Cultivate both tender self-compassion (acceptance, warmth) and fierce self-compassion (action, protection, motivation) to achieve holistic well-being and effectively address suffering. Both aspects are essential for a healthy and whole self.
Combine learning from experts and insights (study) with practical application (practice) to deeply integrate wisdom into your mind and body. This deliberate symbiosis helps you apply lessons learned and work several parts of the mind at once.
Employ fierce self-compassion to protect yourself and others by setting boundaries, speaking up against unfair treatment, and taking action against harm or injustice. This ‘mama bear’ energy empowers you to say ’that’s not okay’ when needed.
Actively provide for your own needs, even if it means saying no to others, by taking time for self-care, pursuing personal interests, or managing work commitments. This form of fierce self-compassion ensures you don’t subordinate your needs to others.
Leverage fierce self-compassion for motivation by accepting yourself unconditionally as a person, which empowers you to change behaviors, work harder, and achieve goals without self-shame. Unconditional self-acceptance provides a baseline for growth and improvement.
Use the Fierce Self-Compassion Break to protect yourself: first, clearly identify harm or boundary violations; second, remember you’re not alone to feel empowered; and third, evoke bravery with a physical gesture (e.g., fist on heart) and a commitment to protect yourself, integrating this with tenderness. This short practice helps you embody fierce energy in the moment.
Apply the Fierce Self-Compassion Break for providing: mindfully identify your authentic needs, then find a balanced way to meet them that considers others without sacrificing yourself, and finally honor your need for fulfillment. This helps you authentically care for yourself while maintaining balance.
Utilize the Fierce Self-Compassion Break for motivation: gain a clear vision of what went wrong and what you want to achieve, learn from failures with wisdom (common humanity), and then encourage yourself to make changes and grow (kindness). This process fosters learning and growth without self-criticism.
Always integrate fierce energy with tenderness to prevent hostility or aggression, ensuring that strength and power are balanced with self-acceptance and love. This integration is key to remaining strong and powerful without causing harm.
Channel anger constructively by aiming it at changing harmful situations or behaviors, not at individuals, to focus energy, reduce fear, and communicate that something is wrong. Constructive anger is a useful protective function that alleviates suffering.
Practice self-compassion to gain the resources needed to sustain care for others and prevent burnout, especially in caregiving professions. Including yourself in the circle of compassion provides the necessary resources to continue giving to others.
Cultivate self-compassion to improve your relationships, increase your capacity for forgiveness, and enhance your ability to take others’ perspectives. Self-compassion provides resources that positively impact interpersonal interactions.
Actively question your reactions to women displaying fierceness by considering if you would judge a man similarly, helping to uncover and counteract unconscious gender biases. This awareness allows you to accept women’s fierceness with more compassion.
When recognizing your own biases (e.g., racial, gender), approach this realization with tender self-compassion, accepting your imperfections without shame to foster clearer self-awareness. This self-acceptance allows you to see biases clearly without harsh self-judgment.
After acknowledging your biases, commit to actively questioning your reactions and perceptions to reduce their influence on your behavior and judgments. This proactive step helps you not be so influenced by unconscious biases.
Be brave and willing to speak up against sexist or racist comments or behaviors in your environment, even if it’s uncomfortable, to promote social justice. This willingness to speak up is crucial for things to change.
When you make a mistake or act in a way that is too blunt or harmful, apologize, own your actions, and try to repair the situation as quickly as possible. This immediate response helps rebalance and mend relationships.
Avoid shaming yourself for feeling anger, recognizing that it can have constructive functions like reducing fear and providing courage. Instead, learn to harness this power source skillfully.