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Six Buddhist Strategies for Getting Along Better with Everyone | Sister True Dedication

Oct 19, 2022 1h 6m 15 insights
<p><em>New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers.</em></p> <p>---</p> <p>Relationships can be tricky. Especially if you find yourself upset with someone, and instead of talking it through, you let it fester until one moment you completely lose it and end up having to apologize. If you've ever felt like you had friction with the people in your life, or that you've been taken for granted, today's episode offers you solid strategies to cope. </p> <p><br /></p> <p>Sister True Dedication is a Zen Buddhist nun and teacher ordained by the great meditation teacher and author, Thich Nhat Hanh. She edited several of Thich Nhat Hanh's books, including <em>The Art of Living</em> and <em>Zen and the Art of Saving the Planet</em>. She was born in the United Kingdom, studied history and political thought at Cambridge University, and worked for BBC News before ordaining as a nun at the age of 27.</p> <p><br /></p> <p>In this episode we talk about: </p> <ul> <li>The six phrases – or mantras – that Thich Nhat Hanh recommended people use in their relationships</li> <li>Keeping misunderstandings "dust free"</li> <li>Taking action to make sure anger doesn't fester</li> <li>The importance of recognizing that our understanding of the world is always partial</li> <li>Bringing mantras to work</li> <li>How Sister True Dedication went from journalism to the monastery</li> </ul> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>Full Shownotes:</strong> <a href="https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/sister-true-dedication-514" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/sister-true-dedication-514</a></p>
Actionable Insights

1. Offer Deep Presence & Listening

Show up for others with your full, non-distracted presence, using bodily awareness and deep listening to make them feel truly heard. This allows others to open their hearts, speak their truth, and fosters meaningful human connection.

2. Use Mindful Breathing for Presence

Follow the full length of your in-breath and out-breath, feeling the body’s response, to ground yourself and offer an embodied quality of presence to others. This practice can help you stay calm and gentle even in difficult interactions.

3. Cultivate Positive Mental Seeds

Actively strengthen capacities like compassion, kindness, and courage through intentional practices such as loving-kindness meditation or mindful daily activities. This makes positive qualities more likely to manifest in your thoughts, speech, and actions when needed.

4. Say ‘I Am Here For You’

Put down what you’re doing, go to the person, and with present body language, state ‘I am here for you’ to offer your full presence, openness, and availability without trying to fix their problems. This can also be sent via text message to show support.

5. Express Joy with ‘I Know You’re There’

Verbalize ‘I know you’re there and I’m so happy’ to loved ones and colleagues to keep communication channels open and prevent misunderstandings from accumulating. This helps appreciate others fully before it’s too late.

6. Acknowledge Suffering: ‘I Know You Suffer’

Have the courage to lean into painful moments by telling someone, ‘I know you suffer, and that is why I’m here for you.’ This mantra gives permission for others to describe their difficulty and unlocks deeper connection.

7. Ask for Help: ‘I Suffer’

If someone has hurt you, take action within 24 hours to prevent anger from festering by saying ‘I suffer, please help’ to open communication. This invites healing and acknowledges that living well is a social endeavor.

8. Embrace Feedback: ‘You Are Partly Right’

When criticized or praised, acknowledge ‘you are partly right’ to foster an open mind, learn from feedback, and avoid dogmatism or overconfidence. This encourages understanding others’ perspectives and non-attachment to your own views.

9. Address Anger Within 24 Hours

Allow yourself to be angry for 24 hours, but after that, take action to prevent the anger from festering. This could involve using the ‘I suffer, please help’ mantra to open communication.

10. Celebrate Life with ‘This Is a Happy Moment’

Actively celebrate precious, beautiful, or rare moments by declaring ‘This is a happy moment’ (or ‘This is a wonderful/legendary moment’). This practice helps you stop, name, and wake up to the wonder of life’s finite special instances.

11. Practice Mindful Walking at Work

Integrate mindful walking into daily routines, such as walking to the water cooler, by feeling each footstep. This helps maintain mindfulness and presence even in busy environments.

12. Practice Mindful Eating/Drinking

Before drinking water or eating, take a moment to connect with the whole universe, visualizing elements like mountains and waterfalls, to bring mindfulness to simple daily acts.

13. Perform 5-Minute Body Scan

In intense or difficult moments, find a quiet space to perform a 5-minute body scan to regulate your nervous system. This helps manage stress and maintain inner calm.

14. Engage in Death Meditation

Contemplate impermanence and your eventual death, reflecting that only your actions of body, speech, and mind will remain. This practice can clarify life’s purpose and motivate you to cultivate a better version of yourself.

15. Utilize Plum Village Resources

Access further teachings and meditations on communication practices and mantras through Thich Nhat Hanh’s book ‘The Art of Communicating’ or the free Plum Village app. Explore ‘Zen and the Art of Saving the Planet’ for insights on applying mindfulness for change.