Commit to putting other people’s needs ahead of your own, seeing self-improvement as a vehicle to better serve others. This practice helps deal with difficult people, set boundaries, and cultivate a general sense of okayness.
To find sanity and non-aggression, intimately familiarize yourself with your own internal ‘insanity’ and aggression, rather than trying to get rid of it. By embracing these aspects with tenderness, genuine insight and freedom can emerge.
Recognize that your personal freedom and healing are interdependent with the well-being of all others. Ignoring suffering hardens your own heart, thus true freedom involves addressing the root causes of injustice and extending compassion.
Understand that putting others’ interests first, while not your primary intention, leads to significant personal benefits. This ‘positive selfishness’ creates an interdependent upward spiral where your well-being positively impacts your relationships.
View personal growth and self-work as essential for your ability to help other people effectively. The less reactive, resentful, or critical you are, the greater your capacity to benefit those around you.
When on the verge of reacting negatively, pause by not speaking or acting, creating space to physically connect with your internal experience. Approach your feelings with a friendly, tender attitude of okayness, avoiding self-criticism.
When provoked, focus on feeling your emotions in your body, using deep breaths to own and relax into the sensation. While doing this, maintain presence with the other person by looking and listening, allowing them to feel heard.
Take responsibility for your reactions in tense situations by sitting with your own explosive feelings and actively listening to the other person. This approach aims to prevent escalating conflict and instead fosters genuine communication.
When triggered by irritating people, use your commitment (vow) to keep your mind and heart open, seeking to connect with their basic goodness. This approach aims to help them connect with the best in themselves and prevents escalating negativity.
Set your intentions every morning and review them in the evening, practicing self-compassion if you fall short. For stronger reinforcement, consider setting an hourly reminder to reset your intention, thereby opening new neural pathways and weakening old habits.
Do not allow people to walk all over you, as this harms both them and yourself by bringing out their worst. Instead of retaliating, remain present, open, and curious, which disarms aggression and prevents you from being a doormat.
When engaging in activism or seeking to bring about change, ensure your motivation stems from caring, compassion, and altruism. This approach is more effective in achieving desired outcomes than acting from fear, anger, or hatred.
Each morning, set a personal intention to do your best not to cause harm and to be helpful when possible. If you fail, practice self-compassion, viewing it as a learning opportunity rather than a reason for self-criticism.
Approach your spiritual or personal growth practices with a sense of humor, especially when you ‘blow it.’ This prevents gloominess and self-criticism, allowing for unexpected openings and shifts in dynamic.
When taking a grand vow or setting a vast intention, embrace its ‘mission impossible’ nature to relax and be humbled. This perspective allows you to focus on doing your best incrementally, rather than being discouraged by the sheer scale of the goal.
Distinguish between anger, which can be an appropriate response to specific actions, and hatred, which is a holistic condemnation of a person. It is wise to condemn specific actions you disagree with, but avoid condemning the entire individual.