reflect deeply on whether this is truly helpful long-term, as chronic avoidance can compromise life goals.
Once in a situation, actively look for opportunities to adjust it to experience desired emotions or avoid unhelpful ones. For example, if annoyed by noise at a restaurant, ask to be reseated instead of stewing.
Shift your attention to different aspects of a situation (external or inner thoughts) to modify your emotion trajectory. This can involve distraction, like counting ceiling tiles or planning groceries, to calm anxiety.
Change the meaning of a situation by flexibly representing it in a different way (reappraisal). For example, if a colleague ignores you, instead of assuming anger, consider if they might be distracted or upset, leading to compassion instead of anger or anxiety.
Manage the behavioral or physiological output of an emotion directly, such as clamping down on expressive anger. While sometimes helpful, chronic use of expressive suppression can be very unhelpful for mental and physical health, so understand its place in your toolbox.
Approach others’ emotional experiences with humility and curiosity, recognizing that their emotional landscapes and challenges may be very different from your own. This helps avoid judgment and fosters understanding.
Recognize that sooner or later, significant life challenges will arise that cannot be solved by ordinary means. Prepare by knowing that systematic mindfulness training is readily available and can provide the ‘big guns’ for radical re-engineering when needed.