Resisting What You Don't Want To Feel Just Makes It Worse. Here's A Different Strategy. | Ofosu Jones-Quartey and Cara Lai

1. Cultivate Equanimity

Practice equanimity, which means being okay with whatever you’re feeling, to enable a wiser response to any situation rather than resignation.

2. Embrace Acceptance, Release Struggle

Practice acceptance, which is the opposite of suffering, by recognizing what you do and don’t have control over and putting down the struggle against things you cannot change.

3. Identify Root Poisons

Learn to identify greed (wanting more of what’s pleasant), aversion (resisting what’s unpleasant), and delusion (detaching from the present moment) in your own mind as roots of suffering.

4. Mindfully Observe Three Poisons

Be mindful of the three root poisons (greed, aversion/hatred, and delusion) in your own mind to handle them in a more sophisticated and supple way.

5. Release Clinging to Opinions

Find freedom by not clinging to your opinions and by embracing the state of ’not knowing’ rather than seeking false certainty.

6. Practice Intentional Not-Knowing

Intentionally practice ’not knowing’ by questioning your certainty, admitting when you lack answers, and connecting with feelings of fear or helplessness, which can open pathways to connect with others.

7. Loosen Grip on Fixed Views

Loosen your grip on fixed ideas and views, as attachment to them can sow the seeds of fanaticism, violence, and oppression, hindering respectful interaction with others.

8. Address Underlying Vulnerability

Recognize that strong views often provide a false sense of safety; instead, connect with the underlying feelings of instability, uncertainty, or helplessness that trigger these views, and meet them with care and compassion.

9. Tend to Your Own Reactions

Take care of yourself by tending to your internal reactions and identifying aversion when triggered by external events, rather than waiting for others to change for your well-being.

10. Curiosity in Disagreement

When engaging with someone you disagree with, practice acceptance instead of resistance to open up space for genuine curiosity about their thinking and how their beliefs provide them a sense of safety.

11. Practice Compassion Despite Opposition

Even when fundamentally opposed to others, practice compassion and respect by recognizing that they, like you, are easily influenced by greed, hatred, and delusion.

12. Cultivate Humility, Reduce Othering

Recognize your own habit energy fueled by greed, hatred, and delusion to cultivate humility, which helps prevent identifying others as enemies and levels the playing field for mutual respect.

13. Cool Internal Conflict

Cool down your internal temperature and responses to others by recognizing that conflict often stems from the three poisons operating within yourself, making it a collective work to uproot them.

14. Free Energy Through Acceptance

Putting down the struggle of resistance frees up energy to relax, enjoy the moment, and engage in impactful, forward-leading actions in the world.

15. Make Mature Choices Mindfully

Employ mindfulness to cultivate a more mature outlook, enabling you to resist immediate gratification (like a fourth breakfast taco) that you know will lead to negative feelings later.

16. Observe Transient Experiences

In meditation and daily life, observe the transient nature of both positive and negative experiences, recognizing that states constantly change and no single one represents the ultimate truth.

17. Manage Expectations in Practice

Understand that emotional patterns and difficulties take time to transform and may recur, indicating more layers to explore or continued capacity building, rather than a failure of your practice.

18. Process Difficult Feelings Gradually

When difficult feelings arise in meditation, name them, then shift to a neutral anchor, and gradually return to explore the feeling’s physical sensation, staying with it a little longer to build tolerance.

19. Transform Feelings with Mindfulness

Apply mindfulness to difficult emotions like anxiety, sadness, or anger by giving them attention and allowing them to be seen and felt, which can transform and heal them over time.

20. Observe Pre-Thought Numbing

During meditation, pay close attention to the moments just before your mind gets lost in thought or detaches from the present, to identify any unpleasant feelings you might be unconsciously trying to numb or avoid.

21. Normalize Meditation Discomfort

Understand that feeling discomfort when reconnecting with the present moment during meditation is normal and not a sign of doing it wrong, as it often means you are encountering feelings you previously numbed.

22. Protect Peace on Social Media

Protect your peace of mind on social media by developing the fortitude to scroll past, engage less, or use mute/snooze/block features when encountering offensive or disagreeable content, rather than reacting impulsively.

23. Beware View-Based Validation

Be aware of the impulse to engage with triggering content to feel validated or ‘right,’ as this hardens you against others and makes you less open to alternative perspectives.

24. Acknowledge Life’s Full Spectrum

Counter numbing by remembering that the world is not solely negative; acknowledge the presence of beauty, wonder, and the mundane to draw resources from the totality of life’s experiences.

25. Gradually Engage with Pain

When experiencing pain, gently shift your attention to less intense or neutral areas, then gradually touch back into the pain to the extent you are able, building your capacity to be with it.

26. Resource Before Activism

Before engaging in activism, pause and resource yourself by acknowledging what is okay, otherwise your actions may be fueled by pain and perpetuate the very resistance you aim to fight.

27. Redefine Activism as Inner Work

Redefine activism to include self-care and inner work, such as understanding how greed, aversion, and delusion operate in your own heart and mind, recognizing these as forms of peace work.

28. Find Your Unique Activism

Recognize your unique temperament and gifts, and find ways to contribute to activism that resonate with your personal style, such as ‘quiet work,’ rather than feeling pressured to conform to more outwardly ‘yang’ forms.

29. Intentions Drive Activism

Focus on the intention behind your actions in activism, recognizing that the impact comes more from the place it originates (e.g., peace, wisdom) than the specific action itself.

30. Cultivate Inner Non-Violence

Cultivate non-violence towards yourself and others in your daily interactions, recognizing that this personal practice is foundational for creating a non-violent world.

31. Cultivate Inner Peace for World

Recognize that cultivating peace within yourself, even through quiet practices, is a significant contribution to world peace, and your efforts are not minimal, regardless of their outward appearance.

32. Dedicate Practice to All Beings

Dedicate the merit of your meditation practice to the happiness and liberation of all beings, understanding that your personal practice extends beyond yourself and contributes to collective well-being.

33. Small Acts Alleviate Suffering

Make small, consistent dedications towards alleviating suffering in your own mind and body, and in your immediate environment, as these ripple effects contribute to a happier and safer world.

34. Release Troubles Before Home

Practice symbolically releasing your daily troubles before returning home, as exemplified by the bus driver, to prevent carrying negative energy into your personal life and relationships.

35. Activism Through Joy

Engage in forms of activism or contribution that genuinely bring you joy and a sense of purpose, recognizing that your unique path to positive impact is valid.

36. Action Absorbs Anxiety

Take action, even in small or unconventional ways like meditating or a kind gesture, as engaging can help absorb and reduce anxiety.

37. Address Attention Needs

Recognize that ’negative attention seeking’ or annoying behavior often stems from an underlying need for attention, and address this need with self-compassion.

38. Recognize View Attachment Roots

Understand that attachment to your own views (believing yours is the only right one, others are wrong, or only your tribe’s perspective is valid) is an extension of greed, aversion, and delusion.