Understand and internalize that your brain, mind, and body are trainable, and change is always possible, as nothing is truly fixed, which is a core tenet of a growth mindset.
Engage in self-compassion as a powerful tool for learning from mistakes, making behavioral changes, and developing new habits, despite initial skepticism.
Establish a consistent meditation practice during ordinary, easy, or ‘boring’ times, so that the tools are readily available and strong when you inevitably face a crisis.
When facing difficulties, view them as painful habits or opportunities for learning, asking what lessons can be learned and seeking support, rather than seeing them as fixed character traits.
Do not dive into and take to heart the stories you tell yourself about being trapped or defined by current difficulties, as the problem isn’t the arising of these thoughts but getting consumed by them.
Use mindfulness to find a middle ground between being consumed by difficult emotions and trying to push them away, allowing you to connect with these states differently.
Treat difficult emotions as ‘beautiful monsters’ and engage in ‘handshake practice’ by hanging out with them as a companion, approaching them as an adult with perspective, recognizing their impermanence, and understanding they are not your essential self.
Focus on developing an inner posture of openness, presence, balance, and kindness when facing difficult situations, noting that the ability to recover these states will improve over time.
Actively work to broaden your capacity to experience and process difficult emotions and sensations without becoming overwhelmed or shutting down.
Understand that true compassion involves being present with someone’s pain and observing what emerges, rather than feeling the need to fix the person or situation, which can be a form of narrowness.
Strive for a life free of excessive secrets, deception, and moral complexity, as living ethically fosters self-respect and allows you to rest on the dignity of your efforts, rather than being burdened by guilt or fear of judgment.
Engage in gratitude practices not as a means of self-satisfaction, but to gain energy, feel resourced, and inspire a desire to help others and seek positive change.
Establish specific daily practices to maintain balance and replenish inner resources, which is essential for sustaining long-term work and avoiding burnout.
Foster connections or love of any kind with others (e.g., a neighbor) to reduce feelings of isolation and expand your sense of self.
Cultivate the courage and openness to be present with someone else’s suffering without fear, even when there’s nothing you can do to fix it.
Allow yourself to feel the pain of specific actions or inactions that were wrong or harmful, as this remorse is crucial for learning and determining not to repeat those behaviors.
When you make mistakes, hold yourself accountable with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend or child, rather than resorting to self-laceration.
Do not ignore or pretend that painful or constricting habits don’t exist in an attempt to be ‘positive,’ as this approach is ineffective for genuine growth.
Recognize that trying to destroy, push away, or deny difficult emotions like fear, jealousy, or shame is not an effective strategy.
When experiencing intense emotions, cultivate a sense of inner spaciousness rather than constriction, allowing the energy to move through without becoming jumbled or overwhelming.
Experiment with activities like walking, being in nature, practicing loving-kindness, or listening to music to find what personally helps you create inner space for intense emotions to pass through.
Practice dwelling in awareness of your thoughts and feelings, rather than getting consumed by the emotional state itself (like fear), to maintain perspective and feel more expansive.
When fear arises, remind yourself that you are an adult and it’s not a question of survival, allowing you to hold the fear in a different perspective and let it pass.
During moments of panic, bring your awareness to the immediate present, recognizing that much of the distress is a projection rather than an immediate problem.
When experiencing strong negative emotions like depression, make an effort to engage in meditation, even if it’s not your first impulse, as it can be a powerful tool.
View panic not as inherently bad, but as a high-energy state lacking tranquility, prompting you to seek ways to restore balance.
Acknowledge your inner critic without letting it control you, trusting that your awareness is big enough to handle it without being overwhelmed.
When thoughts and feelings arise, perceive yourself as the vast, unchanging sky through which they pass, rather than identifying with the transient ‘gloomy looking cloud’.
At the end of each day, write down three specific things you are grateful for to foster an energizing and resourced mindset.
Partner with someone to regularly share things you are grateful for (e.g., daily texts) to reinforce the practice and build community.
Adopt the improv principle of ‘Yes, And’ by acknowledging what is present in a situation (even if you don’t agree) and then building upon it, rather than tearing it down, to reframe your perspective.
In challenging situations (e.g., family gatherings), intentionally acknowledge and appreciate the positive elements even when surrounded by negative ones.
Intentionally counteract the negativity bias by actively remembering and delighting in your good qualities, efforts, and positive experiences, rather than solely fixating on mistakes or regrets.
Practice positive states like loving-kindness, equanimity, and gratitude to broaden your perspective (counteracting narrowness from fear) and build inner resources, making you feel less depleted.
Incorporate simple habits like drinking water and taking a moment to appreciate nature (even just a tree) into your daily routine.
Consciously schedule and commit to periods of rest, especially if you have a tendency to be a ’night owl’ or overwork, to maintain balance.
For those who, like Sharon, find informal mindfulness insufficient, ensure you include a period of formal sitting meditation each day to maintain consistency and depth.
Make an effort to eat healthy, engage in artistic activities (e.g., playing an instrument), and connect with family and friends regularly.
Regularly check in with your deepest values, perhaps through practices like loving-kindness meditation for yourself or others, or by reflecting on acts of compassion you’ve witnessed or experienced.
Understand that you have the capacity to solve your own problems of confusion and unhappiness, rather than relying solely on past figures or external authority.
Actively seek and engage in spiritual practices that empower your personal liberation and inner transformation.
Recognize that your own difficult experiences, like panic, can sensitize you to the suffering of others, fostering greater empathy.
Let go of the narrow mindset of needing to fix others’ problems or be their savior, and instead approach shared suffering with a sense of equal presence and collaborative exploration.
Do not narrow your perspective by hiding your own suffering or vulnerability out of shame, believing no one can tolerate it, as this prevents genuine connection.
Understand that a mind consumed by unhealthy shame is unable to learn or make positive behavioral changes.
Recognize that prolonged self-hatred and stewing are not effective strategies for making behavioral changes or getting more free.
Refrain from global condemnation and lacerating self-hatred (‘I am a mess, I always will be’), as this type of shame is not useful for growth or change.
Recognize and appreciate the clarity and power of your mind when it is not cluttered with ethical complexities and deceptions.
Accept that maintaining constant mindfulness or retreat-level concentration in daily life is unrealistic; instead, focus on improving your recovery time and self-treatment during lapses.
Engage in mindfulness (being aware without getting caught up) and compassion (feeling connected to others) to foster openness and expansion.