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Six Buddhist Strategies for Getting Along Better with Everyone | Sister True Dedication

Nov 20, 2024 1h 6m 12 insights
<p><em>New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers.</em></p> <p><br /></p> <p>A journalist-turned-Buddhist-nun shares six phrases – or mantras – to help keep your relationships on the rails. </p> <p><br /></p> <p>Relationships can be tricky. Especially if you find yourself upset with someone, and instead of talking it through, you let it fester until one moment you completely lose it and end up having to apologize. If you've ever felt like you had friction with the people in your life, or that you've been taken for granted, today's episode offers you solid strategies to cope. </p> <p><br /></p> <p>Sister True Dedication is a Zen Buddhist nun and teacher ordained by the great meditation teacher and author, Thich Nhat Hanh. She edited several of Thich Nhat Hanh's books, including <em>The Art of Living</em> and <em>Zen and the Art of Saving the Planet</em>. She was born in the United Kingdom, studied history and political thought at Cambridge University, and worked for BBC News before ordaining as a nun at the age of 27.</p> <p><br /></p> <p>In this episode we talk about: </p> <ul> <li>The six phrases – or mantras – that Thich Nhat Hanh recommended people use in their relationships</li> <li>Keeping misunderstandings "dust free"</li> <li>Taking action to make sure anger doesn't fester</li> <li>The importance of recognizing that our understanding of the world is always partial</li> <li>Bringing mantras to work</li> <li>How Sister True Dedication went from journalism to the monastery</li> </ul> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>Full Shownotes:</strong> <a href="https://happierapp.com/podcast/tph/sister-true-dedication-rerun" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://happierapp.com/podcast/tph/sister-true-dedication-rerun</a></p> <p><strong>Where to find Sister True Dedication online: </strong></p> <p>Website: <a href="https://plumvillage.org/people/dharma-teachers/sister-hien-nghiem/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Plum Village Teacher Page</a></p> <p><strong>Additional Resources:</strong></p> <ul> <li>Download the Happier app today: <a href="https://my.happierapp.com/link/download" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://my.happierapp.com/link/download</a></li> </ul> <p><br /></p>
Actionable Insights

1. Cultivate Mindful Presence

Show up for people with quality physical presence and awareness, rather than distraction from screens or thoughts, as this non-verbal communication is foundational for meaningful human contact and allows for deeper connection.

2. Train Your Mind’s “Seeds”

Engage in intentional practices like loving kindness, mindful eating, or mindful walking to actively strengthen positive potentials (seeds) in your consciousness, making qualities like compassion and courage more likely to manifest in your daily thoughts, speech, and actions.

3. Practice Deep, Embodied Listening

When listening to others, use your breathing to stay grounded and be with your physical felt experience of what they are saying, rather than waiting to respond or trying to fix, which allows them to open their heart and speak their truth more fully.

4. Mantra: I Am Here For You

Put down what you’re doing, go to the person, capture their attention with your body language (e.g., hand on shoulder, sit next to them), feel present and available, and say “I’m here for you. How are you?” to activate a higher quality of presence and open space for them to be real.

5. Mantra: I Know You’re There

Verbalize appreciation by saying “I know you’re there and I’m so happy” to valued people, helping to keep communication channels open and prevent misunderstandings from accumulating before it’s too late.

6. Mantra: I Know You Suffer

Acknowledge someone’s pain by saying “I know you suffer, and that is why I’m here for you” (or similar words to that effect), to lean into difficult moments and offer support through your mindful presence, giving them permission to describe their hardship.

7. Mantra: I Suffer, Please Help

Express your hurt directly to the person who caused it by saying “I suffer, please help” or “You said that thing, and I’m suffering and I need your help,” to prevent anger from festering and open communication for healing, rather than trying to solve problems alone.

8. Mantra: You Are Partly Right

When receiving criticism or encountering a triggering view, acknowledge “You are partly right” to yourself and others, fostering openness, curiosity, and non-attachment to your own views, and seeking the grain of truth in their perspective to learn and grow.

9. Mantra: This Is A Happy Moment

Actively celebrate precious, beautiful, or wonderful moments by declaring “This is a happy moment” (or “wonderful,” “legendary”) to stop, name it, arrive into the moment, and wake up to its wonder, counteracting negativity bias.

10. Prevent Anger From Festering

Allow yourself to be angry for 24 hours, but after that, take action to address the source of anger and prevent it from festering, such as using the “I suffer, please help” mantra to open communication.

11. Contemplate Impermanence

Regularly reflect on your mortality, acknowledging that you will die one day and only your actions of body, speech, and mind will remain, to clarify your life’s purpose and ensure your daily choices align with your deepest values.

12. Workplace Mindfulness Practices

Incorporate subtle mindfulness into your workday by practicing mindful walking (e.g., 12 steps to the water cooler), mindful drinking (with a short contemplation), and brief body scans (e.g., 5 minutes in a restroom) to regulate your nervous system and maintain presence in challenging environments.