Adopt the core intention of curiosity and care in all your conversations, as aiming to understand and connect with others is transformative and helps navigate complicated situations.
In interpersonal relationships, make people feel heard and validated by acknowledging their perspective and feelings, even if you disagree, as this can magically defuse conflict.
Understand that empathizing with someone’s perspective or motivations does not mean you agree with their views or actions; this distinction is crucial for effective communication.
Bring more awareness to your interactions, making conscious choices about what you say, why you say it, and recognizing the power of your words to create something in someone else’s mind.
When someone is speaking, consciously choose to just listen without planning your next response or engaging in other mental tasks, as this act of presence is profoundly impactful.
Recognize that you have a choice to speak, listen, or remain silent; consciously choose silence rather than feeling the need to fill every space, as it’s a fundamental communication tool.
Prepare and memorize a few ‘canned phrases’ (e.g., ‘I’ll get back to you on that,’ ‘I need to think that over’) to create space in high-stress conversations and prevent regretful statements.
Sensitize your nervous system through meditation to recognize when you are getting triggered or activated by someone, allowing you to pause and choose your response instead of reacting automatically.
When you want someone to do something, consider not just the action itself, but also the reasons you want them to do it (e.g., shared values, care), which will change your approach to the conversation.
Aim for genuine, honest, and authentic expression in communication rather than merely being ’nice,’ as niceness can imply pretending and doesn’t genuinely serve anyone.
Access and express your emotions more fully and authentically, but ensure the way you do so is constructive, preventing confrontational or divisive outcomes.
Before speaking, check if your words are: 1) True, 2) Useful, 3) Kind (from goodwill), and 4) Timely, striving to balance these factors for effective and compassionate communication.
Aim for at least 20 minutes of daily meditation, extending to an hour when possible, to cultivate awareness and other beneficial qualities.
Begin your meditation session by consciously allowing your mind and body to shift into a state of non-doing, giving space for the mind to unwind without immediate effort or focus.
Develop the ability to simply feel your body without effort, using the sense of weight and gravity as a baseline ground, as the body is directly and simply present.
For the first 5-10 minutes of meditation, allow your mind to wander and unwind within the frame of feeling your body sitting, rather than immediately trying to control it.
Engage in Metta meditation by systematically sending good wishes (e.g., ‘May you be happy, safe, healthy, live with ease’) to yourself and others, strengthening your capacity for goodwill and warmth.
Use meditation to quietly bring a difficult situation or decision to mind, and then ’listen’ for how different options feel in your body, gaining information beyond intellectual analysis.
Reframe the moment you realize your mind has wandered during meditation as a ‘win,’ because awareness has returned, which is the actual practice of cultivating awareness.
Recognize that the goal of meditation is to observe and understand what’s happening in your mind, not merely to stay focused on an object, which is a tool for clarity.
When self-judgment, frustration, or weariness arise during meditation, get curious about these reactions, notice them, and feel them without adding struggle, as they are feedback indicating an expectation or trying too hard.
Adjust your expectations for meditation outcomes; the effort is not to produce a specific result, but to be present and understand, which can be a counterintuitive paradox.
Direct your meditation effort towards simply being present and understanding what’s happening, rather than striving for a specific outcome or result, which strengthens core qualities.
Engage in the process of turning towards and understanding your experience, as this naturally strengthens qualities like energy, patience, calm, interest, honesty, integrity, care, and kindness.
Set a practical meditation goal to cultivate more awareness, kindness, and to live with integrity by connecting to your values and consistently acting upon them.
Practice meditation consistently by showing up, being honest, and observing your experience, without needing to believe in specific outcomes or mystical concepts, as benefits will unfold.
Approach your practice with an open mind, acknowledging ‘maybe, maybe not’ about potential experiences, and asking ‘why not look?’ to foster curiosity rather than needing certainty.