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Natasha Rothwell (White Lotus, How To Die Alone) On: Loneliness, Envy, People Pleasing, And Finding Your "Hell Yes"

Sep 13, 2024 1h 2m 24 insights
<p><em>New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers.</em></p> <p><em>---</em></p> <p>Natasha Rothwell created, executive produced, and stars in the highly anticipated series <a href="https://press.hulu.com/shows/how-to-die-alone/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><em>How To Die Alone</em></a>.</p> <p> </p> <p>Natasha is best known for her Emmy Nominated performance in HBO's <em>The White Lotus</em> and is set to reprise her role as Belinda Lindsey in the third season of the series currently in production.</p> <p><br /></p> <p>She is also known for her critically acclaimed work as a series regular, writer, director, and producer on HBO's <em>Insecure</em>, for which she has won a Peabody Award and received the 2022 NAACP Image Award for Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy.</p> <p>Having previously written for <em>Saturday Night Live</em>, and after penning screenplays for Netflix, Paramount, and HBO Max— Natasha's original screenplay <em>Black Comic-Con</em> was selected for the 2021 Sundance Screenwriters Lab.</p> <p>Her genre-bending feature, along with several other projects, are in development at her production company, Big Hattie Productions—founded in 2020 to focus on creating, producing, and developing projects that champion marginalized voices in subversive ways.</p> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>In this episode we talk about:</strong></p> <ul> <li>Being alone vs being lonely</li> <li>How she handles her own tendencies toward people-pleasing and burnout</li> <li>Working with doubt, faith and the venerable cliche of "trusting in the universe"</li> <li>Envy (and how it's a partner to the scarcity mindset)</li> <li>Therapy</li> <li>Meditation</li> <li>Why she loves RomComs — and her issues with them </li> <li>And we go Behind the scenes in a TV writer's room — and why it's even tougher when the character is you </li> </ul> <p><br /></p> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>Related Episodes:</strong></p> <p><a href="https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/kristin-neff-rerun" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Kryptonite for the Inner Critic | Kristin Neff</a></p> <p><a href="https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/kristin-neff-360" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Self-Compassion Ain't Always Soft | Kristin Neff </a></p> <p><a href="https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-playlists/non-negotiables" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Non-Negotiables Playlist</a></p> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>Sign up for Dan's weekly newsletter</strong> <a href="https://bit.ly/3QtGRqJ" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>here</strong></a></p> <p><strong>Follow Dan on social:</strong> <a href="https://bit.ly/3tGigG5" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Instagram</strong></a><strong>,</strong> <a href="https://bit.ly/3FOA84J" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>TikTok</strong></a></p> <p><strong>Ten Percent Happier online</strong> <a href="https://bit.ly/46TZglY" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>bookstore</strong></a></p> <p><strong>Subscribe to our</strong> <a href="https://bit.ly/3FybRzD" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>YouTube Channel</strong></a></p> <p><strong>Our favorite playlists on:</strong> <a href="https://spoti.fi/3Qa8kMT" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Anxiety</strong></a><strong>,</strong> <a href="https://spoti.fi/3MjtMxF" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Sleep</strong></a><strong>,</strong> <a href="https://spoti.fi/3QvyA5J" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Relationships</strong></a><strong>,</strong> <a href="https://spoti.fi/3QxZASc" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Most Popular Episodes</strong></a></p> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>Full Shownotes:</strong> <a href="https://happierapp.com/podcast/tph/[episode-slug]" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://happierapp.com/podcast/tph/natasha-rothwell</a></p>
Actionable Insights

1. Vulnerability Fights Loneliness

Actively open up about feeling lonely, as vulnerability is the antidote. Pushing through the lies that keep you isolated will demystify the fear and allow others to connect with empathy and understanding.

2. Cultivate Self-Love First

Fall deeply in love with yourself and become whole before actively seeking a romantic partner. Approach relationships from a place of abundance and having something to offer, rather than from a sense of lack.

3. Ask “What Do I Need?”

Regularly ask yourself, “What do I need right now?” and then actively listen to the answer. Follow through on those needs and wants, as this is self-love in action and can be life-changing.

4. Prioritize Self-Care & Worth

Realize you are worthy of time, attention, and care, and prioritize your needs. Acknowledge your value and worth, understanding that taking time to rest and seeking help does not signify weakness.

5. Establish Firm Boundaries

Become a boundaried individual by articulating your needs and protecting your energy. A key tactic is to say “no” as a complete sentence, without offering consolation prizes, and only say “yes” to things that genuinely excite you.

6. Value Mental Health Equally

Accept that your mind and emotional health are just as important as your physical health. Let go of the notion that you should be strong enough to fix anxiety or depression on your own, and seek professional help for these needs.

7. Utilize Therapy for Fears

Actively use therapy to unpack fears like rejection as they arise in daily life. This provides a safe, unbiased environment to explore motivations and overcome emotional hurdles.

8. Schedule Daily Alone Time

Dedicate at least one hour of uninterrupted alone time each day to reconnect with yourself, listen to your inner thoughts, and find stillness. This is crucial for self-recharge, especially when your day demands much from you.

9. Adopt Abundance Mindset

Trust that what is meant for you will come, shifting away from a scarcity mindset that compels you to say “yes” to everything out of fear of missing out. This allows you to be more selective with opportunities.

10. Trust Your Capabilities

Ground your faith in the universe with belief in yourself, your talents, and your hard work. This calculated risk involves being prepared for opportunities and selectively saying “no” to lukewarm options, trusting the right things will come.

11. Redefine Personal Success

Define success not by external metrics like awards or money, but by working with people who sharpen you (“iron sharpens iron”) and being able to help others through your work.

12. Be Your Own Savior

Don’t wait for an external “white knight” or partner to save you; decide to save yourself. This involves activating change in your life, making mistakes, and learning as you go.

13. Awaken From Sleepwalking Life

Be aware if you are merely “sleepwalking” through life, going through the motions without truly living or making the most of your experiences. Decide to start living so that when your life flashes before your eyes, you “want to see something.”

14. Expand Love Beyond Romance

Disabuse yourself of the notion that only romantic partnership can solve loneliness. Recognize and take advantage of the platonic love from friends and family that is already present in your life.

15. Foster Reciprocal Relationships

Speak your needs and engage in reciprocal relationships where you feel comfortable saying you’re not okay without feeling like a burden. This allows for genuine connection and support.

16. Reparent Your Inner Child

Practice self-love by “reparenting” yourself, looking at your younger self (e.g., a four or five-year-old girl) who felt she wasn’t enough, and affirming to her, “You are enough.”

17. Keep Promises to Yourself

Express self-love through consistency and by keeping promises you make to yourself. This builds trust and shows up for yourself in the same way you would for others you love.

18. Reframe Envy as Misunderstanding

Understand that envy often stems from the false assumption that what someone else has was meant for you and was intercepted. Instead, recognize that what they have was meant for them, and your opportunities are still en route.

19. Meditate with Grace, Not Perfection

Approach meditation with grace and flexibility, rather than a perfectionist or “all or nothing” mindset. Allow for missed days or shorter sessions without judgment, as this teaches you grace and draws you back to the practice.

20. Wrestle with Difficult Practices

When struggling with a beneficial practice like meditation, “wrestle with it” rather than shelving it and walking away. Persistence through difficulty is key to long-term benefits.

21. Struggle is Useful Feedback

Instead of seeing struggle in your practice as failure, view it as useful feedback. Get curious about what’s happening in those moments, as this curiosity is where benefits will come over time.

22. Examine Resistance to Quiet

Investigate your resistance to quiet and stillness, as constant busyness or “turning the volume up on everything” can be an unconscious escape from truly listening to yourself.

23. Observe Thoughts Periodically

Periodically throughout the day, remind yourself, “Oh, that’s a thought.” This practice helps you get into the driver’s seat of your mind and prevents thoughts from running away with you.

24. Micro-Moments of Mindfulness

Integrate small moments of mindful breathing and gratitude into your daily life, even during busy or challenging times. This can be a consistent expression of meditation when traditional sits are difficult.