Recognize that communication is a learnable skill, just like happiness or patience, and improving it can positively impact every area of your life, including relationships and work.
Bridge your meditation practice with your daily interactions to ensure the benefits of mindfulness don’t disappear when you engage in conversation, enhancing clarity and awareness.
Cultivate presence in conversations by being aware of your internal state and sensing what’s happening for the other person, preventing you from being ‘yanked around by your thoughts and emotions’.
Become aware of your default intentions in communication (e.g., trying to win or be right) and consciously train yourself to approach conversations from a place of curiosity and care.
Adopt the intention to understand others as the most powerful and transformative approach in communication, as it builds trust and encourages mutual listening.
Direct your attention to four components during conversations: objective observations of what happened, genuine feelings, underlying needs, and clear, actionable requests for moving forward.
Become more aware of your underlying needs and what truly matters to you, as this awareness puts you ‘at choice’ and allows for more conscious behavior rather than just reacting.
View conflict and differences not as something to avoid, but as an opportunity to learn, deepen relationships, and develop the valuable skill of making peace.
Recognize the limits of your influence and practice letting go of the need to control outcomes, understanding that trying to control everything often leads to suffering.
Align your actions and communication with fundamental truths, such as the fact that ‘it feels better not to be a jerk,’ to reduce suffering and enhance well-being.
When someone expresses judgment or criticism, disregard the judgmental language and instead listen for their underlying feelings and unmet needs.
Understand that all judgment is a ‘counterproductive and tragic expression of our unmet needs,’ allowing you to respond with empathy rather than defensiveness.
Train your communication skills in relaxed, everyday conversations (e.g., chit-chat) to build presence, awareness of intentions, and identification of needs before high-stakes situations.
If an interaction is emotionally charged, choose to communicate via phone or in-person rather than email or social media, as online mediums are generally tone-deaf and prone to misunderstanding.
Cultivate the habit of pausing before hitting ‘send’ on emotionally charged online messages, ideally saving the draft and reviewing it the next day to ensure clarity and avoid unintended consequences.
If you are in a position of power, intentionally use communication tools to create an environment where others feel safe and encouraged to dissent and offer their input.
Actively ask for and consider other people’s input in discussions, as this not only leads to better end products but also makes the process more enjoyable and less rigid.
Defuse highly charged situations by reflecting back the other person’s feelings and underlying needs, which helps them feel heard and understood, transforming conflict.
When engaging in a habit, pause and ask yourself what underlying need you are trying to meet (e.g., relaxation, pleasure), then explore healthier ways to satisfy that need.
Participate in everyday ‘chit-chat’ to meet fundamental human needs for healthy social connection, belonging, enjoyment, and ease, which helps soothe your nervous system.
Recognize that conversation is an organic, non-linear process that requires time, listening, pausing, and breathing, allowing you to be at ease with its inherent ‘messiness’.
Consciously choose your words and intentions when communicating online to model values like respect, empathy, and kindness, by taking time to pause and slow down.
Employ simple grounding techniques, such as taking a breath or holding a physical object, to help you stay present and aware during difficult or intense conversations.
Perform a cost-benefit analysis of your communication approach, considering the long-term impact on relationships, trust, and goodwill, rather than just immediate outcomes.
Create conditions in your interactions that allow for spontaneous, genuine giving and contribution, as this is intrinsically rewarding and feels good for everyone involved.
Given two choices that equally meet your needs, naturally select the option that causes less harm to others, as humans are inherently inclined towards empathy.
Engage in dialogue with the goal of ‘accurate disagreement,’ aiming to truly understand others’ perspectives rather than trying to change their minds.
Understand that online communication mediums inherently lack tone and nonverbal cues, making them ’tone deaf’ and highly susceptible to misinterpretation.
If you have practiced meditation for a couple of years and are open about your experience level, it is acceptable to informally guide others in basic meditation instructions.
When teaching meditation, avoid presenting yourself as an all-knowing guru, as this can lead to ego-driven problems and is not aligned with genuine practice.
If you wish to teach meditation in a more formal capacity, pursue certification from established institutions like the Center for Mindfulness, Sounds True, IMS, or Spirit Rock.
Be honest with people, but practice ‘wise speech’ by speaking the truth at the right time and context, especially if you need to protect yourself from past trauma.