← 10% Happier with Dan Harris

Optimizing Your Stress | Modupe Akinola

Aug 25, 2021 1h 25 insights
Stress – which many of us despise and try to avoid – does not actually have to be a bad thing. Rather, it's our relationship to stress, our mindset about stress, that determines whether we are helped or harmed by it. Today's guest has the science to back this up and the practical tools to help you transfer her insights from the lab to your life. Modupe Akinola is an Associate Professor of Management at the Columbia Business School and host of the TED Business podcast. She is also one of the featured experts in our Stress Better course in the Ten Percent Happier app. In this conversation, Modupe talks about what she's learned during these extraordinarily stressful last couple of years, what she calls the "stress mindset" (and how to cultivate it), and the vast resources available to us for handling stress (and how to tap them). We also dive into another of Modupe's areas of expertise: how to have productive conversations around the often stressful–but critical–issues of diversity, equity, and inclusion. Get ready for the upcoming Ted Lasso Challenge by downloading the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/modupe-akinola-373
Actionable Insights

1. Cultivate Stress-Enhancing Mindset

Acknowledge, welcome, and actively try to use stress as a resource, understanding that your mindset about stress determines whether its effects are helpful or harmful.

2. Practice Daily Self-Check-in

Dedicate time each morning, even just a few minutes, to be quiet, meditate, and check in with yourself to understand your emotional state and prevent autopilot reactions.

3. Engage Resources During Stress

When feeling overwhelmed by stress and a lack of resources, actively seek and engage both internal (past experience, knowledge) and external (people, support) resources to push through.

4. Prioritize Active Listening

In difficult conversations, especially those involving harm or pain, prioritize active listening and acknowledging others’ experiences over immediately offering solutions or defending yourself.

5. Ask “What Do I Need?”

Regularly ask yourself “What do I need right now?” to cultivate self-awareness, identify your needs, and create the space to meet them, ultimately building capacity to support others.

6. Reframe Physical Stress Signals

When you feel physical signs of stress like a racing heart or sweaty palms, reframe them as your body preparing you to act and perform, rather than as negative symptoms.

7. Counter Negative Self-Talk

Practice noticing negative thoughts as they arise and consciously counter-program them by reminding yourself of past successes or a balanced, positive perspective.

8. Set Boundaries for Support

Recognize and set boundaries for when you have the capacity to be a resource for others, ensuring you’ve met your own needs first to avoid resentment or burnout.

9. Seek Exclusion/Inclusion Experiences

To deeply understand diversity, equity, and inclusion, intentionally put yourself in situations where you are in the numerical minority or have experienced exclusion.

10. Acknowledge and Discuss Race

Get comfortable acknowledging and discussing race directly, using specific racial terms (e.g., Black, White, Latinx, BIPOC) instead of vague terms like “diverse person.”

11. Learn DEI Lexicon

Become familiar and comfortable with the specific language and terms used in diversity, equity, and inclusion (e.g., anti-racism, white supremacy culture) to engage effectively.

12. Ask for Processing Time

When receiving feedback that triggers defensiveness, ask for time to process it before responding, stating that you appreciate the feedback but need space to think clearly.

13. Use Deep Abdominal Breathing

Employ deep abdominal breathing as a physical tool to help lower your heart rate and manage intense stress responses, allowing for more efficient functioning.

14. Proactively Check-in on Friends

Proactively reach out to friends from marginalized groups, especially after incidents of hate or discrimination, to check in and offer compassionate support.

15. Vulnerability with Language Cues

When sharing sensitive information or being vulnerable, preface it with phrases like “I’m nervous about saying this, but…” to give others a heads-up and help them understand the dynamic.

16. Gradually Test Vulnerability

Increase your vulnerability and authenticity gradually by “testing the waters” and observing how your disclosures are received, adjusting based on the response.

17. Research Before Asking

Before asking someone from a marginalized group to educate you, first research “Googleable” information; only ask for personal insights or nuances not easily found.

18. Implement Reverse Mentorship

Create opportunities for more senior individuals to learn from junior people who have expertise in specific areas, such as diversity, equity, and inclusion.

19. Seek Better Workplace Fit

If your current workplace doesn’t allow you to be your authentic self, actively seek an organization that is a better fit where you feel you can bring your full self.

20. Engage in Regular Exercise

Incorporate regular physical activity, such as a daily walk, to connect your mind and body, get fresh air, and serve as a resource for managing stress.

21. Foster Safe Mistakes Environment

Cultivate an environment, especially in difficult conversations, where it is safe to make mistakes without severe judgment, encouraging participation and learning.

22. Use Interchangeable DEI Terms

When communicating DEI concepts, consider using interchangeable terms (e.g., “white privilege” instead of “white supremacy culture”) to foster understanding and avoid alienating your audience.

23. Affirm Your Voice

If you are in a numerical minority or have historically felt silenced, consciously affirm that your thoughts and voice matter, and use them because you have a seat at the table.

24. Ask “What Do You Need?” (Others)

When supporting others, ask “What do you need from me right now?” to clarify their specific needs, whether it’s just listening or advice.

25. Participate in Kindness Challenge

Download the 10% Happier app and participate in the Ted Lasso challenge to learn and practice kindness as a skill through videos and guided meditations.