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Paul Gilmartin, The Battles in Our Heads, Uncensored

May 16, 2018 58m 24s 18 insights
Comedian Paul Gilmartin was the host of TV's "Dinner and a Movie" for 16 years, but smiling and acting happy on-screen often "felt like lifting 500 pounds," he said, as he struggled behind the scenes with depression and even contemplated suicide. When the show ended, Gilmartin launched "The Mental Illness Happy Hour" podcast, which he said has been a valuable outlet that allowed him to work through his claims of being sexually abused by his mother and helping others with their own personal struggles.
Actionable Insights

1. Prioritize Meaning and Purpose

Recognize that finding meaning and purpose, especially through helping others, is as crucial for mental well-being as medication, exercise, support groups, meditation, and boundaries. This pursuit can bring a profound sense of peace that external success often fails to deliver.

2. Establish Consistent Mental Health Regimen

Develop a daily regimen of practices like medication, meditation, and support groups to achieve functionality and peace. With consistent practice, these become ingrained routines, requiring less conscious effort.

3. Value Tough Meditation Sessions

Don’t get hung up on perceiving “good” versus “bad” meditation sits; tough, distracted sessions are like intense workouts that train you for unpredictable life. Practice consistently on all days, calm or stressful, to become better at life, not just a great meditator.

4. See Feelings Clearly

The goal of meditation is not to achieve a special state, but to consistently improve your ability to see your feelings clearly. This practice helps prevent your emotions from controlling you like a puppeteer.

5. Meditate for Self-Reflection

Employ meditation to differentiate between healthy self-reflection and destructive self-obsession, recognizing that obsessing about life’s quality degrades it. By observing wandering thoughts and gently returning to your anchor, you can identify underlying anxieties and fears, fostering deeper self-investigation.

6. Practice TM for Presence

Engage in Transcendental Meditation (TM) by repeating a meaningless mantra for 20 minutes, ideally twice a day, in a quiet place. This practice can foster presence and relaxation, transforming mundane tasks into enjoyable parts of life, and remember there’s “no bad meditation.”

7. Explore Diverse Meditation Practices

Recognize that the mind is trainable through various meditation types. Begin by finding one that suits you, establish a firm foundation, and then consider diversifying your practice to broaden your experience.

8. Surrender Control, Follow Peace

Cease obsessing over what your life path “should” look like and surrender to the things you cannot control. Instead, focus on doing what brings you peace, as this feeling serves as a guidepost to your most authentic self.

9. Embrace Difficulties as Gifts

View life’s difficulties as potential “long-term gifts in ugly wrapping paper” that can lead to meaning and purpose. To “open” these gifts, you must seek help, be vulnerable, and connect with others.

10. Apply Coping Tools Universally

The tools developed to survive past difficulties, such as not taking things personally or reframing anger into gratitude, can be universally applied to everyday situations like traffic or work. This transforms challenging experiences into opportunities for ongoing personal growth.

11. Help Others, Help Yourself

Engaging in acts of service or creating platforms to help others, such as sharing your story, can be a powerful catalyst for your own healing and personal growth. The support received in return further aids this process.

12. Share Your Mental Health Story

Share your personal mental health struggles in a raw, uncensored, and relatable way, as the power of hearing similar stories provides comfort and reduces feelings of isolation. This connection helps alleviate anxiety and builds momentum for recovery.

13. Confront Abuse for Healing

To heal from past abuse, confront your experiences and consider sharing your story, as silence can hinder your own recovery and that of others. Owning your narrative can help release shame and transform your identity from victim to survivor.

14. Set Boundaries in Abusive Relationships

Establish clear boundaries, even cutting contact if necessary, with individuals who are harmful or disrespectful, even if you love them. This protects your well-being, as you cannot continue to be “bitten” by their behavior.

15. Overcome Skepticism, Try New Practices

Despite skepticism towards “new agey” practices, be open to trying things like Transcendental Meditation, especially if you see positive changes in others. Paul’s friend’s transformation inspired him to try TM, which proved effective.

16. Sobriety Improves Mental Health

Paul’s sobriety in 2003, driven by suicidal thoughts, allowed his medications to start working, addressing the internal emotional bottom he had reached. Abstaining from alcohol and drugs can create the necessary conditions for other mental health treatments to be effective.

17. Adderall for Treatment-Resistant Depression

If struggling with treatment-resistant depression, discuss Adderall with your psychiatrist, as it can be a “game changer” for some, even for recovering addicts who don’t abuse it. It helped Paul overcome daily fatigue and increased productivity.

18. Direct Suicidal Individuals to Help

If someone expresses suicidal thoughts, acknowledge their pain, state your limitations as a non-professional, and strongly urge them to contact a suicide hotline, therapist, or mental health professional immediately. Reassure them they are not alone and to keep seeking help.