When using the RAIN technique, prioritize nurturing (kindness/warmth) towards difficult emotions. Skipping this step and going straight to non-identification can be a subtle form of dissociation, preventing full embodiment and freedom.
When experiencing suffering or a reaction, pause and intentionally notice ‘what’s going on here’ to acknowledge the presence of your feelings.
After recognizing a feeling, allow it to be present without trying to fix, change, ignore, or judge it. Offer an inner ‘yes’ to the actuality of the moment.
After recognizing and allowing, make a ‘U-turn’ from reactivity and investigate by bringing attention to how the experience is expressed in your body (e.g., throat, chest, belly), rather than cognitively analyzing it.
When investigating and contacting vulnerability, ask yourself ‘How does this place want me to be with it right now?’ or ‘What does it need right now?’ to guide your nurturing response.
After completing RAIN, pause and notice the shift in identity and the quality of spaciousness, openness, or tenderness. Rest in this newfound freedom to deepen familiarity with your true self.
Recognize the pervasive ’trance of unworthiness’—the belief that something is fundamentally wrong with you. Learn to hold your egoic self with humor and kindness to transcend self-dislike.
Actively practice letting in love, even from limited sources, to build new neural pathways. This develops the capacity for ‘spiritual reparenting’ that helps you inhabit your wholeness.
Identify specific people, animals, or experiences that naturally evoke feelings of warmth, tenderness, or love in you. Bring these to mind during nurturing practice to widen your lens beyond self-criticism.
Ask yourself ‘What are you unwilling to feel?’ and then directly contact that vulnerability. Facing what you’ve been pulling away from is a powerful way to free yourself.
Engage in RAIN with a partner to increase accountability and create a safe container for practice. Verbalizing what’s happening deepens awareness by bringing it into the light.
Beyond meditating alone, share the unfolding of your practice with others, being vulnerable about both insights and blocks. This process enlarges your understanding and experience.
Practice interpersonal meditation by intentionally bringing mindfulness to how you speak and listen in conversations. Check if you are embodied, truly listening, and speaking from a place of heart and presence.
When someone acts in a way you dislike, instead of immediately judging or reacting, pause and ask ‘Where does it hurt?’. This cultivates compassion and shifts your perspective.
In relationships, when stuck in a pattern, take an ‘official timeout’ to individually practice RAIN inwardly. Process your feelings and beliefs before re-engaging to communicate without blame.
Recognize that external circumstances like fame, disrepute, gain, or loss are impersonal ‘winds’ that blow. Practicing non-identification with them is essential for finding real peace and freedom.
Share your fears with others, for example by writing them down and reading them aloud in a group. This helps you realize that what feels intensely personal is often a shared human experience, reducing its grip.
Approach your practice with flexibility, responding intuitively to what arises in the moment rather than rigidly following a rote method. This deepens freedom.
Approach your practice with the explicit intention of kindness. This makes the process of turning attention to the present moment significantly easier.
Focus on cultivating actions and states of being that feel better, more true, and more ‘at home’ to you. Align with who you genuinely want to be.
Regularly ask yourself ‘What would really most matter?’ (e.g., at the end of your life, today, in an interaction) to align your actions with your deepest longings and aspirations, rather than being driven by immediate gratification or fear.
Use meditation to mindfully examine your thoughts and feelings while working to gain clarity on whether your job environment is healthy and what activities you truly love. This informs decisions about your career path.
Dedicate significant time to identifying what you truly love to do and how you want to spend your days. Then actively pursue those things in your life and career.
When experiencing fear or panic, adopt an attitude of ‘bring it on’ or ‘do your worst,’ inviting the sensations in. This reverses conditioning and allows you to fully experience them rather than resisting.
Seek out forms of exercise that you genuinely love and find joyful. This significantly increases your likelihood of consistently engaging in the activity.
When self-criticism arises during exercise, repeatedly drop the word ‘gratitude’ into your mind stream. This interrupts the trance and helps you appreciate your body’s ability to function and exercise.
When your inner critic is active, use the mantra ‘Welcome to the party’ to acknowledge its presence without fighting it. This can soothe it and reduce its power.
Practice Kristin Neff’s three-step self-compassion: 1) Notice you are suffering, 2) Remind yourself that suffering is part of the shared human experience, and 3) Send yourself love and kindness (e.g., ‘May I be happy, may I be free from suffering’).
If you have a history of trauma, prioritize nurturing and self-soothing before somatic investigation, potentially for weeks or months. This builds stability and resilience and avoids re-traumatization.
To nurture, you can place a hand on your heart or cheek, or use specific phrases like ‘It’s okay, this belongs’ to offer kindness. This creates a sense of space and acceptance for your feelings.
If direct self-nurturing is difficult, call out to the universe with a phrase like ‘Please love me,’ or imagine a loved one holding you. This helps access a sense of compassionate presence.
When investigating, you can skillfully ask yourself ‘What am I believing right now?’ to bring underlying beliefs into consciousness. This can help you connect more directly with somatic sensations.
To deepen investigation, physically sculpt the mood you’re feeling with your body and face. Allow your physical self to take on the full expression of the emotion.
Engage in dyad work or similar practices to build affect tolerance, allowing you to stay present with discomfort. As you relax, you can perceive vulnerability, goodness, and sameness in others.
Mentally use the mantra ‘We are friends’ when encountering nature or other people. This opens yourself to a sense of affinity and interbeing, fostering connection.
If you find certain practices or expressions of self-compassion ‘cheesy,’ try to get comfortable with them. An unwillingness to embrace such things can hinder your path to freedom.
Instead of accepting beliefs on face value, continually turn your attention to the present moment and what is being experienced. Verify truths through your own direct experience.
Understand that when awareness directly contacts suffering, a natural tenderness emerges from that larger space of awareness. This awareness can then offer care.
Honestly recognize the suffering caused by being ‘down on yourself’ or self-critical. Directly contacting this vulnerability can naturally evoke tenderness and care.
If you realize you have hurt someone’s feelings, acknowledge your anxiety or discomfort and offer a sincere apology. This can deepen connection.
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