Learn simple communication practices, such as chunking information and reflective listening, as changing how you communicate can profoundly impact your internal state and relationships.
Briefly and in your own words, repeat back what someone has communicated to you to make them feel seen and heard, which is a fundamental human desire.
When speaking, provide information in short “chunks” of a couple of sentences at a time, then check for understanding by asking, “Does that make sense?” or “Are you with me?”
Engage in preliminary self-inquiry to understand your own challenges and patterns before rushing into relationships, as most wounds are relational and knowing your “mess” is crucial.
Develop a non-judgmental, mindful awareness of your consciousness to see your patterns with friendliness, reducing their control over you and improving how you relate to others.
Take responsibility for understanding and addressing your relational wounds and patterns, ideally through both meditation practice and therapy, to prevent them from negatively impacting your relationships.
Through practice, become more aware of your inner workings (e.g., introversion/extroversion, compulsions, thoughts) to gain more choice in how you show up in relationships.
Use self-awareness to articulate your relational needs, boundaries, likes, and dislikes, making it easier to engage in healthy relationships.
Be vulnerable and brave enough to ask someone out for a coffee date, understanding that potential rejection won’t “wreck” you, as this inner strength is needed for deeper connections.
When being vulnerable, share experiences from a place of healing and learning (“scars”), rather than from active pain or unresolved issues (“wounds”), to avoid oversharing or “pussing all over other people.”
Be willing to engage in difficult conversations and “rough stones rubbing up against each other,” as encountering and working through conflict can deepen friendships and lead to personal growth.
Understand that not all relationships need to be continued; for your health, set very clear boundaries or end relationships where you don’t feel safe or comfortable.
Become part of meditation practice communities where you can be honest and vulnerable about your experiences, expanding who you can be in a safe space.
Volunteer for an organization you care about, as it’s a great way to meet other people who share common interests, and the act itself is ennobling.
During tumultuous times, don’t face challenges alone; make it a “team sport” by sharing your worries with friends, as it’s never been more relevant to “never worry alone.”
Examine the intention behind people-pleasing, recognizing if it stems from a “grasping quality” to fill a personal void rather than true generosity, and first give to yourself what you may be missing.
In a safe way, make your personal “neuroses” or unique wirings public to trusted friends, allowing them to understand and support you.
When engaging in difficult conversations, especially about belief systems, never try to change someone’s mind, as this approach is unlikely to be successful and can trigger defensiveness.
In disagreements, describe your own beliefs and perspectives rather than characterizing or attacking the other person’s views, to keep the conversation constructive.
In difficult conversations, especially political ones, strive for “accurate disagreement,” meaning to understand the other person’s position clearly, even if you don’t agree with it.
In reflective listening, go beyond just repeating what was said and try to reflect the other person’s implicit positive intention (e.g., safety, belonging), using tentative language like “maybe” or “perhaps.”
When you inevitably “screw up” while experimenting with new relational or communication skills, practice self-compassion and give yourself a break.
Avoid mistaking parasocial or social media connections for genuine relationships; true friendships often deepen when people meet in real life and share authentically.
Implement small, practical habits like putting your phone away two hours before bed, not bringing it to meals, and meditating regularly to maintain self-awareness and sanity with technology.
Make a conscious effort to create “IRL” (in real life) relationships, especially in an age where digital interactions can degrade social connection and hygiene.
While seated meditation is beneficial, aim to be interested in practicing mindfulness every day, whether “on the cushion, whether that’s in movement, whether that’s in relationship.”
Maintain a regular, simple seated meditation practice, as it is a “great medicine” and a reliable way to gain self-awareness and avoid self-deception.
Know what helps you build habits (e.g., self-discipline, accountability, structures, partners, classes) and utilize those methods to establish practices like meditation.
When evaluating relationships, prioritize whether the other person is interested in learning about themselves, open to feedback, and willing to explore “mystery” and growth together, regardless of shared spiritual practice.
Develop a variety of platonic friendships to supplement your main relationships, as relying on one person for everything can lead to disappointment and a happy marriage often depends on such supplementary connections.