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Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche, 'The Lost Art of Good Conversation'

Nov 29, 2017 35m 24s 11 insights
Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche, the head of the Shambhala Buddhist lineage and Shambhala International, has a new book out called, "The Lost Art of Good Conversation: A Mindful Way to Connect with Others and Enrich Everyday Life" -- poignant for this time of deep divisions in the U.S. and abroad. Born in Bodhagaya, India but bought up in the West, Sakyong Mipham who talks about how conversation is powerful because it begins with recognizing that "there's another person" with you, and he says, as a married father of three, getting frustrated with your kids is just "part of the path."
Actionable Insights

1. Acknowledge Others’ Basic Dignity

In every interaction, bravely acknowledge the basic dignity of the other person, recognizing their inherent worth. This fundamental human-to-human recognition is a powerful step towards shifting the world’s energy and fostering connection.

2. Regard Humanity as Good

Approach life with the view that humanity is basically good, seeing each person as complete and possessing innate dignity and healthiness. This mindset helps in relating constructively to your own mind and others.

3. Apply Mindfulness to Daily Interactions

Extend the principles of friendliness, attention, care, presence, and dignity learned in meditation to daily activities, especially conversations. This helps improve interpersonal relationships and fosters human connectivity.

4. Be Present in Conversations

Consciously acknowledge the other person’s existence by being fully present in the moment during conversations. This simple act of presence respects basic human connectivity and doesn’t require having all the right answers.

5. Cultivate Curiosity and Patience

Approach conversations with genuine curiosity about the other person and patience to truly listen, avoiding projections or assumptions. This allows for learning, growth, and deeper engagement.

6. Use Speech to Uplift

Recognize the power of your speech and tone to either uplift or diminish others. Choose to communicate in a way that respects and uplifts, understanding that words have lasting effects and shape the atmosphere.

7. Break Negative Speech Chains

Be mindful that negative speech creates a chain reaction of negative mental energy. If you find yourself critiquing frequently, consciously add compliments or uplift the situation to break this cycle.

8. Live with Intention

Apply mindfulness to challenging interactions by being present, allowing you to influence the future rather than reacting impulsively. Act with intention and integrity to shape your environment going forward.

9. Relax Conversational Expectations

Realize that not every conversation, especially with loved ones, needs a specific point or outcome. Relax and simply be present as a human being, allowing the interaction to be about connection.

10. Guide Children with Presence

Treat children as human beings by slowing down to understand their experience and providing space for them. Guide them by carefully choosing your words and being present as they navigate situations.

11. Practice Non-Aggressive Warriorship

Live with bravery by engaging with life’s challenges directly, rather than running away or hiding. This involves bringing a non-aggressive warrior spirit into how you face what is happening.