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Rethinking Your Relationship to 'Stuff' | The Minimalists + Oren Jay Sofer

Jul 5, 2021 1h 5m 25 insights
We've been meaning to tackle our relationship to 'stuff' for a while now. This subject can go deep. It's not just about decluttering (although that can actually be pretty substantial work); it's about rethinking your whole life.  Recently we spoke to a pair of gentlemen known as The Minimalists -- whose names are Joshua Fields Milburn and Ryan Nicodemus. They're perhaps best known for their documentaries on Netflix: "Minimalism" and "Less is Now". They also have a very popular podcast and have written a series of books. Their latest book, "Love People, Use Things", comes out this month. In this episode, we talk about their powerful and painful personal path to Minimalism; the freedom that they say comes from living with less; how to actually do Minimalism; and the pitfalls of the path.  And as a bonus pairing, we've brought back a Ten Percent Happier favorite, Oren Jay Sofer. Oren is a renowned Buddhist teacher who has been meditating for nearly a quarter of a century. As part of his training he spent over two years living with less as a Buddhist renunciate, and he makes a compelling case for bringing minimalism into the mindfulness practice, and for letting go. For more from Oren and other great meditation teachers, download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install. Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/the-minimalists-oren-sofer-362
Actionable Insights

1. Understand Your Why for Less

Begin your minimalism journey by asking yourself how your life might improve with less, as this clarifies your personal ‘why’ and helps the ‘how’ take care of itself.

2. Prioritize People, Use Things

Remember to love people and use things, rather than loving things and using people, as this reverses a common societal tendency and guides your values.

3. Address Internal Clutter First

Engage in external decluttering as a catalyst to address and resolve internal clutter, such as mental burdens, emotional attachments, or toxic relationships.

4. Cultivate Contentment: ‘I Have Enough’

Regularly reflect on the phrase ‘I have enough,’ noticing resistance and finding moments (e.g., a breath, a sip of water) where you genuinely feel sufficient in the present.

5. Investigate Desire Mindfully

Observe the arising of craving and desire (e.g., an itch) and the impulse to satisfy it, without judgment, to understand its mechanics and gain agency over which impulses to follow.

6. Practice ‘Open Palm’ Intimacy

Engage in relationships with ‘open palm’ intimacy, loving and supporting others without possessive attachment or conditions, allowing for true connection without holding on tightly.

7. Identify True Priorities by Time

Determine your actual priorities by observing how you spend your time and energy, rather than relying on stated ’lip service priorities.’

8. Set Boundaries for Well-being

Establish clear boundaries in your professional and personal life, such as defining work communication hours, to protect personal time and enhance well-being.

9. Continuously Question Possessions

Regularly evaluate every possession you own and new items you consider bringing into your life, keeping only what serves a purpose, increases tranquility, or enhances your experience.

10. Make Deliberate Consumption Choices

Approach consumption and entertainment deliberately, making conscious decisions that align with what is truly best for your life, rather than stopping entirely.

11. The Packing Party Protocol

Pack all your belongings as if moving, then unpack only what you need over three weeks; this extreme method reveals true priorities and excess possessions. If too extreme, start with one room and ensure all family members are on board.

12. The 30-Day Decluttering Challenge

Partner with someone to progressively declutter: one item on day one, two on day two, and so on, for 30 days, to build momentum and remove approximately 500 items.

13. Experiment with Voluntary Simplicity

Choose to refrain from a specific substance or experience (e.g., music, alcohol) for a set period (a week or month) to investigate your relationship with it and observe internal experiences.

14. Perform the ‘Box Experiment’

Pack away items you’re unsure about into a box, store it for a month, and then re-evaluate if you truly needed or missed those items.

15. Avoid Equating ‘Busy’ with ‘Good’

Recognize that constant busyness often indicates a lack of control and a need for simplification, rather than a sign of productivity or success.

16. Approach Change Gradually

Undertake significant life changes like minimalism or renunciation through a gradual process, developing a ’taste for letting go’ through small steps and observing the benefits.

17. Acknowledge Pleasure, Avoid Addiction

Understand pleasure by acknowledging its gratification, investigating its limits and dangers (e.g., impermanence, addiction), and then seeking freedom from the cycle of chasing it.

18. Avoid Self-Mortification

Do not pursue simplicity through self-mortification, denial, or repression; instead, acknowledge pleasure without attachment, rather than suppressing it.

19. Let Go of Convincing Others

Release the ego-driven impulse to give unsolicited advice or convince others; instead, simply speak your truth and allow others to find value in it without attachment to their acceptance.

20. Seek Freedom in the Present

Find freedom and peace in the awareness of the present moment, rather than in past achievements or future aspirations.

21. Shift Focus to Awareness

Move your attention from the transient ‘actors and props’ (thoughts, desires, external events) on the mind’s ‘stage’ to the underlying awareness of the ‘stage’ itself, to find freedom from being consumed by mental content.

22. Recognize Craving Leads to Dissatisfaction

Understand that a constant craving for more (e.g., cash, clout, cars) leads to perpetual dissatisfaction and misery, as you will never have enough.

23. Avoid Chasing Hypothetical Futures

Do not chase results tied to replicating the past or a hypothetical, non-existent future, as this leads to suffering and prevents uncovering peace in the present.

24. Examine Pleasure to Prevent Addiction

Examine your relationship with pleasure to avoid reinforcing an addictive pattern of satisfying desires, which ultimately cannot fill a deeper void.

25. Regularly Ask ‘What’s Enough?’

Sincerely and regularly ask yourself ‘What’s enough?’ regarding your consumption and needs, especially considering its global impact, to guide changes in your lifestyle.