When your mind wanders or you make a mistake, let go of harsh self-judgment and start over with self-compassion, as this is the most useful way to learn and make progress. This approach is more effective than getting caught in demoralizing loops.
Be very forgiving and kinder to yourself about what you feel, recognizing that you cannot control what emotions arise in your mind. You can only influence how you hold them and whether you act on them.
When caught in fearful projections about a bad future, remind yourself “you don’t know” to create space and find relaxation. Recognize that fear often stems from self-created stories, not the unknown itself.
Recognize that worrying about unknown future events is a useless expenditure of life energy. Instead, come back to the present moment and deal with what is directly in front of you.
When noticing physical signs of anxiety (e.g., faster heart rate), take a breath and remind yourself you don’t need to solve everything at once. Use this as a gesture to come back to the present moment.
Use mindfulness to notice when your mind projects fear into the future, catch it (even if it’s been going on for a while), and return your attention to your breath or take a deep breath. Formal meditation training can reinforce this skill.
If struggling with difficult emotions, practice loving kindness meditation, beginning with yourself as the recipient, to cultivate compassion and avoid self-judgment for feeling bad. This practice helps you tune into an energy of generosity.
Engage in loving kindness practice by silently repeating phrases like “May I be happy, may I be peaceful,” not as a petition, but as an act of offering care and generosity. This process of caring about somebody in that way returns us to some stronger place inside of ourselves.
Understand that qualities like love, kindness, and compassion are trainable and can be cultivated through practice, rather than being innate gifts you either possess or lack. They are emergent properties of paying attention differently.
Define love in a down-to-earth, useful way as simply listening to someone else and genuinely caring about them, without needing it to be grandiose or sentimental. This approach can be quite useful.
Redeem the word “love” by understanding it as a profound sense of connection and the deep realization that our lives are intertwined. This perspective is powerful and based on the truth of things.
Redeem the word “faith” by understanding it as offering your heart to what you essentially care about or what gives you meaning. It connects to something in that way, without having anything to do with belief, dogma, or not asking questions.
Notice and be aware of the struggles people are going through, even without physical communication, and care in some way. This reinforces the truth of an interconnected universe and combats feelings of isolation.
Actively look for ways to help others, as this can be an antidote to self-centered anxiety. It awakens a sense of capability and resourcefulness within you.
Observe your mind when performing acts of cooperation (e.g., holding a door, running errands for a neighbor) to experience an empowered and ennobling state. Self-centeredness, in contrast, feels constricting and enfeebling.
Actively compare the feeling of self-centered or competitive thoughts with thoughts of caring for others (e.g., an elderly neighbor) to observe the difference in your internal experience. This helps identify what brings greater well-being.
Think of someone you hardly know but are grateful for (e.g., delivery workers, healthcare workers), hold them in your heart, and wish them well. This fosters a sense of connection and appreciation.
Practice offering loving kindness to a neutral person (someone you don’t know well but see regularly, like a checkout person) to cultivate inclusion and shift your attention. This helps you look at people rather than through them.
Actively cultivate a sense of connection over alienation through activities like engaging with nature or participating in virtual social gatherings. This helps you feel part of a whole and undermines the myth of being alone.
Actively remember to try and stay connected to others, even when physically isolated. This is a way to ground yourself and deal with the present moment.
When facing difficult, unknown circumstances, reframe the experience as being on a retreat to leverage existing coping skills and a sense of familiarity. This shift in perspective can make challenges feel more manageable.
Reframe self-isolation as an active act of real caring, recognizing that it helps common humanity, especially those at greater risk. You should feel the reward of contributing to well-being.
Deliberately shift your attention to what you currently possess or have, rather than obsessing over what’s wrong or what you lack. This practice can change your perspective and bring a sense of well-being.
Actively let in joy and practice self-care, even during struggles, by enjoying small things. This prevents exhaustion and depletion, sustaining your ability to engage with the world.
Engage in practices that help “clear away” your own self-centered concerns, which effectively turns down internal noise. This opens the door for other positive experiences and connections to arise.
Embrace vulnerability as truthfulness and honesty in communication, choosing to express your true feelings (e.g., “I wanted so much more from you”) rather than lashing out. This fosters genuine connection.
Recognize that the brain cannot effectively learn when filled with shame, making it crucial to avoid self-laceration and instead cultivate an internal environment conducive to learning and growth. This is a smart approach to personal development.
Consider making a small donation to a food bank or similar cause to feel a sense of helping and enriching someone’s life. This can shift your internal state in a meaningful way.
To achieve freedom, learn to get comfortable with language or concepts that might initially seem “cheesy” or overly sentimental, especially in practices like loving kindness. This acceptance can be liberating.
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