The brain filled with shame cannot learn, so cultivate self-compassion and reduce self-blame to facilitate personal growth and learning.
Think of yourself as ‘good-ish’ to allow for continuous improvement without the shame of imperfection or the pressure of being perfect.
Recognize that qualities like insight, love, and connection are ’emergent properties’ of how you pay attention, and train your attention through meditation to cultivate them.
Don’t strive for constant mindfulness in daily life; instead, practice returning to it gracefully, quickly, and with less self-blame when your attention wanders.
Engage in practices that clear away unhelpful habit patterns and mental ‘gunk’ to reveal inherent pro-social qualities like kindness and connection.
View meditation not as fixing a deficit, but as learning to dwell and abide in moments of clarity, connection, love, peace, or joy that you’ve already experienced.
Approach spiritual growth with patience, avoiding a ‘grabby’ or acquisitive mindset that seeks immediate insights, and instead create conditions for qualities to emerge naturally.
Make an effort to ’look at’ people you normally ’look through’ (e.g., doormen, service staff), making eye contact and offering a quick greeting to improve daily interactions.
Before sending an email, re-read it from the recipient’s perspective and edit for clarity and kindness to avoid misunderstandings.
Ensure you include yourself in your circle of care, as dedicating all your love and compassion to others without self-care is unsustainable and leads to exhaustion.
If starting loving kindness practice with yourself is difficult, begin by directing it towards someone or something easy to love, but always ensure you eventually include yourself.
Cultivate self-love by embracing the idea of being your own ‘BFF,’ understanding it’s not selfish or a pass/fail project, but an ongoing process.
Understand love as wishing for the happiness and well-being of others, which allows for strong, compassionate action for change without passive acceptance of harmful behavior.
When speaking, acting, or seeking change, pay close attention to your underlying motivations, ensuring they stem from care, connection, or compassion rather than fear or hatred.
Actively practice letting go of the need to control others’ paths or outcomes, even those you deeply love, allowing them to pursue their own happiness.
Recognize that some pain and suffering are inherent to life and simply hurt; avoid adding ’extra suffering’ by blaming yourself or others, or by believing you should be in a sublime state.
Use the analogy of holding loved ones with an open palm, symbolizing care without grasping or clinging, as opposed to a clenched fist representing attachment and control.
Understand that acknowledging the temporary nature of loved ones does not diminish love; instead, this awareness can deepen and make love more poignant.
Actively engage with receiving generosity, compliments, or help as a spiritual practice, rather than deflecting or minimizing it.
When receiving positive feedback or appreciation, pay attention to how it feels and allow yourself to fully experience and ’let in’ the appreciation without immediate self-critique.
Utilize all experiences, positive or negative, as opportunities for practice by paying curious attention to your internal reactions without judgment, observing where you try to control and where you can let go.
Give yourself permission to let creative projects unfold at their own pace, resisting the urge to rush, and actively trying to enjoy the process.
Consider returning to a more structured, formal loving kindness practice, including specific phrases and sequences, to observe its effects and deepen commitment.