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RuPaul On: Surviving Your Family, Overcoming Addiction, And How To Have Fun (Including "Dirty Charades")

Jul 3, 2024 1h 21m 44 insights
<p><em>New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers.</em></p> <p>---</p> <p>The Queen of Drag discusses his new memoir, <em>The House of Hidden Meanings</em>, and makes Dan play an R-rated game.</p> <p><br /></p> <p>RuPaul Charles became famous in 1993 with the song "Supermodel." Since then, he's put out 18 albums, he's been in more than 50 films and TV shows, including his global hit, "RuPaul's Drag Race." He's put out four books, including his latest, the number one <em>New York Times</em> best seller <em>The House of Hidden Meanings</em>. He's won fourteen Primetime Emmy Awards, and he won a Tony in 2022 for producing the Broadway show <em>A Strange Loop. </em></p> <p><br /></p> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>In this episode we talk about:</strong></p> <ul> <li>His daily spiritual practices</li> <li>Talking to his inner child</li> <li>The challenging family he grew up in</li> <li>His incredible business idea for a daytime disco for the over-40 set</li> <li>His definition of wealth, and why he says he's always been rich, even when he had no money</li> <li>And he ropes Dan into a game of Dirty Charades – which gets a little spicy, so heads-up if you're listening with kids around or have sensitive ears</li> </ul> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>Other resources mentioned: </strong></p> <ul> <li>RuPaul's <a href="https://allstora.com" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Allstora book shop</a> and <a href="https://allstora.com/pages/rupauls-bookclub" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">book club</a></li> <li><a href="https://bookshop.org/p/books/toxic-parents-overcoming-their-hurtful-legacy-and-reclaiming-your-life-susan-forward/16624468?ean=9780553381405" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life by Dr. Susan Forward with Craig Buck</a></li> </ul> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>Related Episodes:</strong></p> <p><a href="https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/brett-eldredge-293" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">A Star, Utterly Unguarded | Brett Eldredge</a></p> <p><a href="https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/lindsay-gibson-497" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">How to Deal With Emotionally Immature People (Including Maybe Your Own Parents) | Lindsay C. Gibson</a></p> <p><a href="https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/jeff-warren-421" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">There's No Part Of Your Life You Can't Make More Awesome | Jeff Warren</a></p> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>Sign up for Dan's weekly newsletter</strong> <a href="https://bit.ly/3QtGRqJ" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>here</strong></a></p> <p><strong>Follow Dan on social:</strong> <a href="https://bit.ly/3tGigG5" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Instagram</strong></a><strong>,</strong> <a href="https://bit.ly/3FOA84J" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>TikTok</strong></a></p> <p><strong>Ten Percent Happier online</strong> <a href="https://bit.ly/46TZglY" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>bookstore</strong></a></p> <p><strong>Subscribe to our</strong> <a href="https://bit.ly/3FybRzD" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>YouTube Channel</strong></a></p> <p><strong>Our favorite playlists on:</strong> <a href="https://spoti.fi/3Qa8kMT" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Anxiety</strong></a><strong>,</strong> <a href="https://spoti.fi/3MjtMxF" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Sleep</strong></a><strong>,</strong> <a href="https://spoti.fi/3QvyA5J" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Relationships</strong></a><strong>,</strong> <a href="https://spoti.fi/3QxZASc" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Most Popular Episodes</strong></a></p> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>Full Shownotes:</strong> <a href="https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/rupaul-2024" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/rupaul-2024</a></p> <p><br /></p>
Actionable Insights

1. Reparent Inner Child with Love

Place a picture of your younger self on your phone to remind yourself of the sweet, kind heart you are caring for, as how you treat your inner child directly reflects how you treat others.

2. Take Sole Responsibility for Inner Child

Recognize that your inner child only wants attention and care from one person: you. Do not try to pawn this responsibility off on others.

3. Have Honest Dialogue with Inner Child

Engage in frank, honest, and trustful conversations with your inner child, bringing them up to speed on past events and reassuring them that the adult you will take care of them, and that past hurts weren’t personal.

4. Release Victimhood Identity

Be willing to let go of the identity you’ve created around past victimhood, as this is the ‘real work’ that alleviates significant emotional weight and baggage.

5. Clear Space for New Self-Perception

Actively clear out emotional baggage and old identities from your consciousness to create space for a new, more positive way of seeing yourself and moving forward.

6. Uncover Hidden Payoffs of Habits

Use ‘x-ray eyes’ or a ‘Google Earth button’ perspective to dissect negative habits and identities, identifying the deeper stories and hidden ‘payoffs’ (like the rush of procrastination or justification of bad behavior) that keep them in place, then be willing to let go of those payoffs.

7. Shift Motivation to Intrinsic Joy

Redirect your motivation from seeking external validation (e.g., parental attention or idol worship) to intrinsic sources of joy such as colors, music, laughter, and dancing.

8. Prioritize Fun and Self-Entertainment

Make having fun and entertaining yourself a priority, as this intrinsic motivation is essential for your well-being and can bring joy to others.

9. Embrace Irreverence and Inner Goofiness

Conjure and embrace the irreverent, goofy, and funny child within you as a freeing mantra to remind yourself not to take life too seriously.

10. Dance Without Judgment to Unlock Spirit

Engage in dancing freely without self-judgment, as it unlocks your spirit and inner child, and judging your dance is a reflection of judging your inner self.

11. Cultivate Inner Wealth via Imagination

Recognize that true wealth comes from the ability to create magic and find beauty through imagination, books, and appreciating life’s gifts, regardless of financial status.

12. Choose Your Reality and Focus

Consciously decide what is real and what to focus on, as your choice determines whether you experience joy or pain, and life will manifest according to your chosen perception.

13. Use ‘Google Earth’ Perspective

Approach situations with ‘x-ray eyes’ or a ‘Google Earth picture’ perspective to understand the underlying mechanics and relationships, seeking the truth beneath the surface.

14. Embrace Coexistence of Paradoxes

Recognize that seemingly contradictory ideas, like fantasy and reality or performance and truth, can coexist simultaneously, which is a key secret to understanding life.

15. Practice Present Moment Consciousness

Prioritize being conscious in the present moment, as this awareness enables you to navigate life’s complexities and recognize coexisting truths.

16. Life is a Temporary Performance

Adopt the mindset that life is a temporary performance, not to be taken too seriously or deeply hurt by, as it passes quickly like a costume.

17. Laugh at Life’s Absurdity

Cultivate an irreverent and funny mindset to make fun of everything, as a way to deal with the perceived absurdity and illusion of society.

18. Use Laughter to Cope with Difficulty

Employ laughter as a coping mechanism to deal with difficult or ‘daytime nightmare’ situations, as it can alleviate pressure and provide a sense of perspective.

19. Reset Emotional State Consciously

Learn to consciously ‘reset your emotional reboot’ throughout the day to navigate your malleable consciousness and shift your emotional trajectory.

20. Morning Routine: Stretch, Pray, Grateful

Start your day by stretching, then praying with gratitude to disarm your ego early and acknowledge the beauty of your life.

21. Meditate on Life’s Journey

Practice meditation by recalling your earliest memory and then fast-forwarding through your life’s significant moments up to the present, fostering gratitude and alignment with the current moment.

22. Meditate by Imagining Death

During meditation, imagine you are dead or no longer present to disarm the ego and access a sense of vastness and perspective.

23. Use Meditation for Self-Awareness

Practice meditation to gain self-awareness, recognize repetitive patterns in your behavior, and then make conscious changes.

24. Fortify Spiritual Life

Acknowledge the presence of your ‘dark passenger’ (ego/darkness) but actively fortify and strengthen your spiritual life through practices to maintain equilibrium and remember your true self.

25. Utilize 12-Step Programs

Engage in 12-step programs to learn how to process difficult emotions, especially if you’ve used substances as a coping mechanism in the past.

26. Use Therapy to Reframe Trauma

Engage in long-term therapy to revisit childhood traumas and, with perspective, reframe painful experiences by understanding they often weren’t personal, thereby alleviating the emotional burden.

27. All Paths Lead to Inner Child

Understand that various spiritual or therapeutic paths ultimately lead to connecting with and healing the inner child, which is the core of personal growth.

28. Cultivate Compassion for Others

When interacting with others, try to see them as their vulnerable inner child, which can foster compassion and understanding for their outward projections and behaviors.

29. Combat Unconsciousness and Ignorance

Be aware of and actively combat unconsciousness and ignorance, which are described as a ’thought disease’ prevalent in the world.

30. Start Personal Revolution from Within

Understand that true revolution begins within yourself through practices like meditation and self-love, and this internal shift will positively impact the world.

31. Embrace Life as a Co-Creator

See yourself as a co-creator and an extension of the universe’s power, with a role to fully experience humanity, ‘get in there and eff it up,’ and challenge the status quo.

32. Branch Out and Try New Things

Branch out and try new things, especially those outside of societal expectations, to discover new aspects of yourself and be of service to your own being.

33. Remove Idols from Pedestals

Re-examine your relationship with idols, taking them off pedestals to become self-propelling and find intrinsic motivation rather than external inspiration.

34. Prioritize Laughter and Kindness

Value laughter and kindness as the most important things in life, recognizing their profound impact on well-being and interaction.

35. Work with Friends for Enjoyment

Seek opportunities to work with friends, as this can enhance enjoyment and motivation in your professional life.

36. Connect with Music to Access Spirit

Engage with music that conjures your spirit and reminds you of your past, as it serves as a channel to connect with your inner child, finding sanctuary and peace.

37. Cultivate Gratitude Through Perspective

Recognize that a ‘miracle is a change in perception’ and use difficult experiences (like illness) to shift your perspective and cultivate gratitude for your blessings.

38. Define Love by Respect, Trust

Understand that real, sustainable love is built on respect, trust, and kindness, rather than just fleeting romantic ecstasy.

39. Create Your Own Fun and Dance

Actively create opportunities for fun, like setting up a personal roller disco in an empty parking garage, to bring joy into your life.

40. Engage in Creative Movement

Actively engage in activities like dancing, singing, and skating to get in touch with your emotions and spirit, especially when feeling shut down.

41. Trust the Process and Allow Flow

Trust the natural flow of events and allow the process to guide you, even when you have an outline or intention, rather than rigidly adhering to a plan.

42. Self-Reassure with Unconditional Love

When facing anxiety or nervousness, reassure your inner child with unconditional love, imagining a supportive figure who will love and laugh at everything you do, allowing you to perform freely.

43. Clear Mental Clutter for Fulfillment

Clear out anxiety, insecurity, and other mental ‘crap’ from your consciousness to create bandwidth for receiving blessings and living a more fulfilled life.

44. Gain Perspective by Changing Mindset

Change your perspective and mindset to gain a clearer view of situations, implying a shift from self-absorption or stubbornness.